Thursday, October 22, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Da Rockwilder" — Method Man & Redman

Full disclosure: I hate this song. Okay, "hate" is probably too strong of a word. But I've never been impressed by it. It's only value was that it got asses shaking at hall parties. Aside from that? Meh.

So why am I posting it? Well, mostly because I'm writing this at 12:30 Wednesday night, I haven't put up a Throwback track in three weeks, and I'm lazy.

But I've chosen this instead of an MC Hammer track because I know people—whose opinions on music I trust—who love this song. So turn up the volume. Hopefully you'll find what those people found in it.


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Sam I Am


I don't know if you've heard about You're the Worst. These days, you can barely tell what has reached the people from what hasn't. One second critics are hailing shows like Mr. Robot, the next execs are cancelling Community (I'll never forgive you for that, NBC).

Here's the thing, though: You should have heard about You're the Worst, because it's kind of the best. Currently running its second season, the FXX sitcom features some of the best writing and acting available for consumption on television these days. Even more striking, it features female characters that dominate every scene they touch, with a ferocious sense of self-worth tempered by a jolting self-awareness. People who get paid to talk about entertainment these days normally eat that stuff up. Or, at the very least, they claim to.

But the most dynamic character on the show is not a star, or featured character. It's Brandon Mychal Smith's "Sam," a hardcore rap artist with a firm command of both vocabulary and life.



On this woefully unappreciated sitcom, on a TV station whose name sounds like an aisle sign in Radio Shack, we have found the most unabashedly unique black character in our modern generation. Sam does not tap dance for the white people who surround him in nearly every scene, nor does he impose physical violence upon them as a means of self-affirmation. He's an educated and strong man, who proudly defines the world around him instead of letting it define him.



I pray this show survives to keep bringing its excellent timing and hilarious dialogue for several more years. And more importantly, to teach screenwriters in Hollywood that a black character can not only work, but excel when not forced to fit into one of the few predefined categories that they're most comfortable with.

Damnit White People, You're Mad at Star Wars Now?!?!?!

This just has to be Trolling...it HAS to be.

So #‎BoycottStarWarsVII‬ is a "thing" and it makes me want to slap someone. By thing I mean people are trying to start a movement to boycott the movie because a black Storm Trooper is somehow unfathomable and the fact that he is a main character is somehow an affront to white people (again this just HAS to be trolling).

Space Darkies in a fictitious cinematic universe threatens the power of white people in America.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

Look, let me explain this to you. Happening to have a Darkie in a lead role in a fictional movie that exists in a galaxy far far away is not White Genocide. Nevermind genocide has a very specific meaning 

genocide

the deliberate killing of a large group of people, especially those of a particular ethnic group or nation.

Last time I checked no one was ethnically cleansing white folks in America. No one is rounding white folks up and sending them to gas chambers. So stop that silly shit.

Mind you this isn't the first time this has happened in film.

So let me get this straight


This bothers you                                    


This bothers you                                                     

This bothers you                      

This bothers you                        
But this shit is totally acceptable

What kind of ass backwardness is this? Especially when you are busy white washing ancient Egypt, you're doing it at a place that ACTUALLY EXISTS. WITH REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FUCKING FEATURES.

This brand of racism pisses me off not because it's racist but because it's lazy as fuck.

If you wanna get worried about the position of white people in this country because black and brown people will soon outnumber you. AT LEAST THAT SHIT IS BASED IN REALITY. 

This is just lazy in every sense of the word.

Step your game up lazy racists.

#Start Nerd Rant

Don't give me the bullshit about black Storm Troopers not being canon because of the Clone Wars. 

1. everything you know about canon is no longer so due to the jettisoning of the Expanded Universe. 

2. the time period of the new movie is like 30 years after the events of Return of The Jedi. Fett Daddy's clones would be at least 50. 

3. Unless you kept making clones of the same fucker you are going to need new recruits and in a galaxy with multiple life having planets it's pretty plausible one of those systems had break dancing watermelon eating darkies on it.

#End Nerd Rant

This just HAS to be trolling. 

And it works because people have actually gotten pissed about shit like this mind you people actually argued if a black storm trooper was possible.

Lawd help these idiots


Monday, October 19, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Inspiration

It's 2015, and Vida Guerra is still one of the hottest women on the planet. If you haven't seen much of her lately, and subsequently thought maybe she'd fallen off, just give her Snapchat a follow (iamvidaguerra). Though, as amazing as her feed is, I almost feel like Vida shouldn't be on Snapchat. It feels almost disrespectful that any photo or video of her should ever be deleted.



Monday Kickstart: Positivity

Monday may be here, but no matter how much it kicks your ass, don't give it the satisfaction of getting you down.



You can't kill my vibe, Monday. Let's go.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Rough Waters

This is easily the whitest thing you'll ever see: Two drunk girls fighting while white water rafting in North Carolina.


Monday, October 12, 2015

Monday Kickstart: We need a Yrjö

Finnish solar power company Helen has a new series of ads—which, for some reason, are in English—featuring spokesman Yrjö. And Yrjö is fucking hilarious. Here he explains the company's new slogan.



The link above has three other commercials they've created with Yrjö. This guy needs his own TV show. I guarantee it lasts longer than that Geico caveman show. Though that's not really saying much.

Let's go.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Inspiration

If you're a fan of Gotham, you'll recognize this week's inspiration as the stunning—and deliciously vicious—Tabitha Galavan.





Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Can You Dig It?

This will make you simultaneously happy and sad. The crew from The Warriors got together for one last ride home to Coney Island.



The fact that they're all in their 50s and 60s now es no bueno. And in today's Hollywood, where every old film is being remade, how has Warriors been overlooked? It's a seminal piece of pop culture.

Maybe, then, the fact that it hasn't been remade is a good thing. Maybe it's the last sacred piece of film art on the planet. Maybe it should serve as an enduring inspiration, a shimmering monument to originality and creativity.

...But we'll probably hear about them shooting a remake starring Justin Bieber in a month or two. *sigh* Let's go.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Rollout (My Business)" — Ludacris

It's hard to name a more entertaining rapper than Ludacris. Sure, you'd probably chill the fuck out hanging with Snoop, walk through Manhattan like a boss hanging with Jay, or hear a lifetime of stories hanging with Nas. But there can't be another emcee who you would have more pure fun rolling with than Luda.


Monday, September 21, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Inspiration

Swedish sensation Ines Helene is too good to be true.





Monday Kickstart: $ave Dat Money

After a weekend of debauchery (...if your weekend didn't involve any debauchery, you've done something wrong), we can all appreciate this ode to frugality by internet star Lil Dicky.



The amount of hustle it took to put together this video is insane. To get the private homeowner to let them use her place was impressive enough (and kudos to her for asking that, in return, donations be made to Planned Parenthood), but to get a Lamborghini dealer to let you take an Aventador out on the road for free? Dicky got game.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Gin and Juice" — Snoop Dogg

One of those rare cases where a song was popular long before it was ever released as a single. An instant classic, people were bumping this the second Doggystyle got released.


Monday, September 14, 2015

...But Where Is The Outrage?


Zach Hammond, 19 years old, was fatally shot and killed by the police, seemingly over 10 grams of weed.

The police playbook has been opened and in full effect. Blah blah I was in danger, he tried to ram me with his car blah blah blah.

Now I am not making light of this situation. A young man lost his life under iffy circumstances at best and it appears he was a victim of excessive force and the engine of defense that more often times than not leaves police officers unaccountable for their actions is tuned up and going strong.

What is pissing me off here is his parents injecting race into the conversation because, minor detail, Zach is white. His parents are upset at the lack of a national outcry about their sons death (which they should be) but it's directed at the wrong people.

“It’s sad, but I think the reason is, unfortunately, the media and our government officials have treated the death of an unarmed white teenager differently than they would have if this were a death of an unarmed black teen,” Bland told The Washington Post this week. “The hypocrisy that has been shown toward this is really disconcerting.”

So lets read the coded language and general misunderstanding of reality involved in this statement.

By media do you mean the same media that couldn't wait to find the most unflattering pictures of victims as possible, de-humanizing them. How can you find sympathy for criminals? So Trayvon Martin was a thug who needed no sympathy to the point where people, through social media, attributed a picture of the rapper The Game as Trayvon.

Or the same media that couldn't wait to remind you Eric Garner sold loose cigarettes.

Or that Walter Scott owed back child support and how many time he was arrested.

Or that Michael Brown was a weed fueled animal who strong arm robbed a convenience store, tried to steal a cops gun and then charged after the cop after being shot.

"At this point it looked like he was almost bulking up to run through the shots, like it was making him mad that I’m shooting at him. And the face that he had was looking straight through me, like I wasn’t even there, I wasn’t even anything in his way."

- Darren Wilson's Grand Jury Testimoney

Or the family life of Tamir Rice.

Miss me with that.

And lets be 100 here when you say "government officials" you mean Good Ol President Darkie.

So what I think is going on here is that the question he really wants to ask but wont is where is all the outrage from BLACK PEOPLE. Why aren't the BLACK PEOPLE marching for his son?

To this I say you are asking the wrong damn people.

Where is the outrage from WHITE PEOPLE? Where are all the #AllLivesMatter hashtaggers?

First of all, do your own damn work. Since when is it my responsibility to convince you and others that there is a problem with excessive force in this country and the voracity in which officers are protected when they commit these acts only emboldens them as they fear no repercussions. They believe can plant evidence (see Walter Scott), lie in their official accounts of events (see Tamir Rice and John Crawford) or not even bother to identify themselves as police officers (see Steve Blake) and will not be held accountable


I can't even convince people that racial prejudices can and do sneak into police interactions with people (which is why in New York People of Color are subjected to Stop and Frisk far more often then whites though whites are found to be in possession of contraband far more (by percentage of total and total amount) than People of Color.

Whites Are Almost Twice As Likely To Be Found With A Weapon

The NYPD and politicians have repeatedly justified the racial disparity in stop and frisks saying that they cops essentially go where the guns are, i.e. minority neighborhoods. Yet, only 1.9 percent of frisks in 2011 turned up weapons and interestingly, according to the NYCLU, "a weapon was found in only 1.8 percent of blacks and Latinos frisked, as compared to a weapon being found in 3.8 percent of whites frisked."

I can get people to admit to me "when I see someone driving erratically I presume they are Asian" but somehow that same logic and "racial transference" is impossible with police officers.

If you want justice for your son then challenge your fellow white people to confront their own assertions about the police. To admit there is an issue. Form protests, speak out. Don't just blame the shit on black people.

To ask where is all the black outrage is to ask the wrong questions to the wrong people. Question white people.

Ask them how they can be so supportive of police when (pick a darkie any darkie's) situation is the same as their sons. Why does their son have to go through the same slander and dehumanizing that  (pick a darkie any darkie) did? How can you say #AllLivesMatter in response to #BlackLivesMatters but not speak out for their son?

But asking these question are problematic because those people wont respond. They cant because:

1. Having to all of a sudden backslide on the unwavering consistent support of police (#BlueLivesMatter) when white people are victims exposes their own inert or intentional racism because there is no bend, no wavering when the victim is black even though the situation is damn near identical.

2. That racism skirt is pulled up and they are exposed because there was no outrage from them when black victims are in the same situations as this young man (Hammond’s).

Or maybe white people can admit this is different. Though the circumstances are the same the vibe is different. This feels like an aberration and not the norm. There wont be screaming #AllLivesMatter or #BlueLivesMatter at his funeral. There will be no memes suggesting because he was a criminal (and he was) he deserved to die. There wont be GoFundMe accounts created to help with the officer's "legal defense"

To do so would be in poor taste and would be vile. Funny how that applies to some people and to others it does not.

Where is the outrage?

Ask a white person and see what they say...Everything I've read about it in social media has been from people of color.

Instead of blaming them maybe you should start realizing that maybe those crazy #BlackLivesMatter people have a point. Maybe instead of assuming #BlackLivesMatter really means ONLY #BlackLivesMatter you listen to what people are saying and have been saying

He added: “The issue should never be what is the color of  the victim. The issue should be: Why was an unarmed teen gunned down in a situation where deadly force was not even justified?”

It should when it disproportionately happens to one section of people over another but I digress.

We've been saying the same thing you are just too busy blaming President Darkie and the rest of us People of Color to see that I want, WE want race to not play a part in any of it. To be treated as a human being. As an equal. I dont want to be judged by my pants or my minor offenses or how I speak or how uncomfortable I make you because of your own issues and prejudice.

Matter of fact let me know when you get rid of this shit, and then maybe then you can be outraged and blame all of us, including President Darkie.

Dont worry, I'll wait...

Equal Opportunity

I love L.A. It's my homeland, and the sun and relaxed atmosphere give me the warm and fuzzies when I think about them. But, perhaps more than anywhere else, image is everything in that town. And that's true for all sexes.

And, while we're at it, I love Ali. She's a Pittsburgh girl that knows how to have fun. But if I had to choose between getting into a regular car with her and a Lambo with Stevie? Well...


Monday Kickstart: Inspiration

Let the lovely Natalie Loren give you reason to get on your grind this week.







Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Honest Beginnings

I don't date anymore, and watching this was a both painful and vindicating reminder of why.


Sunday, September 13, 2015

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Tommy's Theme" — Made Men ft. The LOX

This track was so hot, but didn't get a lot of widespread love. It appeared on the Belly soundtrack, and was consistently banging in my dorm room.

Add Made Men to the long and distinguished list of acts with a ton of promise that never got anywhere. Closest they ever came to fame after this video was Benzino's short time in the spotlight for beefing with Eminem.


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Tuesday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

Let Chandler South remind you just why everyone says redheads are dangerous.








Tuesday Kickstart (Part 1): Off to Never Never Land

It's Tuesday, but for most of us it's "Monday"—the first day of work after Labor Day Weekend. And if your weekend was as full of beer, bikinis, shots, fantasy football drafts, beer pong, pizza, and water gun battles as mine was, then you need a pug playing Metallica's "Enter Sandman" right about now.



Let's go.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

First Time's a Charm

Admittedly, when I first saw Playboy tweet this video, I expected the tales to be a lot more "blah" than they were. Porn is pretty mainstream these days, and—in the world in general—it's hard to find anything that genuinely gets your attention these days. But a lot of these are pretty good.

From Playboy:
Curious about what it was like for adult film stars during their first experience on camera? Watch adult film stars Kayden Kross, Veronica Rose, Misty Stone, Anikka Albrite, Keiran Lee, Alexis Texas, Amber Ivy, Tori Black, Teagan Presley, Missy Martinez and Joanna Angel at AVN talk to Lisa Ann about what their first times were really like.


Throwback Thursday: "What They Do" — The Roots

Just because it's a throwback, doesn't mean it can't teach you a valuable lesson. Black Thought and his crew dropped gems on this 1996 track, that felt like knowledge being slapped upside your head with every thump of the bassline.


Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Respect My Gangsta: Robert Wright

Mr. Wright, you are my new hero. To you I pledge my undying loyalty, and vow that I will always make sure them ribs is right.


Monday, August 31, 2015

Keep It One Hunnit

I know this struggle.


Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

Let Australian beauty Jessica Ann remind you why you're back on your grind this morning.




Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Start Spreading the News

This makes my balls hurt, but I'm sharing it anyways.

From Tastefully Offensive:
Logan Paul takes manspreading to a whole knew level in this funny compilation of the Vine star randomly doing splits at various locations around New York City.


I'm not sure there's much more to add here.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

George Zimmerman Can Go Fuck Himself and Fall Into The Sea

‘We all know how 

it ended for the last

moron that hit me’


This was a quote from Zimmerman's latest racist twitter rant.

I'm all for free speech and though I believe him to be morally wrong, legally, the right decision was made to not convict him.

BUT THIS FUCK BOY HAS GOT TO GO! If this isn't one of the rudest heartless and soulless things that has ever come out of a human beings mouth.

YOU KILLED A CHILD BECAUSE YOU DID NOT HAVE THE TESTICULAR FORTITUDE TO KICK THE KIDS ASS YOU PICKED A FIGHT WITH!

Think about this for a moment. You picked a fight with a child, he laid them fucking paws on you and you shot him because "I feared for my life". 

Fuck you, fuck the people who help you, fuck the people who buy your racist paintings, fuck the people who follow him on twitter both because they feel like he says the truth and ironically, fuck the gun shows you were a celebrity at, fuck the person who take pictures of you, fuck the females you beat on that haven't pressed charges and sent ya smug lil shit face to jail. Fuck anyone who currently has his autograph. Fuck the NRA for half ass supporting him. Fuck all of you equally and specifically!

When he dies I hope they put a port-a-potty over his grave so we can all take a massive asparagus and amoxicillin piss on it. 

He is quite literally one of the most vile people in existence in the entirety of the UNIVERSE.

There is literally a Commander Zorp Zorp on Epsilon Zeta Five, in a war room with the intergalactic council, discussing if they should end life on earth with someone at the ready to press the button to end destroy us all  and this fuck will be the guy that causes it all.

Soulless fuck I truly hope someone shits in his mouth and slaps him with antifreeze.

I don't think I have the vocabulary to describe how loathsome of a human being he is.

FUCK YOU!


#BLM




Thursday, August 27, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Guilty Conscience" — Eminem ft. Dr. Dre

...I'm not playing this because the Dee Barnes/NWA beef resurfaced with the release of Straight Outta Compton. I swear. Nope. *looks at Dre* *coughs* Nope.

*backs away slowly*


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Ten Things I Think That I Think

1. I think: Men who leave pubic hair in the urinal should be drawn quartered and shot! I assume you NEVER have had a woman's mouth anywhere near your cock and or balls because no self-respecting woman would EVER take the risk of choking on that Don Cornelius from the 70s things you got going on around dick space. I go to the bathroom to piss not to have to dual use the aforementioned pee to free your unwanted gifts from the urinal. TRIM THAT SHIT UP B!

2. I think: If I say "Black Lives Matter" and you respond with anything other than "what can I do to help?" Fuck you specifically. If someone has a benefit for Breast Cancer Awareness no one kicks in the fucking door and goes "ALL CANCERS MATTER, DON'T FORGET ABOUT TOE CANCER!!!"
That particular benefit was for a specific cause and because it is for that specific cause that doesn't mean nothing else matter you insouciant dick bag.

3. I think: If you support Donald Trump I'm automatically going to assume you either are sexist, racist or a twit. Either way please take several seats in the back.

4.I think: I have no idea what to do with my half black one fourth white and one fourth Mexican son's head. The swirls is mysterious in what traits you get. I'm waiting on this dude's hair to grow into something.

5. I think: If I say good morning to you and you don't say it back I immediately day dream about punching you in your rude ass mouth. Get some home training.

6. I think: Every time I see someone at some children's party, dressed up as a cartoon character twerking, a small part of me dies.

7. I think: Dr. Dre's new album IS A CLASSIC! No if ands or buts about it. If you disagree I question your taste in music. People say it's got too much trap music influence and to that I say...WTF are you listening? People complain and say the mix is too bright...WTF have you been listening to? His mixes have been like that since Chronic 2001 unless he wanted it dirty on purpose (see I Need A Doctor). People complain it's not like Chronic 2001. That shit came out 15 years ago...what he look like trying to rap like he's still 30 or something.

8. I think: Titties > Ass but only because I'm short and I can look em right in the eye.

9.I think: I'm a bit odd because I have a page on Tinder. Not because I'm looking for a hookup (a picture of my wife, my son chucking up the deuces and me is my profile picture and I explicitly state I'm not looking for a hookup) but because I like judging people.

10. I think: Jay Cutler has resting jerkface and because of that douche face no one will ever like him. He could throw 50 touchdowns, -2 interceptions AND vaccinate his fucking kids AND most people that are fans or apart of the NFL would be like "FUCK THAT GUY" I feel bad for the dude and his jerkface

Monday, August 24, 2015

Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

Mondays suck. But if it comes with a side of Argentinian beauty Maria Celeste Sablich, Monday will be your new favorite day of the week.


Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Get in the Game

This is creative as hell.

From Tastefully Offensive:
The team from the British film company Realm Pictures created a live-action first-person shooter zombie game in their garden and studio, then invited unsuspecting people from the online chat website Chatroulette to control their actions as they navigate around various scenarios and battle zombies with modified Nerf guns.



The comments by the people watching are great. "Could it be a lion with a thorn in its paw?" I wish they'd gotten a few drunk people. In fact, there's got to be outtakes, right? People who they edited out. I'd love to see who didn't make the final edit and why. Then again, this is Chatroulette. Every third person they connected with was probably just some guy with his dick on the screen.

Realm also did a cool little behind-the-scenes video to show how they put it all together.


Thursday, August 20, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Pleasure Principle" — Janet Jackson

If this beat doesn't make you move your feet, you are not a real person. This is my vote for the best Janet video ever. She was looking OH so good, and dances her ass off. (The chair move is hall-of-fame material.)


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Comic Relief

I'm just guessing; but I'd have to say that, after doing The Tonight Show and feeling up Amy Schumer, third place on every comic's dream list is drop kicking a heckler.

From Playboy:
During an open mic comedy show in Las Vegas, a guy was given his five minutes to do a set and when time was up, the host walked over and informed him that was the end of the set, as most hosts do. Apparently the comedian/heckler did not take kind to this, as he’s known as to disrupt shows and ruin other comic’s sets.


Straight Outta Gotham

This is all kinds of brilliant. And damn it if Two-Face didn't have lyrics.


"Gimme a beat!"

Janet would be proud of this routine.



Are we going to talk about the fact that the 300 lb guy in football pads was hitting his marks better than any of the women who do this for a living? No? Okay then...

Throwback Tuesday - RZA - Tragedy

Do I really need to say more?


Monday, August 17, 2015

Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

It's women like Devin Brugman that almost make me want to open an Instagram account. Almost...



A photo posted by Devin Brugman (@devinbrugman) on


A photo posted by Devin Brugman (@devinbrugman) on

Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Not Your Typical Politician

This is a real Canadian politician, running for office in British Columbia, in a real political ad.



It's recently come to my attention that marijuana is legal in British Columbia. Just saying...

Sunday, August 16, 2015

I've Forgotten How to Drink

I've Forgotten How to Drink


A lot has changed in my life in the past year. I got married, had a son and went full on adult (classified as knowing, by heart, the theme song to at least 2 TV shows designed for children). And with that has come many changes. One of them being that I don't go out anymore.

And by go out I mean go to the bar with the squad, drink 10 crown and cokes (with lime...no seriously try that shit it's delicious!) , coming home drunk as that thang and giving my old lady ye ol whisky dick.

Then it happened. Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than anything on this whole planet but I realized early that drinking and parenting don't mix.


A sexy black man decides to have a good time with old friends. We drink, we reminisce and we drink some more. Aforementioned Adonis comes home at reasonable hour and everyone in the house is asleep. That sexy fuck finally goes to bed at 3AM and promptly at 3:10AM his son wakes up and boy is he hungry. Hot bod dad knows what to do though. He drunkenly stumbles to the kitchen to prepare a bottle and realizes there are no prepared ones.

"FUCK, I HAVE TO BRAIN NOW!"

Sex god pappy makes bottle and then places it firmly in the freezer instead of the bottle warmer. I wander back to my sons room and realizes that he does not have the bottle.

"FUCK, WHERE IS THE BOTTLE?"

A frantic search begins,

Is it in the fridge? Is it in the sink? Is it in a cabinet? Is it in my pocket? Did I even make a bottle? Am I even at home? Is this my kitchen? Which Kardashian would you pick if you could pick one to do the Alabama Pelvis Slammer on?

I start to question my own sanity and reality in general.Then a moment lucidness smacks me back into the light of being able to brain.

"FUCK, IT'S IN THE FREEZER!"

I complete the feeding task and lay in the bed and realize an important truth.

It is easy to get drunk, it incredibly difficult to get UN-DRUNK at 3 something in the morning with a screaming, hungry infant.

At that moment I decided not to drink that much anymore, which is basically not at all.

Until last night.

I went out! I broke away and ran free from the chains of parental bondage like Kunta Kinte. I drank, I conversed and for a moment I was an adult.

Then the fear kicked in.

Is this too much? I need to pace myself! But the drink is so damn delicious! Is buzzed parenting a thing? Is it like buzzed driving? What should I drink? Crown and coke? Seven and 7? A nice Port? How bout some Armagnac? Tall or short glass? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I then realized as I sipped on my Triple Crown and Pepsi that I no longer know how to drink.

I have to have a game plan now. Like I need to bring a white board and draw up drinking plays like I'm fucking George Halas and it's weird.

I had a few last night, not a lot, and my son woke up at 6 this morning bright eyed and though I was sleepy as fuck I didn't try to take him outside to poop on a leash...So I say last night was a win.

I'm ok with the whole arrangement

Last night I realized I don't know how to drink anymore and you know what? I'm ok with this


Thursday, August 13, 2015

Nope

Nope. No. No. NOPE.

From Mashable:
A 24-year-old woman was hospitalized with a broken leg after a cable on the amusement park ride at Luna Park in Cap d'Agde, France, known as a slingshot or a reverse bungee, snapped. The vessel smashed into one of its support poles, French news outlet Herault 24 reports. Another rider walked away without injury.

The incident, which occurred Aug. 4, was captured on video and uploaded to YouTube on Friday. In the clip, the ride propels a spherical cage into the air and as it falls back towards the earth, one of its elastic cables snaps. The cage is then sent flying into one of its support poles before coming to rest in the air. The couple was stuck in the air for approximately one hour before being rescued.


Throwback Thursday: "Express Yourself" — N.W.A.

This is officially N.W.A. Day. The film Straight Outta Compton is released today, and TJ and I will be at the 8 pm showing. I'm going to have to dig my old Raiders Starter jacket out of the closet.


Monday, August 10, 2015

Dear Dude Bros (A Cautionary Tale)

So as the Patrick Kane allegations start to give informational nuggets many questions should be asked. Many things should NOT be asked. I do think that thoughtfulness for the alleged victim and alleged (but not charged) perpetrator are needed. Sweeping judgments of guilt or innocence, truth or lies, "slut" or lady are harmful so I will be staying away from those and you should too.

My first thoughts when the story broke were

1. if the alleged victim was indeed raped then her experiences and the lasting haze they can have over her life should be the primary concern.

2. Kane putting himself in this position to begin with, no matter if he is guilty or not, was fucking stupid. These things hang over you forever innocent or guilty.

So it got me to thinking....

And after a few moments I said to myself "let me help my fellow dude bros out with a step by step guide so that you don't become to the next "victim" of Indian giver women and their evil vaginal powers."

Step 1
cut a hole in the box.....wait

sorry wrong thought process

Step 1
DON'T RAPE BITCHES!

that's it. Easy right?


  • Doesn't matter if she was all on your shit at the bar. When she says no DON'T RAPE BITCHES!
  • Doesn't matter if she is clothed in an Asa Akira school girl outfit with makeup by Jezebel herself. When she says no DON'T RAPE BITCHES!
  • Doesn't matter if she is the town slut and will suck every dick she can find for a peach Faygo and a manager's special from Popeye's which you gave to her AND with extra biscuits. When she says no DON'T RAPE BITCHES!
  • Doesn't matter if she is in mid suck and then changes her mind. Calmly put your dick away, call that woman a cab, slap it around a bit when she leaves and most importantly When she says no DON'T RAPE BITCHES!
I don't claim to have ALL the answers...but I think my fellow dude bros this is the starting point of a movement. We can make positive change by NOT RAPING BITCHES!


Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

If you don't know who Tianna Gregory is, you should. She is one of the most beautiful women in the world, and a rare repeat among Monday Kickstart inspirations.





[NOTE: The first shot above was done by Martin Murillo. Looking through some of the shoots he's done with Tianna and other models, this guy is a legit talent behind the camera. Check out his Tumblr page to see more of his work.]

Let's go.

Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Whip 'Em into Shape

"Watch Me" has lowkey become the meme of the summer, as more and more videos of people doing the Whip come out. And, though the saturation point can't be too far away, we thankfully haven't hit it just yet. That means we can still enjoy the randomness and infectiousness of an Atlanta area chiropractic practice that decided to get in on the act.


Thursday, August 6, 2015

Sage Advice

"Do you still have tonsils?"
"Yes."
"If you get them removed there'll be more room for dicks...back there."

Just leaving this here. And if you're...anyone but a lesbian...you're welcome.



Btw, can we get Dana DeArmond and Skin Diamond their own talk show? The wits on those two are amazing. #NoTypos

Throwback Thursday: "Foe tha Love of $" — Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Eazy E

If you're in your 30s, then 21 years ago you were probably pumping this at volumes that made your parents angry and your neighbors uncomfortable. Say what you will about Bone Thugs, but they still remain one-of-a-kind. No group has ever emerged with that kind of harmonious gangsta flow before or since.


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Grand Theft Auto V Crash

Here's one for all of you GTA fans. This is insane. Somewhere out there, Michael Bay is closing his eyes and sliding his hand down his pants.

From Playboy:
After a tiny motorcycle crash, the other drivers just keep plowing forward and swerving through pedestrians and wrecked cars until it’s turned into complete mayhem.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

This week's inspiration is the beautiful Autumn Lynn...whose name is kind of ironic, since this picture is the essence of summer.




Let's go.

Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Flute Flute, Beep Beep

I miss L.A. So much. Beautiful women. Beautiful scenery. And beautiful music.



Next time you're jamming in your car and get a little self-conscious because people might see you singing, relax and think about this guy.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Silence of the Richie

This video just destroyed part of my childhood. But holy hell is it worth it.

From Mashable:
If you thought the classic music video for Lionel Richie's 1983 mega-hit "Hello" couldn't get any better/worse, you are in for a sweet surprise, my friend.

This "Musicless Music Video" from Mario Wienerroither shows what the bizarre video would sound like if all of the music were taken away, and sound effects added.


Thursday, July 30, 2015

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Senseless



I'm trying to gather my thoughts. I just watched a murder.

But please don't think I'm in shock. I'm neither shaken up nor am I confused. And I'm much too numb to be horrified—that one might say the most.

The video was footage from the body camera of a University of Cincinnati police officer, Ray Tensing, as he shot an unarmed black civilian, Sam DuBose, in the head. At point blank range. You may have heard of the case. Then again you may not have; these things have a way of eluding some people's radars. Blissful ignorance will always have an appeal.

But, being black, I don’t have the luxury of ignorance. So instead, I’m trying to gather my thoughts.

I want to point to the blatancy of Tensing’s act. Here is a law enforcement officer plainly ignoring standard written procedure; procedure that’s taught and drilled into police officers around the country every day. Procedure that far too many police officers choose to forgo when the face they encounter is African American. But pointing out the obvious inevitably feels empty, especially when we’ve seen it all before.

Over the past 354 days since Michael Brown’s murder at the hands of Officer Darren Wilson in Ferguson, MO we’ve seen what seems like 354 unarmed, presumably innocent black men and women die at the hands of police officers across the country. An endless, devastating crawl of hashtagged names have crossed social media timelines. Tamir Rice. Akai Gurley. Sandra Bland. Freddie Gray. Trayvon Martin.

It’s not even the first time we’ve seen an act of brazen murder on video. The chokehold that suffocated Eric Garner and the gunshots to the back that felled Walter Scott were replayed on endless loops by news programs. Rice’s murder should have trumped all in the world of infotainment, as surveillance cameras focused directly on the scene captured a Cleveland police officer, without warning or cause, firing bullets into a 12-year-old boy who was playing in a park. What more can be said, what more naiveté can be clenched onto when the brutal murder of a child is videotaped, watched, replayed, digested, and forgotten by the mass populace?

I remember being horrified when Rice’s story broke, and the video was released. Eight months and one week later, I’m numb.

I have the strange, at times surreal perspective of being half white. The majority of people who surround me on a daily basis, both professionally and personally, are white. Most are open-minded, understanding, and sympathetic. Some are even outraged. But not all of them. And that’s when this entire dynamic gets awkward. Because that’s when I have to engage in, oversee, or willfully ignore the conversations. The latter doesn’t happen all that often, because I don’t have the luxury of ignorance.

I have one friend, a white male under 30, who met the Baltimore protests over Freddie Gray’s murder with an unyielding refrain of, “You have to respect the police.” No amount of reasoning would move him from this point.

No sensible black man, woman, or child doesn’t know and practice this. The irony is we often have no choice but to practice this. Fear of what would happen, if the mere impression of disrespect was even inferred, keeps us heel-toeing with sweat on our brows the second a police officer pulls us over. But it doesn’t work. Sam DuBose was anything but disrespectful. I dare you to even say he was confrontational. And yet he lost his life.

What’s more, for every case of a docile, respectful black citizen being killed by someone in a police uniform, there are five cases of belligerent, threatening white people unflinchingly attacking police officers and living to make bail.

The flaw in the “You have to respect the police” philosophy is that it’s predicated on a fairytale. It relies on the gullible belief that the police are always, and without exception, offering respect in return. But there are exceptions—thousands of them. And if you’re a person of color, you have to treat those exceptions as the rule.

I have respect for the police. But I also have rights as a human being. And while my friend can rely on his rights being recognized whether he is or isn’t being respectful, I cannot. Instead I have to deal with an armed individual who may very well let his or her thoroughly-uninformed expectations of who I am override the training that he or she has received, and the respect that he or she should instinctively maintain.

I’m not in shock. I’m afraid.

I’m afraid I’ll be Sam DuBose. Or Freddie Gray. Or one of the hundreds of other innocent black men and women murdered by police officers. I’m afraid one or more of my friends will die in a jail cell when all he or she did was change lanes without signaling. I’m even more afraid that a member of my family will suffer that fate. I’m afraid I’ll experience both the joy of having children, and the unimaginable sorrow of someday watching video of a police officer shooting them dead on a playground without provocation or thought. I’m afraid those who defend the police officers will never come to understand why I’m afraid. I’m afraid it’s never going to change.

I don’t have the luxury of not being afraid.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

This week's inspiration is the beautiful Ms. Daniella Chavez. I've been trying for like 20 minutes to come up with something clever to say about her jaw-dropping curves, but all I've come up with so far is "Good lawd..."





...Good lawd. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Upon Further Review

If you've paid any attention to entertainment news lately, you know Adam Sandler's new flick Pixels is getting eviscerated by critics. MovieBob, it seems, felt that's not strong enough. So he went nuclear.



Holy hell. I feel like he was actively pissing on a picture of Sandler's face and spitting while he raged that one out. Sometimes I wonder if disastrous press like this makes Sandler sit in a dark room crying like a little baby. Then he releases another terrible film, and makes it abundantly clear that he really doesn't give a fuck.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

New Promo for Season 2 of Gotham

The best new show of the past fall, Gotham, is revving up for Season 2, which they've dubbed "Rise of the Villians." Doesn't look like they'll have to worry about a sophomore slump.


Throwback Thursday: "Rollin' With Kid 'n Play" — Kid 'n Play

...yeah, I watched the Unsung episode. And up until then, I'd forgotten how great this jam was. (Go ahead, shake your asses. I won't tell no one.)


Monday, July 20, 2015

Too Hype

Usually when a groom says he "knocked it out on his wedding night," he doesn't mean this. He almost never means this.



If you look closely, when she's on the floor the second time, you can see her realize she's made a terrible mistake.

Monday Kickstart (Part 2): Inspiration

This week's inspiration is the gorgeous Nasia Jansen:






And if anyone out there is harboring thoughts of harming me or mines, be forewarned: I'm making Nasia the head of my security team.



Let's go.

Monday Kickstart (Part 1): Shots Shots Shots

How about some awesome cuteness to ease the pain of a Monday morning? Or would that be cute awesomeness? Either way, Riley Dashwood and her trick shots are here to save the day.



All of those shots are impressive, but my favorite is easily the last two shots, if for no other reason than the sheer joy on her face when she realizes she made each one.

Thanks Riley. We all needed that. Let's go.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Never Too Old

This starts a little slow, but once they get down the basics, these seniors take off with it.



I hate dancing, as a general rule. I've never understood the need to dance at clubs, weddings, etc. You mean I got showered and dressed up only to get all sweaty from jumping around? Can't we just sit/stand here and get drunk instead?

The only time dancing is acceptable is when it's hilarious and/or adorable. So basically, if it's being done by little kids or by senior citizens. And that's it.

Of course, if this week's inspiration, Sheilinha, wants to dance around, I won't be mad about it.


Let's go.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Whatevs



It’s been too long since I’ve let my brain loose. I’ve spent weeks, months caging it in spreadsheets, business plans, and emails. In Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat—even Google+. Cruelty, thy name is a computer screen.

Ironic, then, that I’m curing that with…another computer screen. Whatever. This is free-form writing. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Of course, free-form writing has now been co-opted by blogging. I blog, but typically do so with a set purpose. A subject, some opinions about said subject, maybe a funny video or a scintillating picture to support said opinions about said subject… I’ve lived in that wheelhouse for years now. Sure, it gets lonely on weekends and the landlord hasn’t fixed the leaky roof, but… Whatever. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Boredom is to blame for this rare, random break from the mundane normality of—and, as some might point out, scarce population of—this blog. I’m bored on a Thursday night. Of course, you could replace “Thursday” in that sentence with any of the other six days, and you’d probably still be right. Welcome to your late thirties. Life starts to feel like a warning message to the 20somethings around you.

“The end is nigh! Enjoy the late night booty calls, lack of worry about…anything, and feeling like the envy of the rest of the world!”

Sounds like fun, right? Ah, what am I talking about. No 20somethings are sitting at a computer screen reading this right now. You’re all out tweeting your twerkers and Tindering your Instagrams. Damn kids.

Me, I’m sipping a glass of bourbon and sitting here. Wondering what’s next. Maybe I’ll just go watch the news. Whatever. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Stiff Competition

Welp, I'm moving to China.

From Playboy:
This Chinese game show starts with two women hitting the streets in search of contestants–each carrying a rubber chicken, because why not. Once the men have been chosen, they’re taken to a competition stage where each woman gives a hand job and the first man to…finish, wins.


My question is, what happens to the guy who loses? Do they just leave him like that? Don't they know guys can die from blue balls? I mean, that's just science.

(Maybe they send them to Japan to compete in a consolation game.)

Throwback Thursday: "I Want You" — Thalia ft. Fat Joe

Sure, it's pop-y, papi. But Thalia is adorable. And this is a solid summer cookout/block party jam to get everyone's feet moving.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Feel the Excitement

The only thing that could possibly make the USA's win in last night's Women's World Cup final better is a Mexican play-by-play announcer. Thankfully, NBC Deportes has just that.



I wish all announcers had that kind of passion for the games they call. Can you imagine Al Michaels losing his shit on Sunday Night Football when Odell Beckham, Jr. does this? Or Doc Emrick pounding his chest and screaming every time Evgeni Malkin snaps a wristshot past a goalie? Well, that one kind of already happens. But you get my point. Passion is what makes sports so exciting. And Mexican announcers have that in spades.

Speaking of "Mexicans" and "passion," this week's inspiration is the world's favorite meteorologist, Yanet Garcia:


Let's go.