Thursday, July 28, 2011

Cars 3: A Horror Story

*sigh* Women drivers...

Forgive my misogynistic overtones, but reading this article and looking at the pictures just brings it out of me. I know the fairer sex finds the term-of-endearment that I opened with above to be offensive (if not quaint, in an Archie Bunker kind of way). And I know that someone having lady parts instead of gentleman parts doesn’t preclude them from being able to drive well. Hell, Danica Patrick has proven that, as have others before her. To be clear: I don’t think women are incapable of being good drivers; I just think most of them aren’t good drivers.

I’ve had enough near misses and road-rage-induced-meltdowns due to women piloting cars with reckless abandon to form this opinion. But before any of you ladies start sending me hate mail (or additional hate mail, for some of you), read this Yahoo! Autos story. Then tell me if you’re madder at me for my comments, or at this woman for acting as your representative.

From Yahoo! Autos:
The Hope Diamond of fender benders unfolded yesterday in possibly the most conspicuous stretch of asphalt in the .75-square-mile principality — the round-about in front of the James Bond-worthy casino — when three blondes in a jelly-bean blue Bentley Azure ($363,000) scraped the rear of a white Mercedes-Benz S-Class (a paltry $91,000). And that was merely the appetizer.

Served up for the main course were a hapless black Ferrari F430 ($186,000), which was hit nose-first by the 2.7-ton Bentley. Then, like two tankers mashing in the fog, a four-door Aston Martin Rapide ($228,000) crunched into the Azure’s passenger door. The cherry on this metal, plastic and carbon-fiber shattering souffle: a stray Porsche 911 ($77,000).

In all, a Titanic mess in mere moments, involving nearly a million dollars of primo automotive machinery. How did this happen? A quick photo-based forensics of the scene based on knowledge of the Place du Casino offers many clues.

What’s evident is that these five vehicles did not all converge on each other in one massive supercar big bang. The Bentley clearly was at fault. Its nose is pointing straight at the casino’s entrance, an entrance where fine cars are routinely valet-parked diagonally. It seems that the Bentley’s driver thought she could sneak past the white Mercedes, then swerved right when she realized they were going to collide, which in turn clipped the Rapide coming up on her right. The Ferrari and the Porsche were collateral damage - parked directly in the Bentley’s now diverted path.
So ladies, I beg you to use common sense, before you or a girlfriend of yours plays bumper cars with another five beautiful and finely-tuned works of art. If you can afford a Bentley Azure (or if you're married to/dating/the daughter of someone who can...just saying), please do the world a favor and pay for some lessons to improve your critical driving skills as well.

You could even hire Danica to tutor you, if nothing else.

Respect My Gangsta: Buzz Aldrin

Okay, now that's two days in a row where 70 year old men have put the brakes on a younger opponent. Yesterday the story of Alex Trebek chasing down a thief—and blowing out his achilles in the process—was released, and today we get a taste of what one of the world's most famous astronauts is cooking for anyone questioning his integrity. [Feel free to fast forward to about the 1:21 mark.]

Throwback Thursday: "Uptown Anthem" -- Naughty by Nature

This is how long it's been since I'd seen this video: I had completely forgotten that Tupac appeared in it.

Naughty had a lot of underappreciated gems, and this is definitely one of them. [Some may argue that it got enough play to disqualify it from the realm of "underappreciated"; my response is that, although it got some play, it never got enough. This should probably be their career-defining track, like what "Elevators" was to OutKast.]

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Respect My Gangsta: Alex Trebek

He may be a 71 year old Canadian, but that doesn't mean Alex Trebek is anyone's bitch.

From The Huffington Post:
Trebek was visiting San Francisco to host the National Geographic World Championship at Google headquarters when the robbery occurred, which we imagine boosted the competition's ratings by about 6,000 percent.

At approximately 2:30am, 56-year-old Lucinda Moyers broke into Trebek’s hotel room and stole cash and a bracelet his mother had given him, stashing it near the ice machine. The 71-year-old star then pursued her on foot, snapping his Achilles tendon in the process, according to ABC7. (Surely while shouting, “don’t mess with Trebek!")

Eight hours later, Trebek described the scene to the audience at the National Geographic show. According to Patch's live blog from the event, Trebek explained that he incurred his injury “at 2:30am, while chasing a burglar down the hallway of my San Francisco hotel until my Achilles tendon ruptured and then I fell on carpet, bruising the other leg in the process. Surgery is on Friday.”
That's right—not only did the famous TV personality chase down the thief and assist in her arrest, he did it with a ruptured Achilles tendon.

First Bob Barker, now Trebek. Do NOT fuck with old game show hosts.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Taste the Rainbow

Oh. My. Damned.

Goddamn I wish they actually let companies air ads like this. I'd carry a family-size bag of Skittles around just to toss them on chicks.

And, while we're at it, can we replace "making it rain" with "sharing the rainbow"? I may not have 10 Gs to throw on a stripper, but I'll gladly spend $50 to spray her up with Skittles.

Skittles - Newlyweds - Dir. Cousins [Not affiliated with Wrigley or Skittles. Contains explicit content not suitable for minors] from Cousins on Vimeo.

Spotted on the T.I.T.S. Blog.

Kevin Hart: Behind the Scenes

Here's an entertaining look at the wardrobe decisions, rehearsals, hard work, and fun that come with being the host of the 2011 BET Awards.

Bonus comedy: It's a well-known fact that Kevin is a borderline dwarf (5'6", I believe). But it's still humorous to see it illustrated when he stands next to Harris, who must be about 5'9" or so.

One Knee Equals Too Sweet

When we watch the NFL, we marvel at some of the more spectacular catches that guys like Chad Ochocinco, Andre Johnson, and Calvin Johnson make from week to week. But we may never see any of them pull off something like this, thanks to the NFL's rulebook.

From Deadspin:
Different football (Australian), different rules (as far as we can tell from watching this televised Calvinball that airs on the wee hours on ESPN2, there are no rules). But we're still awestruck by this move that Carlton's Andrew Walker pulled on Saturday night.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Pimping 101

Filed in the "So stupid, it's got to be real" section...

From the Huffington Post:
Meeting new people in real life (IRL) isn't common now that we have social media. Sure, you might be introduced to your friend's roommate at a party, but that doesn't mean you haven't already seen photos of him on Facebook or read about how much he loved "Midnight in Paris" on his blog. Meeting a flat-out stranger you want to get to know is kind of a novelty in 2011 -- an old fashioned situation if you will.

Luckily, Everything Is Terrible unearthed this brilliant instructional video from the late 80s, and in it Kathryn Brown teaches us to flirt should the occasion ever arise. Don't worry, guys! You'll be attractive to strangers in no time!

Steve Nash is a Competitor

This commercial is hilarious. And not just because he's driving a Prius.

Kanye & Jigga: "Otis"

Here's the second release off of their upcoming collab album, "Watch the Throne". Let's see how long this YouTube clip stays up. If it gets pulled, you can go to Life + Times to listen too.

Throwback Thursday: "Slippin" -- DMX

This may be my favorite DMX track. The title and message carry an ironic weight now, though, because X has lost a few battles with his crack addiction in the 12 years since this was released.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Rocawear + Transformers

My inner fanboy just found himself some new gear. Jigga's designer clothing line has released a t-shirt collection featuring everyone's favorite robots in disguise.

From Roc4Life:
Rocawear, fresh off the success of pairing Jay-Z's lyrics with Snoopy and Peanuts (not Snoop Doggy Dogg), has collaborated once again, but this time it's Hasbro's Transformers. Yes, the box office smash hit has partnered with Shawn Carter's Rocawear for an offering of a variety of t-shirts. Check out what turned out to be an incredible collision of hip hop energy, Autobots and Decepticons, we're sure you won't be disappointed!

Many more designs are available at Rocawear's website (and they're 25% off until 3 PM EST tomorrow). They also released a short "Making of" video to launch the collection.

Tail Report: Hope Solo

Coverage of the US Women's Soccer Team in the recent World Cup has brought some racing heartbeats to this great nation of ours, and not just for the last-second heroics. Miss Solo, a goalie whose eyes can stop you in your tracks even faster than her quick reflexes can a penalty kick, has been America's darling over the last couple of weeks as we've watched her lead our team to the championship game, and heartbreakingly close to the championship itself. She even inspired a family feud for yours truly, causing my cousin and I to have a tweet-off over the rights to her heart. [I'm saying, Cuz... You may have the cool job, but I got the height! WHAT??]

She's still adjusting to her newfound fame though, as this clip with forward Alex Morgan (another US standout, both on the field and off) shows.

Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug. I've got faith in you to get it right the next time though, babe. Call me (and not my knuckleheaded cousin).

Doin' the Bump

I don't know what this dance is called; but ladies, if you're going to do it, be sure to wear some padding in your shorts (shortie in the purple top probably has an icepack on each cheek right now).

Bonus note: Ol' girl in the pink top actually managed to distract me from the booty abuse going on for several seconds. That titty-bounce was righteous.

Monday, July 18, 2011

"Laugh at My Pain" Trailer

I didn't know he was doing an official movie release out of this tour, but it makes sense. It's the next logical step for a comedian on the rise. Won't be long before Kevin Hart rules the world.

Just Sayin'...

...J.Lo's single again. Even at 41...I'd still put in work.

Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and Dodge...and Bounce

Ever see something that you immediately want to do, while fully acknowledging that it'll end in pain?

Aside from that one chick at the club, that is.

Welcome to trampoline dodgeball. From ESPN's Page 2:
"It feels like I'm back on the playground in second grade," said dodgeballer Matt Liechty, 34.

Like many trampoline centers sprouting across the country, Sky High Sports hosts monthly trampoline dodgeball tournaments that bring out players anywhere from ages 5 through 55. Picture Ben Stiller in all his Globo Gym glory, mixed with some SlamBall. Six-person teams travel from all over to dodge, dip, duck, dive and dodge for cash prizes worth less than a tank of gas. As players get pelted by youthful memories and big foam balls, Raymond says they're getting quite a workout. An hour of jumping on the trampolines will burn more than 1,000 calories.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Throwback Thursday: "Sittin up in My Room" -- Brandy

Brothas can lie if they want, but you all know you were thirsting Brandy hard back in the day. Always loved this little jam, and now it's one of those songs that instantly reminds me of high school. (Yes, I'm old...fight me.)

Bonus "lols" at a pre-"Scrubs" Donald Faison making a cameo.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What Was He Thinking?

From the Los Angeles Times:
For reasons unknown to anyone who's remotely familiar with basketball, Bow Wow challenged Bryant at his basketball camp to a game of one-on-one, wagering the rights to his next single. Naturally, the Black Mamba didn't shy away from the challenge ... err, the chance to steal candy from a baby, and humiliated him in the process. But Bow Wow wouldn't let it go. He then challenged Bryant to a rematch worth $1,000 where he could only shoot jumpers. Bryant walked away $1,000 richer with an easy way to gradually build more strength in his knee. (Note: The video contains language that some viewers might find objectionable.)

Clearly, Bow Wow doesn't subscribe to the theories of Gambling 101. One of those includes not making bets you don't have any sense of a chance of actually winning.
This is just brutal to watch. Kobe toys with him the whole time, all in front of his campers and Bow Wow's entourage.

A couple of thoughts:
  1. Why the hell does Bow Wow have a guy carry around what looked to be about $10 Gs in cash in a duffle bag?
  2. Nice move by Kobe to divy up his winnings among the kids.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Falling in Love is Dangerous

Guys: No matter what crazy scheme you may be thinking up for proposing to your girlfriend, you'll never top this guy. Never. Don't even try.

Shake Weight DVD

I don't know why it's taken me so long to catch this clip. This is hilarious, and it may be the hottest Kristen Wiig's ever looked.

"Move, bitch...Get out the way, bitch, get out the way!!"

If you live in a place (like Pittsburgh, for example) where bicyclists clog up the flow of traffic on the city streets, I'm sure this video will make you smile.

It damn sure made me smile.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Entourage Season 8 Trailer

The final 8 episodes are coming, and it looks like they've packed a ton of stuff into them. *Bart Scott voice* CAN'T WAIT!

Throwback Thursday: "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" -- Boyz II Men

CS has kind of been on hiatus the last several days...sorry about that. I had a death in my fam, and had to make a last-minute trip out to Philly for a few days.

Hate to bring things back on a somber note, but sometimes life's like that. I just lost my aunt last week, and then today learned that one of my friends from college just passed. So right now, I'm really feeling this 1991 release by Boyz II Men (video quality isn't great, but at least the audio's on point).

RIP Aunt Barbara
RIP Mike Virgin

Friday, July 1, 2011

It's Friday

Time to tempt fate...

Real Husbands of Hollywood

Okay, so there was another reason to watch the BET Awards besides Teairra Marie's red carpet appearance. Kevin Hart kills, of course, but so does Nick Cannon. Good to see he can laugh at himself.

"When a man talk about your wife, and... and you can't really rap... What you 'posed to do?"

My boy Pro with the assist. Video quality ain't great, but BET's versions won't play when embedded [I mean, really? Even their web media content is ghetto? *sigh*...]