Cars 3: A Horror Story

*sigh* Women drivers...

Forgive my misogynistic overtones, but reading this article and looking at the pictures just brings it out of me. I know the fairer sex finds the term-of-endearment that I opened with above to be offensive (if not quaint, in an Archie Bunker kind of way). And I know that someone having lady parts instead of gentleman parts doesn’t preclude them from being able to drive well. Hell, Danica Patrick has proven that, as have others before her. To be clear: I don’t think women are incapable of being good drivers; I just think most of them aren’t good drivers.

I’ve had enough near misses and road-rage-induced-meltdowns due to women piloting cars with reckless abandon to form this opinion. But before any of you ladies start sending me hate mail (or additional hate mail, for some of you), read this Yahoo! Autos story. Then tell me if you’re madder at me for my comments, or at this woman for acting as your representative.

From Yahoo! Autos:

The Hope Diamond of fender benders unfolded yesterday in possibly the most conspicuous stretch of asphalt in the .75-square-mile principality — the round-about in front of the James Bond-worthy casino — when three blondes in a jelly-bean blue Bentley Azure ($363,000) scraped the rear of a white Mercedes-Benz S-Class (a paltry $91,000). And that was merely the appetizer.

Served up for the main course were a hapless black Ferrari F430 ($186,000), which was hit nose-first by the 2.7-ton Bentley. Then, like two tankers mashing in the fog, a four-door Aston Martin Rapide ($228,000) crunched into the Azure’s passenger door. The cherry on this metal, plastic and carbon-fiber shattering souffle: a stray Porsche 911 ($77,000).

In all, a Titanic mess in mere moments, involving nearly a million dollars of primo automotive machinery. How did this happen? A quick photo-based forensics of the scene based on knowledge of the Place du Casino offers many clues.

What’s evident is that these five vehicles did not all converge on each other in one massive supercar big bang. The Bentley clearly was at fault. Its nose is pointing straight at the casino’s entrance, an entrance where fine cars are routinely valet-parked diagonally. It seems that the Bentley’s driver thought she could sneak past the white Mercedes, then swerved right when she realized they were going to collide, which in turn clipped the Rapide coming up on her right. The Ferrari and the Porsche were collateral damage - parked directly in the Bentley’s now diverted path.

So ladies, I beg you to use common sense, before you or a girlfriend of yours plays bumper cars with another five beautiful and finely-tuned works of art. If you can afford a Bentley Azure (or if you're married to/dating/the daughter of someone who can...just saying), please do the world a favor and pay for some lessons to improve your critical driving skills as well.

You could even hire Danica to tutor you, if nothing else.