Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Cold Sore IED?

Rumor has it that Amy Bishop, the biology professor behind the February 12th shooting at the University of Huntsville-Alabama, planted a "herpes bomb" somewhere on campus. Experts assure, though, that the effectiveness of such a device would be very minimal, given the fragile nature of the virus.
In order for a herpes bomb to make anyone sick, the virus particles would first have to survive the explosion and then be thrown into direct contact with a victim's mucosal surface, like the insides of his mouth or genitals, or into his eyes. They could also land on a wound or open sore, and thus enter his bloodstream directly. Plus, if Bishop's bomb hasn't gone off yet, it probably expired several days ago. Herpes can't last more than a couple of days outside the body at room temperature, even in a pH-balanced saline solution.

Of course, if Bishop's weapon exists, it wouldn't be the first "herpes bomb" to be inflicted upon the mass populace—

—though it would be far less douchey.

Thursday Throwback: "Flava in Your Ear [Remix]" -- Craig Mack

One of the all-time sickest tracks—not to mention one of the sickest lineups for a remix.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Spinning Gold

Fearless prediction: The 2012 Summer Olympics will be the highest-rated and attended games in history. What makes me so confident in that prognostication? There is a push being made by advocates of the “sport” to add pole dancing to the lineup of sanctioned Olympic events.

Suddenly, the words “Olympics” and “anticipated” are allowed to be in the same sentence.
Hong Kong-based Ania Przeplasko, the founder of the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association, the sport's fledgling supervisory body, believes Olympic recognition is only a matter of time and would be a victory for underappreciated sports worldwide.

"There will be a day when the Olympics see pole dancing as a sport," she said. "The Olympic community needs to acknowledge the number of people doing pole fitness now. We're shooting for 2012."

Because we are only two years away from the London games, the idea would be to make pole dancing a “test event” in 2012. A more formal pitch to have an official pole dancing event added to the 2016 Olympics would then be made.

Just think: that dollar you slide into a garter tonight might help the young lady achieve her dreams of Olympic gold (of course, it might also help her score an eight ball off her girlfriend’s dealer, but let’s keep an optimistic mindset here). In the near future, “making it rain” could be seen as a legitimate philanthropic act. I may have to make arrangements to be in London two and half years from now, to support the future of a “sport” that has been near and dear to my heart for as long as I can remember. I wonder if the USOC is going to be accepting applications for talent scouts?

So remember, you read it here first: the 2012 summer games will see a noticeable bulge in viewership, not to mention a large swelling of attendance. It will stand as the most popular Olympics ever—that is, until 2016. Why’s that, you ask? That year, first Olympic games to feature an official pole dancing event, will be held in Rio de Janeiro.

Is it too early to book my plane tickets?

Daily Dunk: Antawn Jamison

In his first start for the Cavs (and their first win since he arrived), Jamison did something that I've never seen him do before. Lebron must be giving lessons during practice on "how to posterize your opponent."

Monday, February 22, 2010

It's Real on the Squash Court

A.) If you get this fired up about winning a squash match, you might want to try your hand at, you know, a real sport.

B.) I never thought I'd see the day where Sportscenter covers an NCAA squash match, let alone brings in Merril Hoge and a telestrator to get it done.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Have you ever found yourself standing in a grocery store checkout line, when you glance over and see some women's magazine doling out terrible advice while promising to teach a gal everything there is to know about men? Makes you nauseas, doesn't it? Well the boys across the pond at decided to have a go at recreating some of those covers, and give the bitter editors of those rags a taste of their own medicine.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Olympic Pimpin

The upside—well, one of the upsides—to being an Olympic athlete: groupies. The Olympic village is always a hotbed of hot beds, as was reported during the 2008 games in Beijing. So should we blame Scotty Lago, who won the US a snowboarding bronze medal, for indulging in a little fun at a Vancouver bar? Of course not. He deserves all of the sloreign tail that comes his way while in the wilds of one of Canada’s largest metropolises.

The downside to being an Olympic athlete: the suits who run things tend to frown when pictures of you end up on TMZ. And they really hate it when those photos show a groupie going down on your medal at the bar. Thus, Mr. Lago is no longer in Vancouver.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!

[If you're scratching your head at that title line, just Google it]

Hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy some booze, beads, boobs, and good ol' Mardi Gras good times this year—especially those of you who, like me, have been held hostage by snow and ice for the past week and a half.

Get down with the get down.

Feeling Lucky?

Damn, I'm kind of late on this one. Props to Hollywood for the spot.

Monday, February 15, 2010

"John Play the Riff -- PLAY THE F**K RIFF!"

First he got a hood pass (or, as he calls it, a "n****r pass"); now he may get a smut pass.

Vivid Entertainment has offered John Mayer a chance to write and direct one of their movies.
In the now infamous piece, Mayer said his "dream" is to write pornography. And now, X-rated company Vivid Entertainment has offered him a gig doing just that.

According to, Vivid sent the bluesy guitarist a letter asking him if he wants to write and direct one of its upcoming nudie flicks.

Vivid believes Mayer has the right credentials because, in their words, his talents have "touched so many."

Mayer's publicist has quickly stated that the musician will be declining the offer. But at this point, I'm not so sure that's a wise move. Every day the Adult Entertainment industry becomes a little more legitimized, which would suggest that the project might not tarnish an established celebrity's public image as much as it may have in years past. And, given the last couple of weeks, can things honestly get any worse for Mayer's public image?

Personally, I've been having fun with the thought of Mayer signing onto this project. What would the title be? "Your Booty is a Wonderland"? "StepDaughters"? Or maybe just "Sexual Napalm"? Would Dave Chappelle make a cameo, and start a scene by paying homage to the one in their famous skit from "Chappelle's Show"? The potential for this one is through the roof.

Please rethink this, John. I think the world needs this in our lives right now.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Video: Dyme Def "Do Something"

Seattle's hottest rap group drops another video, this one featuring porn star Gianna Michaels (safe for work). The song is "Do Something" from their Sex Tape mixtape with T.I.T.S. Brand clothing.

P.S. I recognize some chicks in this video but I ain't namin' names!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Playing Tennis Never Looked So Rewarding

Sports Illustrated has announced the 2010 covergirl of their annual swimsuit edition: Mrs. Andy Roddick (a.k.a. Brooklyn Decker).

Who's the bigger winner here? Brooklyn, for this major career feat? Or Roddick, who now has a trump card over Roger Federer & co.?
As for her husband, Decker said, “I think he basically takes the reins in the locker room for the next year or so. He has good bragging rights. He’s very proud.”

In Case You Hadn't Noticed...

...there's been a little bit of snow over the weekend. And while my fellow East Coast/Mid-Atlantic peoples and I are still trying to dig ourselves out of Friday and Saturday's snowpocalypse, the forecast is calling for us to get pounded by another storm tonight (I think I'm going to ask Hero to start scouting apartments for me in L.A.).

I want to send a special shout-out to the City of Pittsburgh for their fantastic snow removal work. Four days after the storm, and they have yet to salt or plow a single city street. FML.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Lil Gangsta Don't Play

Little man has heart, but...his mom looks too damn good for one little baby slap to stop me. He can have all the Doritos he wants.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ballin' Out with Nemo & 'Em

Got $325,000 that's just laying around your place, and looking to kill some time one week this spring? Then you might want to look into a modest vacation at Necker Island, where you are not only provided with the standard fun-in-the-sun found at a typical, run-of-the-mill, mom & pop private resort, but also something rather unique: a chance to "fly" underwater.
Guests on Necker Island, a retreat in the British Virgin Islands, will be able to dive underwater in a submarine dubbed the Necker Nymph for $25,000 a week. But that's only after shelling out around $300,000 for a one-week stay on Necker, the private island owned by billionaire and Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson.

Beginning on Feb. 20, two riders and a pilot and will be able to take the plunge from land, or from a boat. The underwater plane uses the downward pressure on its wings to fly through the water for up to two hours at a time, while an open cockpit will give riders a 360-degree view.

Maybe next fall, when The Hero wins the Main Event at the World Series of Poker, we can all take a little Crooked Straight staff retreat.

Hero—holla at ya boy.