Norm has Tiger's Back

This was a excellent piece by Norm MacDonald during the premier of his new Comedy Central show last night. It's time for the haters to lay off of Tiger.

It's Friday

Time to get ya mind right...

It's the Weekend

Coming right at ya...

Elin Gets $750 Million from Tiger

I was tempted to say that Tiger's new divorcee Elin "robbed" him, but I realize that he did dog her out for like (at least) 15 skanky hoes all over the west coast and NY.

Originally no one thought Tiger would have to pay this absurd amount, but then Elin's legal team exposed the bastard for millions (maybe billions) in hidden assets. Now, he is forking over 3/4 billion dollars to her. The good thing for Mr. Woods is that she can't talk about any of the business publicly, so he is avoiding future embarrassment. That seems to be a common theme in all these settlements that he's making with all these breezies he boned...no tell-all stories.

From the London Sun:

Wife Elin Nordegren, 30, gets the biggest payout ever seen in a celebrity divorce.

But she can never publicly speak out over his flings with socialite Rachel Uchitel, reality star Jaimee Grubbs, porn queen Joslyn James and up to 17 others, who will work out costing him 25 million pounds each.

A pal said: "Tiger's main fear is her telling her story after he's rebuilt his reputation, sending him back to the gutter."

"The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life -- even if Tiger dies first -- or she'll lose the lot."

Elin ended up with double the sum she originally sought, after her lawyers proved Tiger, 34, was worth much more than the $1 billion she thought.

Her friend explained: "Elin's legal team have done a great job digging up all sorts of assets.

Epic Hate

Apparently someone used their money to fly this banner over the Masters today...



Scourge with the dish

Tiger's New Spot

This is kind of deep. The voiceover in this Nike ad is that of his late father, Earl Woods.

Feeling Lucky?

Damn, I'm kind of late on this one. Props to Hollywood for the spot.

Tiger's Sex Tape

L-O-L

Your Own Piece of the Tiger Scandal

Tiger and his hoes

I can say for sure that the first picture is a false mistress of Tiger. The rest, I'm not so sure. Here's the list of the seven breezies that claimed they've had some Tiger dip, along with my personal summary of each:

Rachel Uchitel - I believe that this is the broad that started the firestorm. IMO not worth the trouble that has unwinded for the greatest black golfer of all-time. Uchitel has also dated Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, but she's not a groupie or anything.


Jamiee Grubbs - Allegedly had a 31-month affair with Earl and that affair included a sex tape that has been destroyed, according to Grubbs' ex-man. Still, I expect more from you Tiger.


Jamie Jungers - Las Vegas "model" who allegedly had a 2-year affair with Woods. Slightly better, IMO.


Kalika Moquin - Las Vegas marketing manager who denies the affair. Ehh. Again, not good enough for you Tiger.


Cori Rist - Just regular chick Tiger met at the club and she's avoided all the infamy with a private Myspace profile.


Mindy Lawton - Interestingly, the only picture I could find of Mindy was a mugshot. Now we're talking Tiger. On a sidenote, according to Lawton, Woods is quite the lover. He is "very well endowed" and "knows his way around the bedroom. On a scale of ten I would give him 12," she tells News of the World.


Holly Sampson - This 36-year-old pornstar has appeared in 85 racy titles such as Descent Into Bondage and Diary of a Horny Housewife -- Wait -- PORNSTAR?


What's the over-under on the amount of chicks that say they slept with Tiger? 1000? I'm setting it at 500. How are these chicks gonna start proving that they were with him?

And an even better question that every celebrity man out there is afraid of -- Will random mistresses just start to come out and expose married men left and right? Yikes.

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SNL's Take on Tiger

Great work by Kenan Thompson and Saturday Night Live's writers in this skit.

The Hypocrisy of the Tiger Saga

I guess it was only a matter of time before I felt “compelled” to offer my views on the whole Tiger story. Like others around the country, I’ve laughed and/or marveled at some of the more salacious and comical details that have come about for our consumption. But while discussing the thoughts voiced by Bill Simmons’ wife in Simmons' weekly column with TJ, I had a thought that seemingly few others have had—which is sad. The thought being this: I hate that Tiger is being so vilified for his “transgressions,” while Elin is seemingly being deemed innocent—or even worse, justified—for attacking him with a golf club.

First, is he right for cheating? This is really more of a philosophical question, but the standard "easy" answer is no. But is he human? He's a world-famous athlete, traveling the globe and making billions. Honestly, what I find surprising is that people are surprised at all that this happened. Women—especially the cheap-yet-undeniably-alluring variety that has him in this mess—throw themselves at him on a daily basis. I would wager a fair amount of my yearly income that some even do it in the presence of his wife. Slores will be slores. Personally I had hoped that it would be the type of high profile marriage where the wife just lets a few indiscretions slide, so long as the superstar hubby is honest, safe, and not making babies all around the world. And not disgracing her by letting stories of his bootycalls get played out in tabloids and Sportscenter segments. Not that a woman that understanding is common, just saying. And this brings into mind an interesting side point: had Elin not taken the actions that she did with that 3 iron, would we have ever found out about Tiger’s liaisons? Perhaps, but certainly not in the embarrassingly grandioso fashion that we now have.

Second, let's reverse this entire scenario: Let's say authorities get called to their house because Elin has wrecked their SUV into a hydrant and tree. And reports then roll in that Tiger is suspected to have chased her with his club and broken out the back window of the truck, causing the accident. The result? Tiger is instantly crucified the second this scene plays in the mass population's minds, especially given the racial makeup of the two participants. Now add the late-breaking revelation that all of it started because Elin was getting her plumbing worked on by other guys while Tiger was on the road. Would the media scrutiny of Tiger's actions suddenly stop? Would columnists and husbands around the country begin hailing him as a hero? Would wives of PGA players release statements about what a whore Elin is, and how badly they feel for Tiger to have to be married to her?

None of that would happen. And it's a shameful double standard that we hardly blink at in this cut-&-dry world in which we live. Poor little blonde woman gets cheated on by big meanie hubby. She’s a lauded heroine, he’s a despicable lout. She’s Tina, he’s Ike. If there really are any victims here, it’s Tiger and Elin’s children, which may sound somewhat cliché. But now they have to grow up with the world knowing that they have a crazy mother prone to violent overreactions, and a daddy who likes his occasional cocktail waitress (yet doesn’t have enough common sense to do his dirt cleverly). Thankfully, I think they’ll be able to afford some therapy sessions to erase all of the “damage”. Or they’ll just, you know, …get over it and move on.

If only the rest of us could do the same.

Tiger's Voicemail

Here's the recently-released voicemail that a very guilty-sounding man named Tiger left for Jaimee Grubbs, an LA cocktail waitress.

I think the most disappointing thing about this is that Tiger didn't use a high-pitched Mack voice when talking to this slore.

The Chinese Cracked the Case

Granted, I don't speak or read either Mandarin or Cantonese, so I don't know just what is being said in this video. But the dramatization/animation of the Tiger Woods accident is just too good to pass up.

Good looks go to O.C. at 99.3 KISSFM in Harrisburg for the find.



Update: The video was produced by a Taiwanese news channel, not a Chinese one.

Here come the Master's

And don't forget who the master is...



v the pro with the assist via espnmag

What Tiger does when he's on the disabled list

Here are a couple of (somewhat) funny Tiger adds for EA Sports, confirming that he is indeed the golfing God. In related news, I'm looking forward to getting this game for the Wii.

What you didn't know about Rocco Mediate

Is that he is a poker player, shown here at the 2005 World Series of Poker. Based on how friendly and loose he is on the golf course, he must be a lot of fun to play with on the felt.

Looks like Tiger might felt him though as Tiger is up two strokes through 11.