Friday, September 28, 2012

Made for TV

Coming in 2013; HBO Films Present "Blown Call". They were the least valuable player in the nation's most popular sports league, until they took a knee for what they believed.

Starring Jay Mohr as NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell; Liam Neeson as Ed Hochuli; Jeff Daniels as Bill Belichik; and Xzibit as Golden Tate.

I'm just spit-balling. But, after casually joking about it on Twitter, I'm really feeling this idea. Get at me, HBO.

It's the Weekend

Time to come together...

Fear of a Black Poet

L-O-L *done*

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Die Slow


...Which is about how long it takes this guy to die.

Throwback Thursday: "Whatcha Gonna Do?" -- Jayo Felony ft. Method Man & DMX

Slick 1998 track that hit right about the time X was blowing up. Interesting how his career and Jayo's went in decidedly different directions afterwards.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Sunny Makeover

The people at FX have decided that, after seven years, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia needed a little change. So they've brought in a few fresh faces to liven things up.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Tail Report: 2012 Emmy Awards

Did you know these were held the other night? Apparently they decided to celebrate television's biggest stars and programs at the same time as one of the NFL's biggest matchups: Ravens vs Patriots. Think about this; the entertainment industry's foremost TV aficionados held their business' biggest event opposite a must-see, Sunday night NFL game. You couldn't find a worse scheduling choice. And we wonder how these idiots manage to bet against shows like Community while pumping out trodden trash like $#*! My Dad Says.

*sigh* And now a little eye candy to make it all better.

Kat Dennings

Maria Menounos
I'm convinced she doesn't have a bad day. She probably rolls out of bed looking like this.

Sofia Vergara
Looking caliente, as per usual.

...Her hottest moment, though, came off the red carpet, when her booty split open her gown like Hulk Hogan going through a t-shirt. Ever the wifey-material lass, Sofia kindly tweeted the picture that the paparazzi couldn't catch themselves:

Love. Her.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Friday, September 21, 2012

"Yeezy taught me..."

And it looks like Ray J might have taught Yeezy. From Wonderwall:
Radar Online claims to have seen a 20-minute video of Yeezy getting it on with a curvy, dark-haired mystery woman. The young lady is supposedly a "dead ringer" for Kardashian and says on tape that she's over the age of 18 and married.

Other details from the alleged dalliance, according to Radar: Kanye appears to have set up the shoot, which is believed to have taken place shortly before he hooked up with Kim; he and his Kim-alike practice safe sex; and, like Julia Roberts and Richard Gere at the beginning of "Pretty Woman," they never lock lips.

"The sex tape is being shopped right now and there's a lot of interest, but Kanye is freaking out!" relays a source, who adds that the rapper was "practically in tears" over the leak. "He doesn't want this tape out and will do anything to make sure it stays private."
*sigh* 'Ye...goddamnit.


Let's just take a little look at this story, as reported by The Huffington Post:
Suzanne Welker, 31, was reportedly performing oral sex on Ernest Felix Gonzales, 27, as he was driving an SUV on Florida's I-95 Sunday afternoon, according to WJXT-TV.
Well now... Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
The couple allegedly became irate when [they] noticed that a family was watching them from another vehicle...
Hmm...I can understand Welker getting mad, but Gonzales was too? She must not have been doing the damn thing. When the throat action is good, you couldn't even get angry at someone if he was lighting your wallet on fire—while it was in your pocket. If Welker was putting it down when she stopped to bitch about the gawkers, Gonzales' response would've just been to put his hand on the back of her head while whispering, "Shhhh..." I'm almost inclined to think most of Gonzales' rage was just misdirected frustration.
...and they followed the family for more than 10 miles before confronting them with a semiautomatic weapon.
What the what? Remember in the '80s, when it was a stereotype that everyone in Florida was on drugs? Well...

And that's just the opening paragraph. My favorite part of the tale comes a little later.
When the couple noticed the family staring, Carr says, Welker "jumped up in the seat bare butt, mooned us through the window."

Gonzalez then reportedly slowed his SUV, began to tail Carr's pickup truck, and even attempted to run him off the road and into a guardrail, according to the Florida Times-Union.

Carr ultimately pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and bar owned by his parents. Gonzalez and Welker followed close behind. That, Carr told WJXT, is when "everything went crazy."

That's when everything went crazy? Mr. & Mrs. Freeway Fellatio mooning you, trying to run you off the road, and chasing you down into a parking lot didn't earn the "This is 50 Shades of insane" distinction in your head?

I'll be in Florida next month for a business trip. I think I'll stay off the highways, if at all possible.

It's the Weekend

Time to do the math...

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Auto Eroticism: McLaren P1

The boys and girls from Woking are at it again. From Motoramic:
Known as McLaren designer Frank Stephenson's first clean-sheet design for McLaren after the MP4-12C, the P1 is expected to combine the 3.8-liter V8 from the MP4-12C with some kind of hybrid system that could approach 1,000 hp total. In a statement, McLaren managing director Antony Sherriff says the P1 will be "the most exciting, most capable, most technologically advanced and most dynamically accomplished supercar ever made -- not necessarily to be the fastest in absolute top speed but to be the quickest and most rewarding series production road car on a circuit."
The early pictures are definitely enticing (the profile evokes memories of the McLaren F1), and thus far the MP4-12C has proven itself to be one of the best ultra-luxury sports cars on the market. McLaren seems determined to give folks with seven-digit bank accounts and a taste for six-digit cars something to think about next year.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

An Open Letter

Dear Replacement Refs,

It’s not you, it’s us.

…Okay, that’s a lie. It’s definitely you. But it’s not your fault. From the start, you’ve been a rebound. A fling. A cheap substitute for what we used to have. You were never truly prepared for the baggage and pressure that a relationship with us would bring. But, to your credit, you stepped in enthusiastically, ready to give your all. We admire that about you, we do. We certainly can’t imagine being put in that position ourselves—one of near-certain failure—and walking forward with our heads held high. That resolve, that pluck…it’s one of the reasons we felt so comfortable with you in the beginning.

But now things have gone as far as they were ever really destined to go. This relationship, this rebound, could only last but so long. Our Ex was always expected to be back in the picture, sooner or later. We knew it. You knew it. Our Ex knew it. We couldn’t stay mad at each other forever. We’re soulmates, our Ex and us; we know each other’s quirks, flaws, and strengths better than we know our own. We’ve built something strong over the last few decades—much too strong for any trivial fight over money matters to ever erase. We belong together; we just needed some time apart to remind us of that.

And you selflessly helped us with that in-between time. You bridged the gap for us, with no designs on your own lasting happiness. Sure, deep in the back of your mind, you sheltered hope that you could overcome the PowerBall-sized odds, and that this affair would blossom into a long-term relationship. The odds were slim, but what a dream to behold: That you could replace our Ex forever, and find yourself enjoying the good life you had watched from afar for so long.

But the time has come to say goodbye. We now understand what we were meant to learn from this whole episode: That you aren’t the solution. You can’t be, no matter how much you or we want you to be. We need our Ex back. It’s what’s best for everyone.

We just hope you can bear to face us from now on.

Love always,
NFL Fans

Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday Kickstart: What a Woman

What Nikki Johnson wants, Nikki Johnson gets. Especially if what she wants is a touchdown.

Ouch. I'm not sure there's a better way to kick off a workweek than watching a hot woman in very little clothing go all Christian Okoye on another hot woman in very little clothing. (Okay, so maybe there's one way it could be better...)

And since Nikki gets what she wants, I'm certainly not going to push my luck by bringing in some other woman to serve as this week's motivation:

Don't hurt 'em, Nikki. Let's go.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Throwback Thursday: "I'll Be" -- Foxy Brown ft. Jay-Z

15 years later, this track still bumps. Foxy may have been spitting Jay's ghostwritten words, but at least she spit them well. And looked damn good while doing it.

Auto Eroticism: Peugeot Onyx Concept

If you're not familiar with the name Peugeot, you were probably born in the U.S. after 1990. Though they've never held a particularly strong share of the American auto market, during the 80s the French automaker's badge was another face in the crowd that greeted me on bumper-to-bumper L.A. freeways. Though they stopped exporting across the Atlantic in the 90s, Peugeot has maintained a consistent presence throughout Europe. Now, it appears, they may intend on making that presence known.

Peugeot has revealed a concept car unlike any before it: incredibly lightweight, made from recycled materials, and powered by hybrid fuel technology. From Top Gear:
It's a one-off supercar concept designed by a group of Pug designers briefed with exploring the use of unprocessed materials in new ways. So that body has been hand-finished using pure copper sheet metal, and because it's untreated, the finish will change over the course of time, giving it a new look.

The remainder of the bodywork panels are made from carbon fibre, finished in a matt black, and you can tell how pleased Peugeot is with its RCZ sportscar, as the Onyx sports a double-bubble roof in honour of it. Even the ruddy windows and the roof are made from PolyMethylMethAcrylate (PMMA) - basically, shatter-resistant plastic.

Underneath is where the Onyx gets a bit more exciting. The chassis was developed with the help of Peugeot Sport - themselves a bit handy with a bag of spanners - and is constructed from monolithic carbon, and comprises just 12 parts. It's even been built with a flat carbon fibre floor like they use in racecars, even if the Onyx has been made "suitable for the road". All in, the whole thing weighs just 1,100kg with torsional stiffness said to be ‘optimised'.

It had better be too, because bolted onto that shell is the 3.7-litre V8 hybrid HDi FAP engine used for Peugeot's Le Mans programme, here developing some 600bhp transmitted to the rear wheels through a six-speed sequential gearbox. There's an 80bhp boost button incorporated inside too, utilising battery power recuperated from brake energy. Oh yeah, those brakes: 380mm discs at the front and 355mm at the back. Huge.

Inside is where it gets a bit playschool fantasy. The interior is constructed from compressed and stretched felt (obtained from boiled wool, no less), formed as a one-piece pod with no stitching or joins, and acts almost like a pod: as a whole, it contains the soundproofing, seats, roof and upper console. Your body fits into this pod like an organic whole. Very Alien-esque.

The dash is made from wood produced from recycled newspapers - with not a hacking scandal in sight - complete with digital screens and aluminium switchgear operating the engine and air-conditioning controls.
This car looks like a monster--albeit a very, very environmentally-friendly monster. If you make your millions off biofuels, this may just be the car for you.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Room with a View

From the WTF Department comes this gem. As Yahoo! News explains:
A Rock Hill, N.C., woman knew something was in her attic when she heard a thump and then saw some nails start popping out from her bedroom ceiling one night.

Tracy, a mother of five, thought it might be an animal. She sent her older sons and nephew to check it out, she told WCNC-TV in Charlotte.

She told the Charlotte Observer she thought "there was some poltergeist stuff going on."

And what they found was surprising. It wasn't an animal. It was the woman's ex-boyfriend.

He came down from the attic without any explanation and left with a smile before police could arrive, the Observer reports.

The man had been living in the attic for about two weeks, WCNC reports, noting that the ex-boyfriend was recently released from jail.
While living in an attic may not sound ideal, it apparently did have one perk:
Tracy's nephew told the Observer the man was able to peek through an air vent in the ceiling of the woman's bedroom.

"It's got me flabbergasted," she told the newspaper. "How can you look at someone through an air vent?"
As you know with real estate, it's all about location, location, location.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

F.O.H.: Bic for Her

Because, you know, girls can't write with those testosterone-laden blue and black pens. They're much too heavy for a girl's frail little fingers, and would make unsightly clumps of hair grow all over her body.

F.O.H., Bic.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Video: Xzibit -- "Napalm"

New fire (no pun intended) from the X-to-the-Z. If you haven't already heard this track: Trust me, it's like no other Xzibit song before it.

Monday Kickstart: Big Ups

That's President Obama getting a pick-me-up from Scott Van Duzer, the owner of a pizza shop in Fort Pierce, FL. Van Duzer, a registered Republican, says he'll be voting for Obama in November.
"I don't vote party line, I vote who I feel comfortable with, and I do feel extremely comfortable with him," said Van Duzer, who also voted for Obama in 2008.
I also vote for who I feel comfortable with; if Kelly Brook ever enters the political arena, she's got my full support.

Let's go.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Beat$$$ by Dre

Jay and 'Ye may have logged more facetime over the past year, but Dr. Dre was quietly earning the most money. According to Yahoo! Music:
In 2008 he teamed with Iovine and a handful of other partners to launch Beats By Dr. Dre, which now sells more than half of the country's premium headphones ($100 and up). That's music to the ears of Dr. Dre, who collected $100 million pretax when handset maker HTC paid $300 million for a 51% stake in the company last year.

With $110 million in pretax earnings, Dr. Dre is this year's Hip-Hop Cash King—despite the fact that his long-awaited album, Detox, remains on the shelf. He's not the only one on the list who banks the bulk of his bucks outside the recording studio. Diddy ranks No. 2 with $45 million, thanks mostly to a share of profits from Diageo's Ciroc vodka; Jay-Z ranks third with $38 million, pulling in more than half his annual earnings from ventures including ownership stakes in cosmetics company Carol's Daughter, the Brookyln Nets and a joint venture with battery maker Duracell. Last year, Jay-Z topped the list with $37 million.
Speaking of Kanye, he came in at #4. Wonder if that's giving Kim a wandering eye...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Come at Me, D'oh

I'm all for injecting a little bit of attitude into sports. But common sense tells you to wait until your opponent is actually down for the count before you get too cocky.

"We're on a bo--BLAOW"

The crash test dummies they use to test boats are super realistic.

Respect My Gangsta: Kim Hyun-Chul

He's being called "South Korea's Jon McClain". Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Monday Kickstart: Dock Tales

If you know me, you know I'm anything but a baseball fan. Nor do I have a very experienced background in drugs (...well, drugs that aren't weed). But none of that means I can't fully appreciate when those two worlds collide, as they did so beautifully in the legend of Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis.

Some may marvel at Dock's story, but it makes total sense to me; it would take a powerful hallucinogenic like LSD to make baseball interesting.

Ms. Ai Sayama, however, requires no assistance in captivating me:

Let's go.