Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tail Report: Christina Milian in Cosmopolitan for Latinas

I'll hold of on the dissertation I could write on the inherent racism of there being a "Cosmo for Latinas", and instead focus on Christina looking like a plate of "MMMM-MMMM" with a side of "good god" in this photo spread. Easily one of the hottest women on the planet. Makes you wonder how much The Dream is hating himself these days.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Monday Kickstart: Shakin' off the Haters Like Fleas

To put it plainly, this dog is more athletically gifted than you.

Now if THAT's not motivation to get your ass in gear this week, I don't know what is. Don't feel like jogging two miles? Yeah, that's cool...Jumpy just did a somersault 15 feet across a pool, landed on a scooter, rode it down a mountain, jumped off, caught a zip line with his teeth, and took that sumumabitch straight down to the deck of a yacht, where he landed in Kate Upton's lap—and tweeted a pic of that shit (hashtag: RedRocketInHerPocket). You know...no big deal.

And now that you're hateful, allow me to reinvigorate you with the lovely Ms. Esjay Craigie:

Let's go.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Advanced Marketing

This is how you spit in Yelp's face.

Throwback Thursday: "N****s Die 4 Me" -- Drag-On ft. DMX

This track was a banger back in 2000, at the peak of the Ruff Ryder dynasty. Everyone thought Drag-On would be the next big act, but then he quickly...flamed out.

(Pun very much intended.)

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

"I AM crazy. And you know what else? I don't give a fuck."

By now you've probably heard that there's a girl named Rebecca Martinson at the University of Maryland destined to be my drunken, angry, slutty (ex-)wife. The email heard 'round the world has now been brought to life by Michael Shannon:

...and, in an even better clip, by Alison Haislip:

This girl has brought so much joy to the world, including my new favorite two-word phrase. Some of my closest friends are Delta Gammas, and I can't help but daydream about them raging like this. It's...it's oh so delicious.

So, Kev's Back at Crooked Straight?

Y'all ain't ready...

(Welcome home, brother.)

NBA 6th Man of the Year Goes to...

J.R. Smith, who is handing out pipe to those who are willing as well.

And of course this wouldn't be America if someone didn't capitalize on this opportunity to make a t-shirt that will undoubtedly be showing up in a bar near you.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Kevin Hart: Sex Education

For all of us immature perverts, there's nothing funnier than strolling around in a sex shop. Well, until Kevin Hart documents himself strolling around in a sex shop. Hart is actually late in discovering some of the following, but it's still pure comedy coming out of his mouth. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

Monday Kickstart: Keep in Touch

Long distance relationships can be tough—just ask Anthony Wiener. Durex, therefore, has created something to help couples get into each other's pants, even when those pants are in another zip code.

This is an interesting idea, but I can't help but think about the potential drawbacks. Like being in public, your girl sneaking a "feel", and suddenly being the creepy boner guy in the Starbucks.

Don't act like you're not impressed...

Speaking of causing visible excitement, allow me to introduce the beautiful Ms. Lauren Li:

Let's go.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Tail Report: Lacey Banghard in FHM

Still not sure what's better: Lacey, or her last name. How often does the following exchange happen to her?

Guy: "Hi—John Smith."
Her: "Lacey Banghard."
Guy: "Oh does she?"

Here are some of the pics from her recent FHM photoshoot. For more, click the link.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Throwback Thursday: "Incarcerated Scarfaces" -- Raekwon

Back in '95, every kid living outside of NYC wished he grew up in NYC. Videos like this one were a big part of it. Seeing the raw, rough-around-the-edges swagger that videos like this depicted made you just a little jealous that you weren't a native of the streets of Shaolin.

"N***a I seen it,
like a 27 in. Zenith, believe it"

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Real Talk: Kevin Hart

If you've tried to distract yourself from the Boston-terrorism story with meaningless celeb news over the last 48, then you've probably been reading about either Aubrey Plaza or Kevin Hart. While I wait with bated breath to see if my baby Aubrey gives a firsthand account of her tale, here's your man Kev Hart giving the raw and uncut on his DUI arrest, courtesy of TMZ.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Monday Kickstart: Sign Language

I've been a UCLA fan for most of my life. That being said, I have to give it up to the University of Spoiled Children on this one.

From the Huffington Post:
Los Angeles residents driving near the University of Southern California Thursday may have been a bit confused by an electronic traffic sign they passed.

...It's doubtful that the LAPD appreciated the prank, but some USC students certainly did. They took to Twitter and Instagram to laugh with -- and even offer a drink to -- the hacker behind the message.

It gives me hope to see a member of the USC community do something as noble as fucking over the LAPD. It gives me inspiration, joy...of course, nowhere near the level of hope, inspiration, and joy that Misa Campo gives me:

Let's go.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Tail Report: Catalina Otalvaro

This gorgeous Colombian model is all that's right with the world. I'm almost convinced a simple wiggle of that booty could restore a blind man's sight. Te amo, senorita.

Throwback Thursday: "Juicy" -- The Notorious B.I.G.

Everyone knows this one. I remember being shocked at walking into dorms and frat parties at my damn-near-all-white college as a freshman and hearing this track bumping over the stereos. Crazy. R.I.P. Biggie.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Truth in Advertising

And in other news...fuck Comcast.

Monday Kickstart: Criminal Masterminds

There's a whole lot of stupid out there. And sometimes, it tries to steal your purse.

I didn't even know purse-snatching was still a thing. That's one of those phenomena you see on old TV shows and laugh at the rudimentary simplicity of it. And yet, as simple as the act would appear to be, you still have a guy dumb enough to screw it up. Who wants to bet that when police finally catch him, his head will be stuck in a banister?

Here to get you going this week is Playboy's Miss September 2012, Alana Campos:

Let's go.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Lyrical Exercise

This is brilliant.

From Gothamist:
Previously, street artist Jay Shells has taken on etiquette of all kinds, from human behavior to animal behavior to subway behavior. But now he's back with something totally different, albeit still in his signature sign form: Rap Quotes. The idea is simple, and the result is sort of amazing: he has taken rap lyrics that mention specific locations around New York City, created signs with those lyrics, and has installed them at their appropriate locations. Animal has video of the installation process of the signs, which feature lyrics from Kanye, Jay-Z, GZA, Mos Def, Nas, and more.

Speaking as someone who hasn't spent much of any time in New York, there have been many occasions when I've tried to visualize the settings of the stories my favorite lyricists were telling through my speakers. Shells' art project satisfies that craving in a beautiful way. I've included a few pictures here, and Gothamist has another four on their page. You can also go to The Rap Quotes Twitter feed for even more.

Now They've Seen Everything

"His nose is in her clye-toris."


My boy Justin with the assist.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Throwback Thursday: "Born to Roll" -- Masta Ace

By request of the homie Swag, the 1994 banger. This video, of course, is the "dirty" version. ...You're welcome.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Move, Bitch, Get Out the Way

It would be all too easy to make fun of this guy for abandoning his girl (like the announcer does), but let's weigh the counterpoint, here.

In 2013, women are supposed to be our equals, correct? If so, then why is that rule thrown out the window whenever convenient? If the guy had been sitting there with one of his guy friends, no one would be chastising him for letting his friend get hit. Then they'd just be asking why the guy who got hit was dumb enough to sit there and let it happen. So why aren't people asking that question when it's a woman? Are you suggesting that because she's a woman, she didn't know any better than to get out of the way of a baseball flying towards her?


The bottom line: the woman was stupid for thinking that putting her hand over her face was going to protect her from the impact, and her husband/boyfriend is a pussy for running, regardless of who was sitting next to him. You're a baseball fan, playboy—knock her over and catch the damn ball like a man!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Monday Kickstart: Gotta Habit

This is fascinating.

From Betabeat:
Porn search engine PornMD has done a great public service. Using data gleaned from its platform, which allows users to search sites like Pornhub, YouPorn and XTube for whatever pornographic topic their genitals desire, PornMD has created an interactive infographic that maps global sexual interest trends.

Click here for the Global Internet Porn Habits Infographic

Would you have guessed that the most frequent keyword used in porn searches in the deep south—Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and the like—would be "ebony"? I guess all that hatred is really just repressed desire.

Speaking of desire...Chelsie Farah.

...Yup. Let's go.