Monday, September 30, 2013

Monday Kickstart: No Holding Back

You have to have seen this video by now, but just in case you haven't:

This guy is everything. He's everything's everything. He's every every's thing. I've never been hungrier for popcorn than after watching that video about 20 times on repeat.

A true king among men like this deserves to be escorted in this week's kickstart by a true queen among beautiful women. I think Stephanie Rao should do:

And I dare anyone to disagree. Let's go.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Watch for the Hook

Typically, if we here at Crooked Straight display a video of mountain biking (or really, of any "extreme sport") it's either going to be a clip of something amazing and extraordinary, like an insane "urban downhill bike race" through the streets of Valparaiso, Chile; or of something amazingly stupid and extraordinarily filmed, like this:

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Kanye vs. Kimmel

Kanye is...kinda emotional right now. Earlier tonight, he decided to vent some steam in the direction of Jimmy Kimmel, Twitter-style.

And, of course, Kimmel waved it all off like a pro:

You might be wondering just what has Yeezy so worked up? Well...

...stay tuned.

Throwback Thursday: "Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka" -- The Fab 5 (Heltah Skeltah and O.G.C.)

If you aren't as old as me, this might just be one of the dopest songs you never heard of.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Grape Ape

(From BuzzFeed)

"We'll learn more about why baboons actually love grapes." Um, I'm no zoologist, Sabrina, but after seeing you in that purple top, I'm going to guess he loves your "grapes" for the same reasons I do.

TJ with the assist.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

Monday Kickstart: Drift Away

I'm still trying to decide if this erases stereotypes, or promotes them...

...Maybe both? One thing's for sure: Little man is going to be the Ken Block of his generation.

Moving onto what moves you: This week, your inspiration is natural beauty Audrey Aleen Allen, Playboy's Miss June 2013:

#BlondeAmbitionsOfARidah. Let's go.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Tail Report: Scarlet Bouvier

Typically when I put together one of these Tail Reports, I'll scrounge around the internet, gathering lots of hot PG-13 pictures of that post's subject. Then, once my apple basket is full, I search on the lass' name once again, this time adding the word "nude" afterwards. You know, just for kicks. Most of the time little to nothing comes back.

Whatever the opposite of that is, that's what happened when putting together this post. All I had to do was search on her name alone, and a page full of nakey awesomeness was suddenly in front of me. I could barely find any pictures that were discrete enough to use. Ms. Bouvier not only isn't shy about being naked, I'm nearly convinced she prefers it. And I see nothing wrong with that. Be natural, girl. Be free.

Throwback Thursday: "Fast Life" -- Kool G Rap ft. Nas

I can't even begin to understand how I've never posted this track before. Classic track that put Kool G on the map. And a special happy birthday to Mr. Jones, who celebrated his 40th on Sept. 14.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Hip to the Game

Mirror mirror, on the wall,
who is the dopest sportscaster of them all?

"Adam Lefkoe...bitch."

From Deadspin:
Remember Adam Lefkoe, the guy who ingeniously slipped a bunch of wrestling references into his sportscast earlier this month? He topped himself this past Sunday by squeezing 46(!) classic hip hop references into his five-minute segment. Be sure to stick around for the well-earned mic drop at the end.

The "22 2's" line was easily my favorite.

TJ with the assist.

Hot Wheels

Did you ever watch a race on TV and see a car's engine blow, and think to yourself, "Why don't you ever see that happen with a street car?" Well, add twin-turbochargers and 2005 bhp to a Lambo Gallardo, top it off at 250 mph, and you'll get your wish. Just make sure that after all of those modifications, you have some extra cash left with which to replace the engine and bodywork.

From AutoBlog:

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Monday, September 16, 2013

In Case You Were Wondering...

...yeah, Alicia's still doing it.

*throws shade at Swizz*

Video: The Agenda -- "So Official"

Here's a cool new track and video from Chitown emcees The Agenda. I've got to give them a lot of credit for a creative (and relatively inexpensive) video concept.

TJ with the assist.

Monday Kickstart: Steady Mobbin'

Flash mobs are a tricky art form. There's a right time and a wrong time to unleash them upon the unsuspecting public. Thankfully, the following animated short is here to demonstrate a few examples of the latter.

Something cool and refreshing to get you going this morning. Almost enough to make you forget that it is, in fact, Monday.

For further escapism, let your eyes spend some time on this week's inspiration, the lovely Rebecca Grant:

Let's go.

Friday, September 13, 2013

The Art of Storytelling

When the Oddball Comedy & Curiosity Festival rolled through Pittsburgh the Friday night of Labor Day Weekend, yours truly was on hand to watch Dave Chappelle quickly quell any negative public perception that had started to build after a tough set in Hartford the night before. But unfortunately for me, Dave didn't tell this story about Kanye while in Pittsburgh (or maybe he did...I think I was a few hours deep into beer and other adult refreshments before he got onstage).

By now everyone has heard Aziz Ansari's tale of hanging with Yeezy. It sounds as though every comedian who has had the honor of chilling with him has ended up with stand-up material.

From Complex:
On Kanye West's rise to stardom:

"The first time Kanye West was on television was on the Chappelle’s Show. It was the week that The Black Album came out. I’ll never forget. We were all sitting in the trailer listening to The Black Album, and Jay-Z says on the record, “Kanyeezy, you’s a genius. You did it again,”* and Kanye stopped the tape and pressed rewind.

He had that energy. You knew he was gonna be somebody. And then they did the show, him and Common did it. And you remember that song The Food? “You love to hear the story, again and again. About those two brothers from the City of Wind.”

The crowd, “EGHHHHHHHEEE.” Motherfuckers go nuts. I said, “Hey Kanye, look, we’re going back to the studio. We got to edit some sketches, but if you want, you can come with us and check out some of the stuff we’re working on.” He says, “Oh that’d be great!”

He comes to the studio we’re all sitting and there watching all these crazy sketches. Nobody had seen any of this shit before. It was Rick James, all that shit. All on there. It’s on footage, we was all cracking up and then in the middle of it all, Kanye’s phone rings. This is when I knew he was gonna be famous.

He answers the phone, he goes, “Hello. Huh? What? Uh uh, I can’t. I can’t. Cause, I’m at Dave Chappelle’s show watching sketches that nobody’s ever seen before.”

And then he says, “Cause my life is dope, and I do dope shit,” and then he hung up the phone."

*dead* It sounds like hanging out with 'Ye back when his fame was still on the rise was ridic.

The full audio is below.

It's the Weekend

Time to slide on outta here...

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Bitter Beat Face

This is like standing atop a hill and watching below as a bridge collapses a quarter mile ahead of a train that's speeding down the tracks. You know it's going to end in tragedy, but you can't look away.

And Norman Chad and Lon McEachern's commentary afterwards are just swift kicks to the gut of a guy who's already laying on the canvas.

Tuesday Kickstart: More than Meets the Eye

Yeah, I'm a not-so-low-key Transformers nerd, but this commercial has been cracking me up since last night.

I'm kind of surprised it took this long for them to play off the whole Megatron nickname.

So, you're probably wondering why this week's Kickstart is coming to you on a Tuesday, despite Monday not being a holiday (like, for instance, last week). Well, here's the thing: I kind of forgot to prepare a post on Sunday. I was barely-can-stay-awake, about-to-vomit-at-any-moment hungover after this year's 837 Bar Crawl on Saturday. Combine that with the first Sunday action of the NFL season, and, well, shit happens. Next week's Kickstart will return to Mondays, as per regularly-scheduled blogging. But, I want you to know that Shanina Shaik and I are very, very sorry...

Well, actually, there's nothing "sorry" about Shanina. Let's go.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Perv Lines

I think this just about says it all. Fuck Robin Thicke's overrated ass.

Throwback Thursday: "I Can't Wait" -- Sleepy Brown ft. Outkast

This is a cool little overlooked track from 2004. Sleepy Brown never really took off, but he knew his way around a soul beat. As you probably expect, though, Dre and Big Boi are the stars on this track, spitting the metaphor-laced, attention-grabbing flows (Andre 3000) and fluid-but-clever D-boy rhymes (Big Boi) that have made them hip-hop legends.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Apocalyptic Visions

This is brilliant, but oh such a dick move. I hope they at least gave these people some jobs or money afterwards.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tuesday Kickstart: Heavy Mileage

Today we bring you a tale of a sweet young woman from Poland, who's just looking to spread a little love around the world.

From The Huffington Post:
Ania Lisewska, 21, is allegedly attempting to travel to every city in the world so she can have sex with at least 100,000 men for 20 minutes each.

"I want men from Poland, Europe and all around the world. I love sex, fun and men," she said, according to the Austrian Times.

...The supposed sex marathon allegedly began last month in Warsaw, according to her Facebook page, and she hopes to have her way across Poland before moving to other countries.

But, as crazy as this story sounds, the most inexplicable part comes when you find out that Ania has a boyfriend—who ISN'T leaving her for bringing 99,999 other men into their lovelife.

So far, she's had sex with 284 men, according to and didn't let the fact she has a serious boyfriend stop her.

He told the Polish language website he was "not thrilled" with her unusual hobby, but had no choice and "had to come to terms" with it.

I got two words for you, buddy: Fuck. That. There's patience and open-mindedness. And then there's just plain ol' stupidity.

Moving on... This week's inspiration comes from one of the few women on this planet who might be able to talk me into being as "understanding" as Ania's boyfriend. One of my personal favorites, Miss Jessica Gomes:

Gorgeous. Let's go.