Ratchet Is As Ratchet Does

You're going to ask me what the value of this video is. I'm going to tell you that I honestly don't know. But there are good looking women in it, so...put it on mute if you wish.

Monday Kickstart: Booty Had 'Em

Since some of you us are going through a painful bout of withdrawal after three days of turkey, cranberry sauce, and lots of shots (*raises hand* guilty of all three!) on this first day of December, here's something to put a smile on your face (and maybe teach you something in the process)...



I haven't been to NYC in 25 years, and I was seriously concerned that I was going to make a guest appearance in that video. *double checks YouTube for versions filmed in Pittsburgh*

And for the final splash of cold water across your face, here's this week's inspiration, Ms. Lara Cole:

Guess now you need the cold water splashed elsewhere. You'll have to take care of that on your own, sinner.

Let's go.

Tail Report: Hiromi Oshima

I think I'ma need a drink...

Monday Kickstart: Wet Thoughts

Nick Offerman seems like a nice guy. Which makes it kind of awkward that I wish he actually was Ron Swanson.

From Mashable:

Nick Offerman, with all his grizzled wisdom and vocal gravitas, sat down to share the most profound things ever pondered in a shower.

The tidbits of brilliance originated on r/ShowerThoughts, a subreddit awash with soapsuds-covered cleverness.

If you enjoyed this video, please check out the r/ShowerThoughts Charity: water campaign and donate: https://my.charitywater.org/rshowerthoughts-charity-water-2014-1

Typically I end each week's kickstart with a beautiful woman, to help inspire you to live the ensuing week to its fullest. This week I'm not doing that. Instead, I'm giving you five beautiful women, to help inspire you to give to a good cause.

From Playboy:

Always down for helping out with a charitable cause, Playmates Amelia Talon, Val Keil, Dani Mathers, Kimberly Phillips and Anna Sophia Berglund accepted Cooper’s #IceBucketChallenge and did their part to raise awareness and money to fight ALS. The Playmates have challenged their social media followers--numbering about one million in all--to pour ice water on themselves for a good cause.

And for every Playmate who takes the Ice Bucket Challenge, records it and posts it, Playboy will donate $100 to the ALS Association.

Monday Kickstart: Too Much to Handle

I love me some Ri-Ri, and I love me some Brooklyn Decker. But I don't love me some Brooklyn Decker as much as Ri-Ri loves her some Brooklyn Decker.

Sometimes it feels like I'm controlling Rihanna with my mind. *pauses...thinking, "Ri...show up at my door tonight wearing that dress from the CFDA Awards..."*

*cough* Anyways...let's move onto this week's inspiration. It comes in the form of Playboy's Miss March 2013, the beautiful Ashley Doris:

Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Love to Hate

So, there's a new Mortal Kombat coming out in 2015: Mortal Kombat X. And the trailer features one Mr. Wiz Khalifa. I'm no Nostradamus, but something tells me this will be a big hit with the kiddies.



I can't wait for the first act of mass violence to get blamed on this game. Will it make sense? No, of course not—it never does. But will it happen? Faster than you can say "Consumer Watchdog Groups." (If you've never heard of that term before, it's another name for people who attempt to parent their kids through a "blame everyone but me" method. Another such term is "conservatives"...)

*ahem* Moving on... If you're one of those Fox News parents out there, the stunningly gorgeous Playboy Cyber Girl of the Year, Ms. Elizabeth Marxs has a message for you:

So do I, Elizabeth. So do I. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Seeing's Believing

From Pepsi Max UK's YouTube page:

Pepsi Max surprise commuters with an 'unbelievable' augmented reality experience at a bus shelter on New Oxford Street in London.

Watch their reactions as unbelievable scenarios unfold before their very eyes; from a giant robot crashing through the street to a passer by being abducted by flying saucers.

I'm not really sure what Pepsi is selling here, other than the fact that CGI-heavy action flicks are cool, Pepsi sponsors all of the CGI-heavy action flicks, and we all wanna be CGI-heavy action flick heroes, and CGI-heavy action flick heroes drink PEPSI SO LET'S ALL GO BUY PEPSI RIGHT NOW...

...wha, where... I-I just blacked out for a second there. What's going on? ...Anyone else thirsty for Pepsi?

Onto more blatant advertisements; I give you Playboy's new girl on the block, Miss March 2014, Britt Linn:

Nope, no bias here, folks. Nothing to see here. ...Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Drift Away

I'm still trying to decide if this erases stereotypes, or promotes them...



...Maybe both? One thing's for sure: Little man is going to be the Ken Block of his generation.

Moving onto what moves you: This week, your inspiration is natural beauty Audrey Aleen Allen, Playboy's Miss June 2013:

#BlondeAmbitionsOfARidah. Let's go.

Tail Report: Amina Malakona

Step aside everyone, my new wifey is coming through.



That sexy accent? That's Hungarian, son. Yeah, you read that right: HUNGARIAN. THEY MAKE GORGEOUS BLACK WOMEN IN HUNGARY.

Who knew, right?

[CORRECTION: This post previously stated that Miss Malakona was from Romania, not Hungary. I apologize for the error, ma. What can I say? I drink a lot. #love]

Tail Report: Chelsie Aryn

Playboy's Miss Social March 2011 has an innocent face and an anything-but-innocent body.

This girl is on fire. Sometimes, when putting together a Tail Report, I struggle to find a good selection of pictures. With Chelsie Aryn, I had to cut myself off before I ended up with triple digits. Lawdomercy...

Tail Report: 2013 Playmate of the Year

Your 2013 Playboy PMOY: The gorgeous Raquel Pomplun. I'm feeling a little bit of personal victory on this, since Miss Pomplun was my favorite of the 2012 Playmates. The girl is beautiful from head-to-toe, and now gets to call herself the hottest thing between a Playboy's covers.

(Yes, I'll let her steal that line. Congrats Raquel!)

F.O.H.: Nana Gouvêa

If you know me, you know I've got nothing but love for beautiful women, Brazil, and Playboy bunnies. So, as you might guess, a beautiful Brazilian woman who's posed for Playboy would have to do something pretty fucked up to earn a "Fuck Outta Here" post.

From Yahoo! News:

Here's one way to get noticed: After Hurricane Sandy left New York City in utter chaos, a former Brazilian Playboy model used the devastation as a backdrop for a series of glamour shots, enraging many people in the process.

In a long-sleeved black top, leggings, and black ankle boots, Nana Gouvêa can be seen striking a dramatic wide-legged pose -- think Angelina Jolie at the Oscars -- in front of a gigantic toppled tree and a stranded moving truck. In another image, Gouvêa uses broken branches to balance herself on the hood of a smashed silver BMW.

Really?

Gouvêa's excuse (for, you know, posing for glamour shots in the same disaster zone where people are injured and suffering)? She and her husband, the photographer, had been in their apartment with no power, and had become bored.

Hey, Nana: Next time, maybe you and your hubby should try lending a helping hand to those human props in the background of your impromptu photoshoot, who are struggling to repair their damaged lives?

Fuck outta here...

Monday Kickstart: Head for the Hills

Weather forecasters these days are almost as interested in hysteria as political strategists, so it's tough to believe all of these "perfect storm" stories that have been thrown at us over the past 72 hours. That being said, I'm hoping it's all just hype. New York City was partially evacuated, after all (the picture above is the last train out of Grand Central). I have peoples throughout the Eastern seaboard, and I hope they make it through unscathed.

And since we're all in need of warm, distracting thoughts this week, there's no better motivation than Roxanne Dawn:

Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Off to an Honest Start

#RealTalk

Spotted at Sex, Cigars & Booze


Upstairs by shawnwines

The final line kills me.

And now, for this week's eye-opener. Since my birthday is this week (or maybe just because I can), I'm giving you a double shot. Here are my two favorite submissions from last week's Frisky Friday fun on Twitter: I give you Ms. Alexa De Lugo...

...and Ms. Deserae Trujillo.

*shivers* You're doing it right, ladies. Let's get it.