Thursday, October 30, 2014

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Yes, All Quarterbacks

Sure, having a PR job for an NFL team might sound like a fun job. But when you're faced with the brutal reality of those big, looming athletes being helplessly surrounded by merciless savages wearing press badges, you see things in a whole new light.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Monday Kickstart: #DeadGirlProblems

As much as people try to fill every inch of October with Halloween propaganda these days, there's really only about a week's worth of entertainment to come from it all. So to kick off that week, and kickstart the workweek, here's some people in Philly getting the shit scared out of them. You know, because Halloween. (...I think.)

So much to love in this video. The girl who had to be restrained by her boyfriend. The cat. The multiple guys who screamed and ran like little girls. Nothing gets the ol' heart pumping like a creepy girl popping out from the shadows.

Well, I mean, almost nothing does. She may not be creepy, but this week's inspiration, Ms. Rachel Mullins, can certainly cause your blood pressure to spike, even on a brightly-lit beach:

Let's go.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "Doe or Die" -- AZ

"I gotta look like Tevin Campbell, but still I gamble/
Hustle and scramble, 'cause money is muscles in this damn zoo..."

AZ's still one of the best that ever did it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

No Facts League

The more they try, the more the NFL just can't get anything right.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Monday Kickstart: Cocked and Ready for Danger

Navigating public transportation can be hard. Complete strangers crammed together, competing over stiff seats. And you always seem to end up stuck next to some prick.

...Psshh, what a dick.

This week's motivation comes all the way from Europe, in the form of gorgeous Dutch model Nancy Lynn De Ronde:

Let's go.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "Testify" -- Common

I'm usually not a fan of videos that are turned into huge productions, but in this case it perfectly matches the cinematic rhyme that Common spits over one of Kanye's finer beats. And any extra chance to see Taraji's fine self, I'm all for it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

A Beautiful Symphony

Because, who among us couldn't stand to be a little more cultured?

Tuesday Kickstart: Those Who Can't, Twerk

I should probably start this post by warning you not to go any further if you've been feeling a tad suicidal lately.

From Playboy:
Teaching is a noble profession. Without teachers, how would people learn the necessary skills to get through life? Likewise, twerking also provides a valuable service to the community. How else would young men satisfy their badonkadonk cravings?

Jessica Vanessa decided we had too many of the former and not enough of the latter so the Florida schoolteacher left her job to twerk professionally. That might sound stupid, but it's not. Advertisers pay her six figures to create bootylicious videos for her more the 2 million Vine followers. And if the twerking trend eventually dies down, she can go back to teaching where young men will continue admiring her rear end while she's writing on chalkboards.

This is all so confusing to me. Every fiber of my admittedly-cynical being wants to clown the hell out of this woman for being a "professional twerker," but...she's making more than twice my yearly salary by doing it. Really, it's not even right for me to post this as a Kickstart. Who feels any kind of motivation to attack the workweek now that they know shaking their ass on the internet pays better? A lot better. *sigh*

Hell, now I'm not even sure that a certified stunner like Yesenia Bustillo could help cheer me up:

...okay, she can. She definitely can. Let's go.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "2nd Round KO" — Canibus

This song blew up overnight. Most people (beyond the underground scene) had barely ever heard of Canibus when he appeared on LL's "4, 3, 2, 1" (where the virtual-unknown stole the show). Then a few weeks after that track hit the airwaves, "2nd Round KO" came out of nowhere like an assassin in the night to wipe Cool James's days as a feared emcee off the planet. From the the coup of getting Iron Mike Tyson to cameo, to the line-for-line lethal lyrics—many of which call out LL on everything people were afraid (at the time) to say about him in public, this track was like a audio guerrilla warfare, polarizing and downright brutal. LL tried to respond with "The Ripper Strikes Back," a god awful attempt at flexing lyrical muscle he just didn't have at that point in his career.

At the time of this song's release, I actually had some people tell me—speaking from some kind of ridiculous slave mentality—that Canibus, no matter how badly LL had wronged him, was wrong for challenging LL, simply because he was a hall of fame emcee. Fuck. That. LL deserved everything he got. Like Chris Rock said, "ain't no one above an ass-whoopin'."

Monday, October 6, 2014

Going Out on Top

Sometimes SNL has no chill.

Monday Kickstart: Can't Even

Being that it's Monday morning, I'm guessing most of us can sympathize with this cat named Simon, who is coming up short on fucks to give.

From Tastefully Offensive:
Morgan James took his cats, Simon and Wash, to his local park for some outside adventure, but Simon wasn't having any of it.

Ironic that it's the active cat that's named "Wash." And why, exactly, is this guy trying to walk cats? I love cats, I grew up with cats in my household, and I never once thought trying to take them for a walk would be anything short of insane. Looks like Simon agrees with me.

But, like with Simon and his owner, this workweek is going to insist upon dragging us with it, no matter how much we resist. Maybe Ms. Daniella Dior can help put us in a more businesslike state of mind:

Let's go.

Friday, October 3, 2014

On the Spot

This kid's flow is ridiculous. And you've gotta love his mom and dad not only being at the studio, but being involved in the video. There's a lot of promise here.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "Oochie Coochie" -- MC Brains ft. Tam Rock

This is officially an IDGAF post. This track was just fun when it was released, and easily captured my 13-year-old attention. Therefore it forever holds a spot in my heart. Yeah, it's obnoxious. And the lyricism sucks. And it's slightly demeaning to women. But let's see how you young bucks feel about "Anaconda" 22 years from now.