Duck!

It's amazing how many plot twists you can pack into six seconds.

Monday Kickstart: Back to School

Back when I was in college, the most mature insult I—and the others in whatever circle of friends or like-minded fellow 20-somethings happened to be gathered—could throw at a collection of individuals is to say it was "like a high school." Our small liberal arts college's proclivity for gossip? So high school. The way people bickered over petty bullshit in my family? What were they, freshmen in high school?

And the internet? With its rumors, unsolicited opinions, and unsubstantiated accusations? The internet acts just like a big high school.



You have to watch that about 10 times to pick up on all of the websites and references they throw into it. Well done, Cracked. Though, unless I overlooked it, I notice that they didn't put themselves into it, which feels a little catty. A little immature. A little...high school.

This week we turn to Ms. Ruby Palm for inspiration, for two reasons: (1.) she's a proud L.A. gal; (2.) she's got more curves than Highway 1:

Let's go.

All Love At the Top

You could say I forgot to post this two weeks ago when I first happened upon it. But I'd counter that time actually stopped at that moment, and has only just now restarted.

Iconic. RT @ernestbaker: paul really did prayer hands then gave ye the "my nigga it's been a minute" dap https://t.co/5xCPpA2gsT

— Creamy Dark (@CS_Defi) March 10, 2015

Tuesday Kickstart: Those Who Can't, Twerk

I should probably start this post by warning you not to go any further if you've been feeling a tad suicidal lately.

From Playboy:

Teaching is a noble profession. Without teachers, how would people learn the necessary skills to get through life? Likewise, twerking also provides a valuable service to the community. How else would young men satisfy their badonkadonk cravings?

Jessica Vanessa decided we had too many of the former and not enough of the latter so the Florida schoolteacher left her job to twerk professionally. That might sound stupid, but it's not. Advertisers pay her six figures to create bootylicious videos for her more the 2 million Vine followers. And if the twerking trend eventually dies down, she can go back to teaching where young men will continue admiring her rear end while she's writing on chalkboards.

This is all so confusing to me. Every fiber of my admittedly-cynical being wants to clown the hell out of this woman for being a "professional twerker," but...she's making more than twice my yearly salary by doing it. Really, it's not even right for me to post this as a Kickstart. Who feels any kind of motivation to attack the workweek now that they know shaking their ass on the internet pays better? A lot better. *sigh*

Hell, now I'm not even sure that a certified stunner like Yesenia Bustillo could help cheer me up:

...okay, she can. She definitely can. Let's go.

Subtweet Subtext

Where's the lie?

Bottomless Love

Seriously, Ali's my kind of people. I don't even mean it in a sexual way when I say I want to have a No Pants party with her. Real talk.

Posterizing Mom

Lin was made to be a Laker.

ICYMI: Jeremy Lin has raised the stakes on the Dunk Cam: Dunking on his mother. https://t.co/N2zdqe15We

— ESPN (@espn) August 7, 2014

You Gon' Learn

Real talk, my mom was white, but really she was a black mom. Or maybe she just learned it from marrying a black man. Either way, she's the latter of these two moms. (And I'm all the better for it.)

Outchea

*drops his shades on y'all*

The World Is His

"If you had, one shot..."

Chocolate Deluxe

Swear to god, when she get low, the world stops.

Summer Magic

Really, when someone first told me there was a great video of someone grabbing a kid at a pool, I was like...

F.O.H.: Google

A few months ago, the sharing rights got screwed up on all of CS's photos (you can still see the wreckage in most of the pre-2014 posts in the archives). I tried time after time to contact Google for assistance with the issue, but never got so much as feigned interest in return. I found it strange that a company known for their "Don't be evil" slogan didn't seem the slightest bit interested in helping a customer in distress. Now, though...it's all starting to make sense.

Monday Kickstart: Charge It to the Game

It's good to see LeBron is having a positive influence on today's youth. (My boy Pro with the assist.)

Post by Best Of Vines.

This week's inspiration comes from Danielle Lo:

I'd follow her anywhere. Let's go.

...or Nah?

Yuuppppp...

Deflation

Sometimes the juice just ain't worth the squeeze.



The homie Profound with the assist.

The World is Vine

*dead*

*never coming back*

*I'm serious nucca it's over*

*goodbye*


(...and to TJ, before you even say it, YES the girlfriend/Facebook one looks familiar. Fuck you. lol.)