Oh Mia

Best way to get heard? Name a song after the hottest chick in porn, and then sit back as she YouTubes herself twerking to it. Mia doesn't have much booty, but she knows how to shake what she's got.

Tuesday Kickstart: Those Who Can't, Twerk

I should probably start this post by warning you not to go any further if you've been feeling a tad suicidal lately.

From Playboy:

Teaching is a noble profession. Without teachers, how would people learn the necessary skills to get through life? Likewise, twerking also provides a valuable service to the community. How else would young men satisfy their badonkadonk cravings?

Jessica Vanessa decided we had too many of the former and not enough of the latter so the Florida schoolteacher left her job to twerk professionally. That might sound stupid, but it's not. Advertisers pay her six figures to create bootylicious videos for her more the 2 million Vine followers. And if the twerking trend eventually dies down, she can go back to teaching where young men will continue admiring her rear end while she's writing on chalkboards.

This is all so confusing to me. Every fiber of my admittedly-cynical being wants to clown the hell out of this woman for being a "professional twerker," but...she's making more than twice my yearly salary by doing it. Really, it's not even right for me to post this as a Kickstart. Who feels any kind of motivation to attack the workweek now that they know shaking their ass on the internet pays better? A lot better. *sigh*

Hell, now I'm not even sure that a certified stunner like Yesenia Bustillo could help cheer me up:

...okay, she can. She definitely can. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Drop It Like a Symphony

If there's one thing I love, it's a woman with class and sophistication.

From Cosmopolitan (TJ with the assist):

A video of Chicago-based burlesque performer Michelle L’Amour is having a well-deserved viral moment right now — because she’s twerking the shit out of some classical music. And it’s genius.

...She can have all my cash. And the credit cards. Fuck it babe, take my wallet.

In fact, Michelle, take the inspiration section of this week's Kickstart, too:

Let's go.

Twerks, Lies, and Videotape

I feel so used, Jimmy Kimmel. So hurt, and so used.

It's the Weekend

Time to put on a show...



My friend Bobbo with the assist.

Sneak Attwerk

Dear Miley,

If you're gonna twerkbomb, THIS is how you twerkbomb.



FYI, I can't stop watching this. Damn, guhl...

Learning Curve

Twerking has finally crossed the pond. So FHM, with the help of expert twerker Caitlin Wynters, has given Brits a crash course on the art form.

The World is Vine

*dead*

*never coming back*

*I'm serious nucca it's over*

*goodbye*


(...and to TJ, before you even say it, YES the girlfriend/Facebook one looks familiar. Fuck you. lol.)

Monday Kickstart: A Vicious Twerkle

Starts off a little slow, but this video is ridic. "You're twerking this family apart!"


I'm wondering if Miley Cyrus needs an intervention, too? Maybe with some baby oil, wine, and soft music...

But I digress. I don't know if they have twerking in The Netherlands, but if Clarencia is a twerkaholic...

...well then I see no problem with it. At. All. Let's go.