Monday, June 30, 2014

Erykah Just Wanna Luh Ya

Erykah don't give noooooo fucks.

NEW YORK (PIX11) -- When PIX11′s Mario Diaz was wrapping up his report on the arrest of a celebrity behaving badly, another celebrity followed suit during his live shot.

Diaz was finishing up his live shot during the 5 p.m. news on the arrest of Shia LeBeouf when a woman in a large hat appeared behind him.

Trailer: Life After Beth

My schoolboy crush on Aubrey Plaza only grows stronger...

Monday Kickstart: Hit and Run

I mean, if you're going to fight sneakily, instead of standing toe-to-toe...this has got to be the realest way you can do it.

Some may call this video a bad example. But those are the delusional people. Realists, such as myself, understand that conflict is part of life. And physical resolution of that conflict is going to happen often, especially for kids too young to know how to handle it through cooler heads. Sadly, these days we're just as likely to see kids—even two this young—solve those physical conflicts with weapons instead of their fists. I look at this video with the thought that, maybe, someday those inevitable physical altercations will just be handled with fists and fancy bike skills, and kids will leave the guns alone. But then again, I'm a realist...

A bit of comedy, followed by a bit of social commentary. Let's finish this week's kickstart by putting a smile back on your face. Here to do that is Ms. Phoenix Skye:

Let's go.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Tail Report: Chrissy Teigen

If watching this video makes you suddenly feel hatred towards John Legend, don't worry, it's only natural.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "Hot Boyz (Remix)" -- Missy Elliott ft. Nas, Eve, & Lil' Mo

This track would've been so much hotter without Missy involved. By '99 she'd moved past her 15 minutes of fame, and all of the younger acts like Lil' Mo were poised to take over. Hindsight being 20/20, that probably should've happened in '98.

This is still one of the must underrated beats of all time. So simple, but so crucial. I'm guessing it just didn't get as much love as it should've because...well, it had Missy Elliott rapping on it.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014


*drops his shades on y'all*

Spreading the Good Word

I've always wanted to visit Japan. It's such a beautiful and strange land. I mean, really, really strange. Like, fucking weird.

Not the least of which is because, in Japan, "fuck" is weird. Here in the US, we use it as such a daily crutch of expression, that we forget just how different it may sound to other cultures for whom English isn't their first language. Thankfully, there's a book that can help them with this issue.

You might be aware that there is currently a book on sale that will teach Japanese folks how to use the word f*ck properly. It is comprehensive and hilarious and comes complete with audio CD with lessons on using others words like sh*t, damn, and hell. The last two probably used as filler because they’re not f*cking swear words anymore.

Anyway, the wonderful gent who runs Abroad In Japan bought a few copies of the book and put it to the test with some natives in Japan and the above video is the result. It seems like a lot of fun.

Monday, June 23, 2014

In Case You Were Wondering...

...yeah, I still love Aubrey. All day.

Can't Handle

This isn't The Hero. Nope. Not at all. *looking around*

*backs away slowly*

TJ with the find (blame him, Kev) on Deadspin.

Trailer: Dear White People

I will be purchasing this on DVD when it's released. ...On bootleg. ...At the barbershop.

Rumors that I helped write it, though are (unfortunately) inaccurate.

TJ with the find.

Monday Kickstart: Cheeky Appreciation

To paraphrase Eddie Murphy in A Vampire in Brooklyn, ass is good. It's a universal truth. I'll now let the folks at Domics get to the bottom of this topic.

Of course, we here at Crooked Straight have a long history of fine appreciation for the booty, and its contributions to society. In fact, this is the third post in the last two weeks to pay homage. What can I say? Ass is good.

And, given that start to the post, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that this week's inspiration is a woman who is a walking, breathing tribute to the booty, Ms. Natalia Velez:

Let's go.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Monday, June 16, 2014

Lunch is Served

Call it what you want, but I pretty much would've demanded Lunchables in my lunch bag if they'd run an ad like this.

My boy Gsus with the find.

Monday Kickstart: He Bron

The bigger the target, the more laser-guided bombs that obliterate it. I submit this small collection of LeBron clownings that dominated social media last night.

Well that was fun, wasn't it? Hopefully we'll get to see many more of those for years to come. It'd be nice if we didn't have to wait until the end of the postseason, though. Maybe we'll get to see them in April next year instead.

Thankfully, we don't have to wait that long to see this week's inspiration, Ms. Iana Little (who's all set for tonight's World Cup match vs. Ghana):

No one should ever be deprived of her. Let's go.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Dave & Hip Hop

More from Mr. Chappelle, who made the talk show rounds this week to promote his upcoming series of shows at NYC's Radio City Music Hall. Here he talks about meeting The Roots and Kanye, and retells the 'Ye story that I first posted last summer (that video has since been removed from YouTube, though, which makes it convenient to now have this one).

Friday, June 13, 2014

Beats by Bae

I might be in love. I may also have kicked one or two of my old rhymes over this beat.

It's the Weekend

Time to coordinate your attack...

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Cup of Royalty

Well, thanks to Sarah Stone, I might actually have to finally listen to the original. Or maybe I'll just stick to listening to this. Honestly, I find it hard to believe the original is any better.

My boy User with the find.

Trailer: The Equalizer

Just a reminder: Denzel turns 60 this December. 60 bruh...

Oh, and not to dwell too much on age, but how old is Chloƫ Grace Moretz now? (...asking for a friend)

Chappelle Reflects

Dave Chappelle stopped by Letterman last night to promote his upcoming concert(s) at Radio City Music Hall. The interview starts off with pretty standard stuff, but then Dave L. starts asking questions everyone really wants the answers to around the 6:20 mark. It's interesting to hear Chappelle's take on things, now several years removed from the whole episode, but we still don't get any definitive answers from him as to what exactly spurred his decision to quit, and how it all went down.

...and, is it just me, or is Dave starting to look like K-Ci and JoJo's long lost brother?

Throwback Thursday: "Natural Born Killaz" -- Dr. Dre & Ice Cube

Yup, 20 years ago the latest Apple multi-millionaire and the guy from the Coors Light ads released one of the most maniacal, murder and mayhem-laced songs ever...pretty much just because they could. Points to them for getting John Amos to play a leading role in the cinematic video. And keep your eyes peeled for a cameo by Tupac, years before he signed to Death Row Records.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

F.O.H.: Google

A few months ago, the sharing rights got screwed up on all of CS's photos (you can still see the wreckage in most of the pre-2014 posts in the archives). I tried time after time to contact Google for assistance with the issue, but never got so much as feigned interest in return. I found it strange that a company known for their "Don't be evil" slogan didn't seem the slightest bit interested in helping a customer in distress. Now,'s all starting to make sense.


Seriously, fuck Daniel Snyder.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Monday Kickstart: Back in Action

From Tastefully Offensive:
As part of their "Sonic Evolution" project, the Seattle Symphony invited Rapper Sir Mix-A-Lot to perform his 1992 hit song 'Baby Got Back' at the Benaroya Hall in Seattle, Washington.

Seattle women give zero fucks. And I love them for it. I thought two, maybe three women would come up to the stage. Instead he got so many that it looked like the stage might collapse. If that doesn't put a smile on your face this morning, nothing will.

...Though this week's inspiration is surely up to the challenge. She's Ms. Stefanie Knight, and she's the kind of gal Mix-A-Lot can certainly appreciate:

Let's go.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Just Because...

Because it's Thursday.
Because I love Hiromi.
And this YouTube vid was published on my birthday last year, so...because fate.

"Like a GLOVE!"

Parallel parking: achievement unlocked.

Throwback Thursday: "Make it Hot" -- Nicole Wray ft. Missy Elliott

One of my favorite little one-hit-wonder-dance jawns from back in the day. Still remember some homies and I kicking it in the backyard one summer night goofing off, creating rhymes and dances to this beat.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Monday Kickstart: Love to Hate

So, there's a new Mortal Kombat coming out in 2015: Mortal Kombat X. And the trailer features one Mr. Wiz Khalifa. I'm no Nostradamus, but something tells me this will be a big hit with the kiddies.

I can't wait for the first act of mass violence to get blamed on this game. Will it make sense? No, of course not—it never does. But will it happen? Faster than you can say "Consumer Watchdog Groups." (If you've never heard of that term before, it's another name for people who attempt to parent their kids through a "blame everyone but me" method. Another such term is "conservatives"...)

*ahem* Moving on... If you're one of those Fox News parents out there, the stunningly gorgeous Playboy Cyber Girl of the Year, Ms. Elizabeth Marxs has a message for you:

So do I, Elizabeth. So do I. Let's go.