Nope

Nope. No. No. NOPE.

From Mashable:

A 24-year-old woman was hospitalized with a broken leg after a cable on the amusement park ride at Luna Park in Cap d'Agde, France, known as a slingshot or a reverse bungee, snapped. The vessel smashed into one of its support poles, French news outlet Herault 24 reports. Another rider walked away without injury.

The incident, which occurred Aug. 4, was captured on video and uploaded to YouTube on Friday. In the clip, the ride propels a spherical cage into the air and as it falls back towards the earth, one of its elastic cables snaps. The cage is then sent flying into one of its support poles before coming to rest in the air. The couple was stuck in the air for approximately one hour before being rescued.

Monday Kickstart: Bye Felicia

Everyone who ever put their heart and soul into hip-hop, only to watch Oprah's shady comments over the years insult everything they stand for, is mentally hugging Common for this moment at last night's Academy Awards.

COMMON IS MY NEW FAVORITE RAPPER COMMON IS THE REALEST FOH OPRAH https://t.co/ENAMYaJqav
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) February 23, 2015

And speaking of sending out mental hugs, this week's inspiration is Swedish beauty Ms. Kenza Zouiten:

☀️

A photo posted by Kenza Zouiten (@kenzas) on Feb 3, 2015 at 10:20am PST

Let's go.

F.O.H.: Google

A few months ago, the sharing rights got screwed up on all of CS's photos (you can still see the wreckage in most of the pre-2014 posts in the archives). I tried time after time to contact Google for assistance with the issue, but never got so much as feigned interest in return. I found it strange that a company known for their "Don't be evil" slogan didn't seem the slightest bit interested in helping a customer in distress. Now, though...it's all starting to make sense.

Monday Kickstart: Flirting with Stupidity (F.O.H.)

This .gif has made the rounds on the internet the last couple of weeks, but deserves further viewings. When Jennifer Lawrence, in all of her youthful, god-given beauty is on your magazine's cover, isn't that enough? Or, as Buzzfeed puts it, "If we’re digitally editing perfection, what hope is there for the rest of us?!"

This is ridiculous. Lawrence's looks are already considered an ideal that 99% of women in the world could only dream of matching. And it's all the more maddening for them that she is 100% natural. So why did Flirt find it necessary to photoshop her appearance? If you don't think a 23-year-old actress considered almost universally to be the hottest thing in Hollywood looks good enough for your magazine cover, maybe you should just stick to Japanese anime.

From the bottom of our hearts, Flirt:

Fuck outta here. I mean. seriously, how is this not inspiration enough for your readers?

Let's go.

F.O.H.: ESPN

They say ESPN manufactures headlines. They say ESPN is to reporting what Elvis was to soul music. Well..."they" may be onto something.

Yes, folks, that's an "industry leader" in journalism having a Buck Rogers makeover approved by a blogger.

#FuckOuttaHereESPN (and while we're at it, #FuckOuttaHereYahoo for reporting this garbage.)

F.O.H.: Mehow and the Babe

Is there a single part of this video that makes sense? This douchebag is a player? (Ok, a douchebag getting hot chicks does make sense in a it-happens-all-the-time-for-some-ungodly-reason kind of way. But that's typically handsome douchebags. This guy looks like a blonde burrito in hipster frames.) And this gorgeous chick is having a hard time getting guys? This douchebag calls himself "Mehow"?

Fuck outta here with this nonsense.

F.O.H.: Mama Garber

My boy Tennessee with the assist on this one.

From Gawker:

"My mom dancing down the isle (sic) doin what she wants having fun and being her," is how Kendra Garber of Pekin, Illinois, described this YouTube video, which was shot on her mother's wedding day.

Garber somehow managed to leave out the part where the song her mom's dancing to is her own cover of a Buckcherry song inspired by Paris Hilton's sex tape.

Which is just as well, since no mere words could ever do this footage justice.

Do yourself a favor and read the Gawker story, which includes a rebuttle in the YouTube comments section by this classy gal. Favorite part? When she brags about being a 43-year-old grandmother.

I was laughing my ass off at all of this until I caught a sudden vision of my future. Then I just put my head down and sobbed. #Murica

F.O.H.: Melissa Lawrence

You know, I don't know where this negative stereotype of our people being angry, violent, owning pitbulls, etc. comes from...

Hmm? Have I seen what?



...oh FUCK you.

F.O.H.: Nana Gouvêa

If you know me, you know I've got nothing but love for beautiful women, Brazil, and Playboy bunnies. So, as you might guess, a beautiful Brazilian woman who's posed for Playboy would have to do something pretty fucked up to earn a "Fuck Outta Here" post.

From Yahoo! News:

Here's one way to get noticed: After Hurricane Sandy left New York City in utter chaos, a former Brazilian Playboy model used the devastation as a backdrop for a series of glamour shots, enraging many people in the process.

In a long-sleeved black top, leggings, and black ankle boots, Nana Gouvêa can be seen striking a dramatic wide-legged pose -- think Angelina Jolie at the Oscars -- in front of a gigantic toppled tree and a stranded moving truck. In another image, Gouvêa uses broken branches to balance herself on the hood of a smashed silver BMW.

Really?

Gouvêa's excuse (for, you know, posing for glamour shots in the same disaster zone where people are injured and suffering)? She and her husband, the photographer, had been in their apartment with no power, and had become bored.

Hey, Nana: Next time, maybe you and your hubby should try lending a helping hand to those human props in the background of your impromptu photoshoot, who are struggling to repair their damaged lives?

Fuck outta here...

F.O.H.: Bic for Her

Because, you know, girls can't write with those testosterone-laden blue and black pens. They're much too heavy for a girl's frail little fingers, and would make unsightly clumps of hair grow all over her body.



F.O.H., Bic.

F.O.H.: Jerry Jones

I can't wait to ask my boy Esq, an avid Cowboys fan, to explain this one.


A small part of me wants to give Jones credit for a somewhat respectable flow. But the majority of me has beaten, tied up, and shot that small part. F.O.H., Jerry.

F.O.H.: Parenting--You're Doing It Wrong

When your 14-year-old son steals an SUV, leads police on a chase, and then wrecks the vehicle into other motorists on the highway, your credentials as a parent are, understandably, on thin ice.

From the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

A 14-year-old boy was listed in critical condition after a police chase and crash on the inbound Parkway East on Sunday evening.

The boy was driving a stolen 2001 Jeep Cherokee erratically and Penn Hills police attempted to stop the vehicle on Rodi Road. It entered the parkway and crashed at about 6:15 p.m., rolling over at the Churchill interchange. The inbound side of the highway was closed for about five hours.

But hey, kids are still kids, and not every crime is evidence of poor parenting. How you, as a mother or father, react to your child's mistake goes miles towards explaining just what kind of future he will have...

In an interview with WPXI-TV this morning, the boy's mother faulted the car owner for leaving the keys in the vehicle and took police to task for chasing the car, saying it was possible he was just joyriding.

...Well, looks like he's going to be a horrible, horrible person. Just like his mother.

This is why they need to start requiring people to earn a special license before they're allowed to raise kids. Do you really have the audacity to claim your son was not fully to blame for stealing a vehicle? Newsflash, princess: When you blame the victim of your kid's crime, you're showing the world the very reason that your child is committing crime in the first place. What kind of an example is this for a 14-year-old? If I had so much as touched a parked car without explicit permission when I was that age, my mom (who raised me as a single mother for the majority of my life) would've kicked my ass for a solid half hour, and then hit me with the, "Just WAIT 'til I tell your father about this!" (As if she hadn't just put me in traction herself...)

Fuck outta here...

F.O.H.: Kardashian Hypnotize

I already strongly-disliked this song (I have since the day it was first released). Now I'm going to be violently ill every time I hear it. I don't think I want to live on this planet anymore.

F.O.H.: Wedding UGGs

From The Huffington Post:

And now UGG, that Australian purveyor of sheepskin boots, is capitalizing on the offbeat bridal footwear trend. They've released a line of bridal UGGs designed to look appropriately festive for you to say your "I do"'s in.

No. No. NO. And don't tell me it's because you want to be comfortable. I'd rather my bride be barefoot at the altar than wearing UGGs.

F.O.H.: Ultimate Tazer Ball

TJ with the assist.

F.O.H.: Fur & Feather "Bikini" Glamour

As spotted on Buzzfeed:

F.O.H.: iPad Case by Fleshlight

From Gizmodo:

The iPad's a darn attractive gadget, but that 30-pin connector ain't made for love. That's why this Fleshlight-holding iPad case concept caught our eye. Imagine all the things you could pretend to have sex with! And it turns out, it's not just some crazy, er, pipe dream. It, or something like it, is coming soon.

F.O.H.: Parenting