Grand Theft Auto V Crash

Here's one for all of you GTA fans. This is insane. Somewhere out there, Michael Bay is closing his eyes and sliding his hand down his pants.

From Playboy:

After a tiny motorcycle crash, the other drivers just keep plowing forward and swerving through pedestrians and wrecked cars until it’s turned into complete mayhem.

Runaway Bus

Somewhere out there, Keanu Reeves is very impressed. Thankfully no one was hurt when this Detroit bus driver fell asleep at the wheel and plowed through eight cars and a mailbox before finally bringing it to a stop. Somehow, his "Oh shit!" gets better with every angle they play it from.

It's Just Like Riding a Bike

#yolo

It's the Weekend

Time to catch 'em sleepin'...

Respect My Gangsta: Rally Fighter Driver

Racing drivers are a different breed. For example (from Top Gear):

Crashing is one of the more unfortunate components of motoring. But sometimes - sometimes - it can be the source of great wonder...

This is a customized off-roader called a Rally Fighter, and it's being driven in Arizona by Buddy Crisp, Tony Rivera, Chris Parker and Riley Klingman's team.

After a not inconsiderable jump, the Rally Fighter inverts itself. But the driver, who may well have the largest gentleman vegetables in the whole darn patch, keeps the throttle wide open.

They went on to finish 4th in their class and 19th overall. Fine work, chaps.

Fast and the Stupid

Call it jealousy, but I can't stand spoiled-ass kids. If you aren't older than than the size of the wheels on the car, you shouldn't be driving it. Case in point: The jackass destroying a BMW M3 below, as brought to you by autoevolution.

F.O.H.: Parenting--You're Doing It Wrong

When your 14-year-old son steals an SUV, leads police on a chase, and then wrecks the vehicle into other motorists on the highway, your credentials as a parent are, understandably, on thin ice.

From the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

A 14-year-old boy was listed in critical condition after a police chase and crash on the inbound Parkway East on Sunday evening.

The boy was driving a stolen 2001 Jeep Cherokee erratically and Penn Hills police attempted to stop the vehicle on Rodi Road. It entered the parkway and crashed at about 6:15 p.m., rolling over at the Churchill interchange. The inbound side of the highway was closed for about five hours.

But hey, kids are still kids, and not every crime is evidence of poor parenting. How you, as a mother or father, react to your child's mistake goes miles towards explaining just what kind of future he will have...

In an interview with WPXI-TV this morning, the boy's mother faulted the car owner for leaving the keys in the vehicle and took police to task for chasing the car, saying it was possible he was just joyriding.

...Well, looks like he's going to be a horrible, horrible person. Just like his mother.

This is why they need to start requiring people to earn a special license before they're allowed to raise kids. Do you really have the audacity to claim your son was not fully to blame for stealing a vehicle? Newsflash, princess: When you blame the victim of your kid's crime, you're showing the world the very reason that your child is committing crime in the first place. What kind of an example is this for a 14-year-old? If I had so much as touched a parked car without explicit permission when I was that age, my mom (who raised me as a single mother for the majority of my life) would've kicked my ass for a solid half hour, and then hit me with the, "Just WAIT 'til I tell your father about this!" (As if she hadn't just put me in traction herself...)

Fuck outta here...

Too Fast Too Furious

Damn. The people in this car were lucky to survive.

Monday Kickstart: Smooth Operator

England has been around some 1000 odd years longer than America has; as a result, their people are just a little better suited to dealing with tense situations. Say, for instance, your girlfriend is flipping the car you two are riding in. Well, then, you just calmly exit the vehicle, wait until it's over, and then cooly walk back to it to assess the damage.




Of course, if your heart rate is too subdued during something like that, you could be in danger all the same. That's why it's always handy to have Ellie Gonsalves nearby to help get your blood pumping again.

Who needs a defibrillator? Let's go.

Drive Me Crazy

Don't ask me who I'm backing in this one: It's just too close to call.





My dude Chris with the assist.

LambOWNED

While I think the snide comment by the anchorwoman is a little unjustifiably glib (and reeks of jealousy), the owner of this Lamborghini is most certainly a dumbass.

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Cars 3: A Horror Story

*sigh* Women drivers...

Forgive my misogynistic overtones, but reading this article and looking at the pictures just brings it out of me. I know the fairer sex finds the term-of-endearment that I opened with above to be offensive (if not quaint, in an Archie Bunker kind of way). And I know that someone having lady parts instead of gentleman parts doesn’t preclude them from being able to drive well. Hell, Danica Patrick has proven that, as have others before her. To be clear: I don’t think women are incapable of being good drivers; I just think most of them aren’t good drivers.

I’ve had enough near misses and road-rage-induced-meltdowns due to women piloting cars with reckless abandon to form this opinion. But before any of you ladies start sending me hate mail (or additional hate mail, for some of you), read this Yahoo! Autos story. Then tell me if you’re madder at me for my comments, or at this woman for acting as your representative.

From Yahoo! Autos:

The Hope Diamond of fender benders unfolded yesterday in possibly the most conspicuous stretch of asphalt in the .75-square-mile principality — the round-about in front of the James Bond-worthy casino — when three blondes in a jelly-bean blue Bentley Azure ($363,000) scraped the rear of a white Mercedes-Benz S-Class (a paltry $91,000). And that was merely the appetizer.

Served up for the main course were a hapless black Ferrari F430 ($186,000), which was hit nose-first by the 2.7-ton Bentley. Then, like two tankers mashing in the fog, a four-door Aston Martin Rapide ($228,000) crunched into the Azure’s passenger door. The cherry on this metal, plastic and carbon-fiber shattering souffle: a stray Porsche 911 ($77,000).

In all, a Titanic mess in mere moments, involving nearly a million dollars of primo automotive machinery. How did this happen? A quick photo-based forensics of the scene based on knowledge of the Place du Casino offers many clues.

What’s evident is that these five vehicles did not all converge on each other in one massive supercar big bang. The Bentley clearly was at fault. Its nose is pointing straight at the casino’s entrance, an entrance where fine cars are routinely valet-parked diagonally. It seems that the Bentley’s driver thought she could sneak past the white Mercedes, then swerved right when she realized they were going to collide, which in turn clipped the Rapide coming up on her right. The Ferrari and the Porsche were collateral damage - parked directly in the Bentley’s now diverted path.

So ladies, I beg you to use common sense, before you or a girlfriend of yours plays bumper cars with another five beautiful and finely-tuned works of art. If you can afford a Bentley Azure (or if you're married to/dating/the daughter of someone who can...just saying), please do the world a favor and pay for some lessons to improve your critical driving skills as well.

You could even hire Danica to tutor you, if nothing else.

"Move, bitch...Get out the way, bitch, get out the way!!"

If you live in a place (like Pittsburgh, for example) where bicyclists clog up the flow of traffic on the city streets, I'm sure this video will make you smile.

It damn sure made me smile.

DC Police Kill Bumblebee

This is pretty funny. As Michael Bay and his crew filmed scenes for next year's "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" in the streets of Washington, D.C., an out-of-place police SUV rushed through the set and collided with the yellow Camaro used to portray fan-favorite Bumblebee. And luckily for us, a bystander caught it all on film.

From Seibertron:

According to TMZ.com, TF3 was filming when a reported bomb scare caused an Explosive Ordinance Police Vehicle to accidentally enter the set and collide with the Camaro that has been used as Bumblebee.

Peruvians are Born Stuntmen

Two Peruvian teens get launched from their car when it smacks a light pole at high speed...and escape with only minor injuries. Crazy video.

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If She Owned a Prius She'd be Dead

This is...well, it's quite simply the best story of the year (thus far; but, even though we're only 3+ months into the year, it's going to be hard for this one to be topped). Props to the boys at Daddy's Sugar Ball for the find.

According to the Key West news site, keysnews.com, "Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash...was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat...'She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,' [a state trooper] said."

There is nothing in the article about the woman's profession—though I think we can all agree that she's quite the accomplished landscaper. And there's nothing here that confirms that she is now (or ever was) an exotic dancer; but, being familiar with the ways of the dancer as I am...I think it's a safe bet to make. From my experience, "Florida" + [obliviously dumb act] ÷ [inexplicably complicated matrix of relationships with men] = stripper. I can practically smell the baby oil while reading the story.