Runaway Bus

Somewhere out there, Keanu Reeves is very impressed. Thankfully no one was hurt when this Detroit bus driver fell asleep at the wheel and plowed through eight cars and a mailbox before finally bringing it to a stop. Somehow, his "Oh shit!" gets better with every angle they play it from.

Auto Eroticism: Maserati Quattroporte

It's the 2013 North American International Auto Show in Detroit, and new cars are being thrown at us almost as hard this week as Big Bang Theory has been for the last three years (no, I don't like that ridiculous show either). And next up for our viewing pleasure: the all-new Quattroporte.

From MSN.com:

Everything has been reworked and improved. The full-size sedan is larger and has considerably more interior and trunk space, but it weighs nearly 220 pounds less than the previous version, thanks to extensive use of aluminum in the chassis and body. Styling changes are evolutionary. The car retains key design elements such as the prominent front grille, three small side vents in the front fenders, and a triangular rear roof pillar.

New engines were designed entirely in-house and will be built under contract by corporate cousin Ferrari. The V8 displacement is downsized, but twin turbochargers boost output to 523 horsepower and 524 lb-ft of torque. That represents an increase of 18 percent and 39 percent, compared with the previous nonturbocharged V8. The new V8 is good for zero to 62 mph in 4.7 seconds and an astounding top speed of 191 mph. The only other Maserati to exceed that top speed is the MC12 supercar. A new twin-turbo V6 engine derived from the V8 makes 404 horsepower and 405 lb-ft of torque. It can be paired with all-wheel drive, which is not offered with the V8. An 8-speed automatic is the only transmission available.

Now, to my eye—which, admittedly, has its flaws—this new car barely looks any different than the current Quattroporte. There's certainly been a few tweaks to the rear of the car; but, aside from that...yeah. Not seeing anything substantial. Just like Big Bang Theory.

If I'm lucky enough to be car shopping in this price range, I'd much rather go with something more stylish and more dependable, like a BMW 7-Series or a Mercedes S-class (both of which will likely cost you less, both in sticker price and mechanic bills).

Imported from Detroit

Among this year's crop of Super Bowl ads was one from Chrysler preaching hometown pride, featuring hip-hop's King of Detroit, Eminem.

Have It Your Way

They've told us for years that fast food is bad for your health. A man in Detroit probably should've heeded that advice and thought better of getting a Whopper yesterday.

From The Huffington Post:

DETROIT — A 20-year-old Burger King employee who was arguing with a customer in a crowded fast food restaurant punched the 67-year-old man, who fell and later died, police said Friday.

The punch may have caused the older man to choke on his dentures, WJBK-TV reported.

Police said the customer was reportedly causing a disturbance Thursday afternoon at the restaurant on the city's east side and tried to hit the worker, who swung back.

I'm not sure I could have less sympathy for this guy. All accounts seem to indicate that he was acting a fool, and that he swung on the employee first. Don't get it twisted--the customer's not ALWAYS right. If you're 67 and are thinking of swinging on someone a third of your age over some onion rings, nature's going to have it's way with you.

[Ed. Note: The file name for the BK logo above is "BURGER_KING_DEATH_PUNCH". Priceless.]

Feeling Stressed?

Forbes has released a list of America's most stressful cities. There seems to be a deep irony, though, in that three of the top ten (Miami, Tampa, and Vegas) are places where people typically go to unwind and get away from the daily grind.

01. Las Vegas, NV
02. Los Angeles, CA
03. Houston, TX
04. Tampa, FL
05. Riverside, CA
06. Miami, FL
07. Dallas, TX
08. New York, NY
09. Chicago, IL
10. Detroit, MI

I have to say, this list resonates with me on a personal level. Regardless of what Forbes may think, Pittsburgh's stress levels are fairly high, too. And, at different times, I have thought of moving to Tampa, Las Vegas, Miami, NYC, and my homeland of L.A. as a means of escaping to a brighter future. I guess no matter what seat you're in, you're always under the gun.

1:10—Up and Running

Crooked Straight fan and friend,1:10, has decided to make his own mark upon the blogosphere. His new page, "This Is One Ten," is operational. Be sure to check it out regularly; he's always good for some funny stories and posts—even if he is from Detroit (f**k the Red Wings...lol).