Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Stand and Deliver: Greer Barnes

More from Greer. The man does some tremendous impersonations.

Vibe is No More

From the New York Times:
Vibe, one of the nation’s leading popular music magazines, is closing immediately, a spokeswoman said Tuesday.

Word was broken early this afternoon by the Web site dailyfinance.com and spread to other music and media news sites. The spokeswoman, Tracy Nguyen, said the Vibe staff would be formally notified in a meeting at 2 p.m. She said she did not know how many people would be laid off as a result of the closure.

The closure of Vibe leaves just one large-circulation music magazine, The Source, focusing on hip-hop and R&B. The Source has had its own troubles, going through a bankruptcy and emerging under new ownership last year. A rock-focused magazine, Blender, folded last year.

Strange to think that, out of all the different "hip hop mags" out there, The Source is the one to survive. Benzino damn near killed it with his own personal vendettas and nonsense years ago, but yet it has outlived even Vibe.

The full article can be read here.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

Welcome to the Air Sex Championships

Yes, I said "air sex". Think "air guitar," but naughtier. This competition was held in Portland recently, finally answering the question, "What do strippers do for fun when they're off-duty?" Below is a sample from a contestant by the name of "Miss Behavin"; for more, go to http://www.airsexworldchampionships.com/.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Goodbye, Michael

The world lost a legendary man today.

Michael Jackson was, for the people of my generation, the first big star that we ever knew. He was pop music and superstardom. His songs inspired millions; sometimes he made you dance, sometimes he made you think. Sometimes he even made you cry. His legacy can be found in an era of artists who had not even been born when Thriller, his signature album, was released. Much of today's music bares his artistic DNA, whether intentional—beat loops and lyrical retreads of his numerous hits—or unintentional—the brash singing style and enthusiastic dance moves that he pioneered.

The controversy that surrounded him in his final years may serve as judge and jury in some people's eyes; which is sad, and highly unjustified. Though he was accused of horrible crimes, but was never once convicted. No evidence could be produced to confirm the scandolous accounts put forward. People tend to get stuck on tabloids and sensationalism, and the result is an unfair depiction of a man.

In the end, Michael was an immensely talented man who loved life, and loved the world and the people who inhabited it. He was an entertainer who persevered for 40 years in an industry that swallows up and spits out hundreds on a daily basis. He was the King, and he will be forever loved and missed.


"Revenge of the Fallen" sets Wednesday Record

The new Michael Bay boomfest pulled in just over $60 million yesterday, the biggest single day box office debut ever for a film that opened in the middle of a week.

TJ, Dupa, and I were among that $60 million, catching a midnight showing a couple of nights ago. Personally, I'm just over the line of fanboy-dom when it comes to Transformers, so I was almost certain to love the film. If you're an action junkie, it doesn't disappoint. The fight scenes are intricate and brutal, and the CGI looks great. Storywise, however, the film is severely hindered by a sketchy script that could've used a lot of refinement. I had read up quite a bit on the movie beforehand, and therefore was ready for some of the plot's thinner areas; TJ and Dupa, who didn't do their homework, were thrown by the artistic liberties taken by Bay & Co.

As TJ said the next day, "...[see] 'Transformers' for the action, not for the absolutely incomprehensible storyline."

Monday, June 22, 2009


Finally, one of these Nike puppet ads that I actually laughed at. (It could just be due to my anti-LeBronism, but regardless...)

Bra Testing

Ever wonder how lingerie companies test brassieres? Simple: They take hot models to an amusement park.

[Ed. Note: Obviously this isn't really how they test bras. But it's Monday, so shut up and allow a guy to dream.]

Hot Babes Test Bras on a Roller Coaster - Watch more Funny Videos

Stand and Deliver: Mike Birbiglia

Here's a great story about what not to do, from comic Mike Birbiglia.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Remember When...

...the San Diego Chargers thought this guy was going to be their franchise quarterback that took their team to untold heights of glory? Just how much luckier do people in Indianapolis' front office feel about taking Peyton Manning instead with that year's first overall pick? It's enough to make an NFL executive get down on his knees and pray.
Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has surrendered to Texas authorities to face burglary and drug-related charges.

Leaf's attorney, Bill Kelly, says Leaf turned himself in Friday at the Randall County Jail in Canyon, where the former No. 2 pick was indicted in May after coaching quarterbacks at West Texas A&M for three seasons. Kelly says Leaf posted $15,000 bail and headed back to Washington state.

Leaf faces one count of burglary and eight drug-related counts associated with the painkiller Hydrocodone. He was arrested Wednesday in Washington state after entering the U.S. from Canada. He posted bond there and flew to Texas.

The full article can be found at ESPN.com.

Leighton Meester's into Foot Sex?

Ahh, summer. We're only days away from the year's seminal season, and it appears we may have our first big celebrity scandal. Reports abound that a video showing Leighton Meester (one of the "no one would care if 'Gossip Girl' weren't the current 'it' show" girls—Blake Lively would be the other) naked and using her "talented feet"—TMZ's words, not mine—on a lucky (and apparently enterprising) ex-boyfriend has surfaced. That's a far cry from her Entourage character, "Justine", who used her "chastity" for PR.

Or is it? Though the hype surrounding this story is steadily growing, nothing has been substantiated as of yet. And these days, I suspect these lascivious tales to be covert publicity stunts, especially when they are exposed—pardon the pun—as mere rumors. Meester is a "rising starlet" (again, not my words) with a somewhat innocent resume. No onscreen nudity, works on a teen-targeted network drama; really, the only less-than-wholesome moment of her career thus far came on Entourage, when she teased Vince about giving him the best head he's ever had. So a sex tape hoax right about now would be suspiciously fortuitous. A movie producer casting a provocative role in a big-budget film may have looked past Meester last week; now, perhaps she's one of the first names to pop into his mind. In Hollywood, image is everything.

Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe she's into foot play and other erotic acts. And maybe she loves having a camera on her at all times, not just those where a script and paycheck are involved. Maybe she's a dirty, dirty slut, and video evidence of it will soon be made available to the world. I, personally, am hoping for the tape to be a sham.

Not out of any disillusionment that she's really of upstanding moral fabric, mind you. I just don't want any added boost to Gossip Girl's ratings.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Don't count on drafting Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth in your fantasy football leagues this year. After pleading guilty to a drunk driving accident that took the life of a pedestrian in March, Stallworth has been suspended from the NFL indefinitely.
"The conduct reflected in your guilty plea resulted in the tragic loss of life and was inexcusable," commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement. "While the criminal justice system has determined the legal consequences of this incident, it is my responsibility as NFL Commissioner to determine appropriate league discipline for your actions, which have caused irreparable harm to the victim and his family, your club, your fellow players and the NFL."

Cleveland Curse, anyone?

Call Me a Hater, But...

...this made me chuckle. It's sad to say, but I was disappointed to hear that he wasn't seriously hurt.

From People.com:
Amid a New York City mob of frenzied fans, Rob Pattinson collided with a taxi on the street outside the Strand bookstore downtown Thursday, according to reports.

The Twilight actor, in Manhattan filming Remember Me, apparently attempted to run across the street to escape a hoard of fans when he was clipped on his hip by a moving cab, whose driver slammed his breaks upon impact.

Pattinson, 23, did not appear to be injured and was able to walk away from the incident.

I actually don't have anything against this guy, aside from the fact that he has become immensely popular via a terrible, overrated movie franchise. And hearing about anything bad happening to someone connected to "Twilight" just makes me smile.

The full read can be found here.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Will DiCaprio be the Next "Mikey McDermott"?

From Bluff Magazine:

The scribes behind the seminal poker film Rounders are teaming up with Leonardo DiCaprio for another poker flick, this time centering on online poker.

Brian Koppelman and David Levien, the two screenwriters whose late 90s movie gave the poker world characters like Mike McDermott, Worm, Joey Knish and Teddy KGB, will pen the script for an as-yet-untitled poker picture to be released by Paramount Pictures. DiCaprio, who is currently developing another film with the two writers, is attached to star in the film.

Details on the production are scant at the moment, but Variety says the plot will revolve around “the online casino industry in Costa Rica.” The Central American nation has been home to multiple online gambling businesses in the last decade.

Although this is being discussed as a "poker movie," I can't help but think that this plot will foucs less on the game itself, and more on the business aspect of online gaming. But we shall see. I vote they bring back John Malkovich as Teddy KGB (not that I have a vote...just saying).

Eva Mendes' Calvin Klein Ads

This one's for TJ: Actress Eva Mendes has posed for a new series of provocative Calvin Klein ads. While some focus more on inferred sexuality...

...others are in-your-face steamy.

I guess Ms. Mendes is seeking to retain her title as AskMen.com's Most Desirable Woman in 2009. Bravo, ma'am. Bravo.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Happy Birthday, Pac

Today would have been Tupac Shakur's 38th birthday.

In 2009, the debate over who is the "G.O.A.T." (Greatest Of All Time) continues on a daily basis, just as it did prior to Tupac's death in 1996. But one thing is not up for debate: there has never been (and may never again be) an emcee and enigma such as Pac. There has been no one capable of delivering the level of emotional depth and feel to a song that Tupac was. And, beyond that, he was able to combine that heartfelt fire with wittily constructed (and at times scathingly honest) lyrics.

For as controversial a public figure as Tupac Amaru Shakur was, it is both interesting and sad to imagine the person he would be today, if he was still with us. Would he still be making music despite nearing his forties, as Jay-Z has? Would he be more of a family man, watching his children grow and prosper? I like to think that he would have, in the very least, calmed down quite a bit from the "Thug Life" persona that he lived by—and, ultimately, died by—in his 20s. Even during his tumultuous years, Tupac was deeply introspective and intelligent, a side to him which shone most prominently in songs such as "Dear Mama" and "Changes". Had he lived to see his thirties, I believe Pac would've embraced life, focusing more on his acting career, new business investments, and possibly political activism.

Unfortunately, his legacy will instead be vaults of great music...and a tragic and cautionary tale. R.I.P. Pac.

Monday, June 15, 2009


With all due respect to the Los Angeles Lakers and Michael Vick, the biggest sports news of this past weekend is that the Pittsburgh Penguins are the 2009 Stanley Cup Champions. With the drama of the 2008 Finals rematch coming down to a winner-takes-all Game 7, a thrilling game that came down to the final seconds, and the Marian Hossa storyline, Friday's win by the Penguins was nothing short of epic. Congratulations to them for bringing Lord Stanley's Cup back to Pittsburgh.

Friday, June 12, 2009

White Gangstas

From Manofest: 50 pages of "LMFAO". The saddest part is, these kids really think they are hardcore thugs.

The 50 Greatest Caucasian Ganster Photos of All Time

Crooked Straight has been Punk'd by Ochocinco

Ooooh, I feel silly. You are a SLY one, Mr. Crazy-nonsensical-surname guy. I can't believe we actually thought YOU would get tattoos on your face—it’s not like you’ve EVER done anything questionable before.

From Shutdown Corner:
Update: So, it turns out Chad isn't in the Tyson/Starbury league quite yet. The tattoos were fake. From his suddenly-hot Twitter page:

The entire twitt world and media outlets got punked, that was my twitt joke from yesterday, they follow I'll have fun with it.

My grandma would kill me if I had damn facial tatts!!! Fun while it lasted, back to normal, I felt different to.

Alright, you got us, Ochocinco. That was pretty good. I always say that April Fool's Day is for suckers and that people should pull pranks on other, random days if they really want to trick people. Chad accomplished just that.

Although, I've gotta say, it doesn't bode well for Ochocinco's public image that nobody batted an eyelid when he said he got three tatts on his face. My BS detector would have been beeping like crazy had any other NFL player said he was getting the outline of Florida imprinted onto on his left cheek. With Ochocinco, it just seemed like the next logical step.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ocho Cinco has Officially Lost It

Face tattoos? Really? How long before he's onstage with Joaquin Phoenix?

From Shutdown Corner:
Following in the footsteps of renowned role models Mike Tyson and Stephon Marbury, the former Chad Johnson(notes) has gone and gotten himself a face tattoo. The transformation from amusing narcissist to attention-craving crackpot is now complete.

Ochocinco announced the new facial ink on Twitter and had the courtesy to post pictures of his three-part facial masterpiece.
You know, there was a time recently when I thought my Raiders should have made a play for the former Mr. Johnson in the offseason. Now I'm thinking there might be a tad bit of method to Al Davis' madness.

Steaming is Bad, but Pretending to Steam Isn’t

Here's a valuable lesson by Esther Rossi, found on Full Tilt:
I’ve been playing poker for 23 years, and one thing I can say about my play with great pride is that I never steam. In fact, that’s true of a lot of pros. In general, the more experienced a player is, the less likely he or she is to have a steam factor.

But because your opponents might not realize that you don’t go on tilt, one of the most profitable plays in poker is the “fake steam.” If you’ve just taken a really bad beat, the other players at the table might expect you to enter the next pot with a weak hand or try to run a bluff because you’re not thinking clearly. And if you actually pick up a strong hand in this situation, you need to recognize how everyone else views you and play accordingly.

Just recently, I was playing in a No-Limit Hold ’em tournament and fairly early on, I picked up pocket Kings. I went to war with them and, wouldn’t you know, I lost the pot to someone holding J-8.

On the very next hand, with blinds at 20/40 and my stack below average at about 2,700, I was in the big blind with pocket threes. Four players limped in, the small blind folded, and I checked. The flop came A-2-3, giving me middle set. I checked, everyone else checked too, and then the button put out a bet of 140 into a 220 pot. I took my time and smooth-called, and everyone else folded.

The turn was an inconsequential card, a ten. I checked again, and now the button bet 300 into a pot of 500. This is where I sprung into action with my fake-steam plan. I was confident my hand was good, since the only hands that could beat me were pocket Aces (which he would have raised with pre-flop), pocket tens (which he would have raised with pre-flop), or 4-5. If he flopped the nut straight, then that’s just unlucky for me, but realistically, I believed my hand was best. So what I did was push in a big raise, but not quite all of my chips. I raised to 1,900, leaving 625 behind.

I was trying to get into his head and confuse him, because I knew he thought I was on tilt and he thought I didn’t have a real hand. I raised enough to make it look like I was trying to steal the pot, but by not pushing all in, I hoped it would give the impression that I wanted to save some chips in case he called my “bluff.”

Immediately, he re-raised me for my last 625 chips, I called, and it turned out he just had K-2. The only possible excuse for him thinking bottom pair was good in that spot was that he was sure I was steaming and stealing.

If he really knew me well, he would have known that I don’t steam. He would have known that I don’t let my emotions dictate my actions.

But not everyone you play against is going to understand how to read you, so if you can accurately interpret how they think you’re playing, you can use that to your advantage and take their chips.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Montana Jr. Chooses the University of Washington

I'm sure this one will make Kev smile.

Nick Montana (the son of Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana, and one of the top high school quarterbacks in the nation) has chosen to attend the U of Washington. Montana was offered a scholarship by many of the top schools in college football, including LSU, Ohio State, Georgia, Florida State, Notre Dame, and Alabama, but selected the Huskies largely because of the recruiting efforts of new head coach Steve Sarkisian.
"In Nick, the Huskies get a quarterback with outstanding leadership skills," Redell said. "He is very poised, nothing rattles him. He is extremely calm under fire."

Montana earned newcomer of the year, first-team all-CIF, first-team all-county, first-team all-state and first-team all-league after completing 55 percent of his passes as a junior. He can make plays with his feet and had three rushing touchdowns to his credit.

The full article can be found here.

New Future for Futurama

Good news for fans of the animated sitcom "Futurama": Comedy Central has decided to renew the series, due to strong DVD sales.
The new episodes, produced as before by Matt Groening (GREE'ning) and David X. Cohen, are expected to air on Comedy Central beginning in mid-2010

In the last year or so I've become somewhat of a fan of the show. I've caught reruns on Comedy Central from time to time, and I have to admit that the writing is very witty. And it's interesting to see that DVD sales have once again resurrected a "dead" television series, this having happened with Family Guy a few years ago.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

"The Friend Zone"

I've got a buddy - G-Money, what up - who laments that he doesn't get enough chicks cuz he always ends up in "The Friend Zone." This is the mythic place where girls apparently like you a lot, but not enough to actually hook up with you. It's G-Money's contention that this place is a black hole, that once you're in it, you're stuck there for life.

I don't disagree that sometimes you end up becoming friends with a chick when you're really just trying to wax on/wax off, but I do disagree that it's a life sentence. After all, being a chick's friend means you're halfway there; it's a lot better than being a complete stranger on the other side of the bar.

Anyhow, I'm posting this "column" for the homie G-Money, and because it's f***ing hilarious. Enjoy.

Monday, June 8, 2009

It's Been a While...

...since we've had some Britney Spears-related controversy. And to our rescue has come TMZ (as per usual). New photos have surfaced that show Miss Spears dancing topless during the shooting of her 2007 music video for "Gimme More". My question is: "Are those real tats on her...tats?"

Click here to see all of TMZ's pictures (17 in all).

Bret Michaels = Pwned

This is the beauty of Youtube: Theater generally sucks, and awards shows generally suck, so an awards show for the theater is guaranteed to be lame. But one small speck of interesting actually took place during last night's Tony Awards, and thanks to modern technology we can cut out all of the bad to bring you the LOL.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Photobombing's Finest

It has many names—photobombing, picture diving, that-guying—but the result is usually the same: hilarity. Here are some choice excerpts from a special gallery of hot girls getting photobombed, brought to you by The Chive.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Sasha Grey: More than Tail (Report)

Here's an interesting article about Sasha Grey, who may just become the first woman to ever go from being the current "It Girl" in the porn industry to being the current "It Girl" of Hollywood. Her performance in the upcoming mainstream movie "The Girlfriend Experience" (directed by Steven Soderbergh) has impressed critics—even those as renowned and tough as Roger Ebert.

Grey is undeniably beautiful, but is far from the stereotype that likely pops into your head when you hear the words "porn star":
So, armed with shrewd business acumen, defiantly libertine ideals, the latest in social-networking tools and a frame with barely-legal contours, Grey is building that brand. She’s starting her own company to produce intelligent porn that focuses on real acting, rather than mechanical, unimaginative copulation. At the same time, she’s trying to further her mainstream film career, develop cachet in the experimental-music world and cultivate a growing fan base that often seems as interested in her brains as they are in her body.

“My whole thing is to bridge that gap,” she says. “To say, ‘Yeah, I have sex on camera, but I can act, make music, draw, paint and write poetry.’ I consider myself a Renaissance woman.”

Grey rarely drinks, doesn’t do drugs and, contrary to the prevailing stereotype, says she was never abused as a child. As Soderbergh sees it, “She’s a new breed. She’s a mold-breaker.”

The jump from adult film superstar to being one in mainstream cinema is an extremely difficult one to make, given the stigmas involved with porn. It can at times be impossible to break American audiences from social pigeonholes and stereotypes that have been cultivated since before their grandparents were born. But if anyone stands a chance to do it in your lifetime, it's Grey. Her combination of beauty, brains, character, and fearlessness is rare (and she's only 21, giving female moviegoers yet another reason to hate on her).

The full Blender article can be found here. It's a good read, and a fascinating look at the talented and determined "Renaissance woman."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Stand and Deliver: Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh just doesn't give a fuck. If you're from Nebraska, you're not going to like this. And he doesn't care. He's happy. Just ask him.


All We're Missing Is The Gerbil

Well, at least we now know Joe Jonas isn't gay.

Total Recall ... Recall

I'll preface this post by saying I may be the biggest Arnold Schwarzenegger fan you know. "Predator" is one of my five favorite movies ever. I can recite entire scenes from just about any action flick he's done. It's pathetic.

Anyhow, outside of my fanboyness, one of Arnold's acknowledged classic movies is "Total Recall," released in 1990. Directed by Paul Verhoeven on the heels of "Robocop" and based on a Philip Dick story, it was a groundbreaking piece in special effects, winning an Academy Special Achievement Award in that field. It had the largest-ever budget of a studio movie and made $260 million worldwide, as well as critical acclaim.

And it featured a badass midget hooker.


I'm almost personally offended by this. There's no way he'll come up with anything as awesome as this scene:

Read more about it here.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Peace (in Hockey) by Inches

I dedicate this to my Pittsburgh Penguins, who find themselves in a 0-2 hole against the Detroit Red Wings, with a pivotal Game 3 on the line tonight in the Stanley Cup Finals.

While Pacino's speech is geared toward football, it could just as easily be applied to hockey. Both are about sacrificing yourself as part of a team, and every last one of the Penguins needs to take heed of this lesson tonight if they're going to come back in the series.


King Baby

By now most of you have likely read and heard all about Lebron James' antics following the Cleveland Cavaliers' Game 6 loss to the Orlando Magic a few days ago. Here's a well-written opinion piece on the subject by Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo Sports:

Funny, but James stayed on the court to make sure the Detroit Pistons and Atlanta Hawks paid respect to him. As it turns out, there’s one thing allowed to happen at the end of a playoff series: Everyone bows down and kisses the King’s ring. Only, LeBron doesn’t have a ring. He’s never won a game in the NBA Finals.

So, yes, maybe they just have to kiss his feet.

The full article can be read here. Personally, I agree with Wojnarowski completely.

To be fair, I can admit that I've grown anti-Lebron in recent weeks. It hasn't been so much due to the man himself, but because of the groupie-like following that has grown amongst NBA fans. They fawn over him. They call him the next Michael Jordan. Granted, he's good. Very good. But he's not Jordan. He's not as polished, not as genuinely devoted to his team and winning, as calm and humble in both success and failure as Michael was. And until you've led your team to the title, it's hard for me to agree with the comparison. The argument that he doesn't have enough talent around him is laughable; he has as much or more than Jordan did in 1991, Chicago's first championship season. If Lebron is the next Jordan, would he have won playing alongside Horace Grant, Bill Cartwright, and Scottie Pippen?

But all of that dislike stemmed from the bandwagoning on the part of fans. The character of the man himself was never an issue for me. Not until the end of Cleveland's playoff run. This isn't about him celebrating dunks or throwing baby powder in the air, or other actions that are just young guys under a lot of stress having fun (which my colleagues in the "old head" club often quickly dismiss as detrimental or disrespectful to the game, something I find even more preposterous than the comparisons between James and Jordan). This is about being a man at the end of the day. When someone beats you, you show them the same respect that you would expect from them. You don't run away, you don't pout. You acknowledge your opponent's efforts, and you congratulate him.

The "King" has got some growing to do before the crown fits.