Thursday, May 29, 2014

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

"Daammmnn Homie..."

So Curtis Jackson threw out the first pitch at the Mets game yesterday...

For his take on these events, we now turn to 50 Cent. 50, what are your thoughts?

It looks like 50 has no comments at this time. What about you, 50 Cent?

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Tuesday Kickstart: She Gone

I don't really hate Aubrey Graham as much as a lot of folks do. But he's such an easy target, that a lot of the shade thrown his way is too good to pass up. Even if it's sometimes unintentional (thanks to Exel for finding this Vine).

Then again, after watching that a few hundred times and wiping the tears from my eyes, I'm not entirely certain that was unintentional by Jhene. The look on her face right as she does it is such an "Oh god, this nucca's gonna try and touch me" look.

Your inspiration this week is Ms. Shelby Chesnes. Shelby previously appeared as a Kickstart inspiration in March 2013, so you know it'll take some serious fire to make it in a second time...

...Yup, that'll do it. Let's go.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Violence is Violence

There's a women's movement going on in the US right now, and in many ways it's righteous, necessary, and frankly overdue. One of the problems with this and most other waves of "pro-woman" social activism, though, is that the tone quickly shifts from "Men who abuse/rape/marginalize women are wrong" to "All men are evil." A hypocrisy takes over, wherein all women are absolved of wrong because they're women, and all men are charged with crimes of inhumanity because they're men.

If you've been keeping up with the #YesAllWomen tag on Twitter today, you've seen the evil that some men can do. But the world is much too complicated of a place to to trace the line between the genders and claim it to also be the dividing line between wrong and right. Not all men are rapists. Not all women are innocent. Just as there are evil, asshole men out there that make life that much more difficult for the good guys, there are evil, asshole women out there who make life that much more difficult for the good gals.

From BuzzFeed:
DareLondon set up a hidden camera experiment to see how strangers would react to seeing domestic abuse for ManKind’s #ViolenceIsViolence campaign.

A couple (portrayed by actors) in a London park get into a heated argument and things begin to get out of hand. The man begins to physically abuse his “girlfriend.” Onlookers immediately notice and take action. One woman even walks up to the guy yelling, “What’s wrong with you?”

...Then the situation changes. The actors recreate the same scenario, except this time the woman is abusing the man.

I never have hit a woman, nor could I ever envision myself doing so. And most of the guys I know are of the same mold. But I've seen women take advantage of that, and get away with murder in return. I once saw a woman throw heavy, glass objects at the head of her boyfriend—knowing he'd had severe head injuries in the past—and show zero remorse for it. She wasn't in danger or defending herself in any way when she decided to risk maiming/killing the man she claimed to love; they were having an argument and he, a small guy only slightly bigger than her, was 10 feet away, making no physically threatening movements.

By all definitions of justice, she should have gotten her ass kicked that night. But she was dating a good guy, and she knew there would be no physical retribution for her actions. So he dodged the ashtray and candlestick, and kept himself 10 feet away from her. And when the police arrived, he was the one who had to leave the home they shared, and he was threatened with a night in jail.

Despite having witnessed this episode, I know better than to identify all women as crazy bitches who will try to escalate an altercation from verbal to physical, all because they have the upperhand in the court of public opinion. It's unfair to those who strive to act right when you paint them with the same brush as those who've failed to live up to that standard. For years now we've striven to eradicate stereotypes and profiling techniques that characterize someone as lazy, criminal, or uneducated solely because of his or her skin color. So why doesn't the same moderation and reasoning get applied when the issue is one of gender?

Is abuse wrong because the person getting hit is innocent, or because the person getting hit is a woman? This is 2014, when old-fashioned gender roles are steadily being rewritten. Does this mean that if a lesbian beats her partner to within an inch of her life, the whole thing doesn't merit a 911 call? And if a gay man shoves his husband, does he get thrown in jail? Maybe action should be the balancing point for the scales of justice, not gender? Maybe, we should just refer to the wisdom of Chris Rock:

Thursday, May 22, 2014

"Not that there's anything wrong with it!"

As a heterosexual, one of the most interesting things for me to watch is heterosexual men and women who are visibly uncomfortable around homosexual men and women. It's very similar to the white people in college who grew up isolated, and are suddenly trying to prove at every hall party that they're not racist. But now that I'm in my 30s, my generation is (mostly) integrated racially. So the intermingling of sexualities is the new frontier, and the shit is hilarious to watch.

Comedian Daniel Ryan-Spaulding, it seems, enjoys this theater as much as I do.

Day Man

Every year we get YouTube clips of celebrities giving commencement speeches at colleges around the country thrown at us. But never did I expect to see one from Charlie Day. I also did not expect him to deliver the most grounded and sensible speech I've ever seen.

Throwback Thursday: "Sky's the Limit" -- Notorious B.I.G. ft. 112

It must have been fun as hell for these kids to make this video. Lucky brats. < /hating >

Monday, May 19, 2014

Paws the Beat

Don't question it. Just sit back and enjoy it.

From CNET:
Creative firm Division of Labor was hired to make this music-filled film to entertain Live Nation concert-goers. They assure us that no animals were harmed in the making of this short, but that the same can't be said for the records and equipment. So folks, please put down your vintage vinyl, there's no need to try this at home.

Rodents on Turntables - @LiveNation from Division of Labor on Vimeo.

Monday Kickstart: Ahead of the Game

This kid will be president in 30 years. Mark my words.

This week, inspiration comes from the mesmerizing Ashley Hale:

Let's go.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Handle with Care

Parenting can be tricky. Especially if you're someone who has trouble multitasking.

I think it's the fact that the kid seems to be okay at the very end that allows me to laugh myself silly every time I watch that. I think that's it. And you just know this guy left the park that day thinking, "Thank god his mom will never know about this..."

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Elevator Music

Can't even. This shit is fantastic.

My boy Profound with the assist.

Throwback Thursday: "Luv 2 Luv Ya" -- Timbaland & Magoo ft. Shawnna

I've been looking for a quality upload of this video to post as a throwback for a long time. Each emcee puts it down on this track, which may be the best Timb and Magoo ever teamed up on. And, as per any Timb track from around this time, their whole crew (Aaliyah, Ginuwine, Playa, etc.) get cameos in the video.

...and goddamn did Shawnna look like she could make your body shake.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Tuesday Kickstart: Generation Why?

As cool as the ads for the new Godzilla movie look, let's be real; if a giant monster really attacked today, things would probably go a little more like this Nacho Punch video.

You may have noticed the cute, buxom brunette in that video ("Guess it's back to OKCupid") and thought she looked a little familiar. That's because she's Milana Vayntrub, A.K.A. the adorable AT&T girl from their bazillion commercials. Personally, though, she won my heart during her short stint on Showtime's House of Lies, where she played Christy, a junior consultant driven insane by her boss. There's just something so sexy about a girl yelling "Sic semper tyrannis!" as she stabs her coked up boss in the thigh with a letter opener...

Here's where Milana makes things hard difficult. Naturally, a beautiful woman like her deserves to be put upon a pedestal as this week's "inspiration." But normally we like to use—to put it gently—slutiferously hoochified dirty-girl pictures. But Milana, you see, is much too demure of a young lady to have any such pictures floating around the internet for our use. This means the most innocent "inspiration" shot you'll probably ever see at Crooked Straight:

Oh well. I guess she's just saving it for our honeymoon. Let's go.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Slide, Slide, Who-Ride

Look, Europe's just cooler than here. You don't believe me? Has YOUR city ever shut down a street and set up a giant Slip 'N Slide? No? Then stfu.

It's the Weekend

Time to head for the exits...

TJ with the assist.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Monday, May 5, 2014

Monday Kickstart: Making the Band

Since yesterday was the Star War nerd Xmas—otherwise known as May the 4th, enjoy this College Humor look behind the scenes at the Cantina Band auditions, featuring some faces familiar to people who probably aren't Star Wars fans.

And now for something to wash your brain of anything Star Wars-related (aside from her name sounding like an Alderon moon—sorry), here's Hannah-Jade B:

Let's go.

Friday, May 2, 2014

"Tell 'em I said 'Have a Coke and a Smile and Shut the Fuck Up.'"

I avoided discussing the Coke ad controversy racism/xenophobia when it all went down a few months ago. But having just seen this excellent response to it all by WXIA Atlanta's Brenda Wood, I'll simply say "ditto." And I'll also echo TJ's response upon seeing this clip: "Why'd they cut the video before the mic drop?"

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Throwback Thursday: "He Got Game" -- Public Enemy

He Got Game is 16 years old this weekend. Do you know how old that makes me feel? I saw it when I was a freshman in college. *sigh*

TJ with the assist and shared feelings of ancientness...