Rough Waters

This is easily the whitest thing you'll ever see: Two drunk girls fighting while white water rafting in North Carolina.

Dropping by Unannounced

Bruh.

From Yahoo! News:

Firefighters in Southern California responded to an unusual call over the weekend at the home of a man who awoke to find his ex-girlfriend naked and stuck inside the fireplace.

According to Riverside County officials, the 35-year-old woman, who was not identified, tried to enter the Woodcrest, Calif., home where her ex-boyfriend and three children live through the front door early Saturday morning, but it was locked. So she climbed on the roof, stripped off her clothes and tried to shimmy down the chimney.

BRUH.

I feel you, though man. The crazy ones are like a drug. Or on drugs. He lives there with his three—count 'em, one, two, THREE—kids, and she's trying to break in. Naked.

...bruh.

Monday Kickstart: Crazy in Love

My boy T.C. sent me this video, along with the comment, "I like the zone with girls named Tiffany, hair dressers, and strippers." So do I, man. So do I.



I don't know where Krystal Fang falls on the Hot/Crazy matrix, but I'd love a chance to find out.

Let's go.

Naked Woman Rages at Mickey D's

Bet you can't guess what sta—

"Florida?"

...Oh, yeah, I guess you can.

From Faded Industry:

Unbelievable security camera footage shows a crazed topless woman in just her panties tearing apart a Florida McDonald’s. The video shows the nude, extremely agitated lady start her tirade by screaming into the St. Petersburg restaurant’s kitchen before slamming her head onto the counter in a maniacal rage. This isn’t a joke although watching it is extremely funny and entertaining. After proceeding to furiously dump the contents of a refrigerator onto the floor as employees stare in disbelief, she sticks her head under the soft serve dispenser and helps herself to a face full of ice cream.

It's the Weekend (...For Me)

Time for a four-day weekend, bitches...

The homie Justin with the assist.

Throwback Thursday: "Halfcrazy" -- Musiq

Can't believe this is over 10 years old already. One of those tracks that probably means a little more to me than it does to most, given its relevance to my life at the time. But undeniably a cool track that displays Musiq doing what he does best: speaking from the heart on a real topic.

Overblown

Let's just take a little look at this story, as reported by The Huffington Post:

Suzanne Welker, 31, was reportedly performing oral sex on Ernest Felix Gonzales, 27, as he was driving an SUV on Florida's I-95 Sunday afternoon, according to WJXT-TV.

Well now... Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

The couple allegedly became irate when [they] noticed that a family was watching them from another vehicle...

Hmm...I can understand Welker getting mad, but Gonzales was too? She must not have been doing the damn thing. When the throat action is good, you couldn't even get angry at someone if he was lighting your wallet on fire—while it was in your pocket. If Welker was putting it down when she stopped to bitch about the gawkers, Gonzales' response would've just been to put his hand on the back of her head while whispering, "Shhhh..." I'm almost inclined to think most of Gonzales' rage was just misdirected frustration.

...and they followed the family for more than 10 miles before confronting them with a semiautomatic weapon.

What the what? Remember in the '80s, when it was a stereotype that everyone in Florida was on drugs? Well...

And that's just the opening paragraph. My favorite part of the tale comes a little later.

When the couple noticed the family staring, Carr says, Welker "jumped up in the seat bare butt, mooned us through the window."

Gonzalez then reportedly slowed his SUV, began to tail Carr's pickup truck, and even attempted to run him off the road and into a guardrail, according to the Florida Times-Union.

Carr ultimately pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and bar owned by his parents. Gonzalez and Welker followed close behind. That, Carr told WJXT, is when "everything went crazy."

That's when everything went crazy? Mr. & Mrs. Freeway Fellatio mooning you, trying to run you off the road, and chasing you down into a parking lot didn't earn the "This is 50 Shades of insane" distinction in your head?

I'll be in Florida next month for a business trip. I think I'll stay off the highways, if at all possible.

Booty Kills

A woman this crazy living in Pennsylvania? I guarantee I know someone who has dated her.

From the Associated Press (via NBC10 in Philadelphia):

Bethlehem police say 24-year-old Tiffany Sherry stabbed her boyfriend three times Monday night, including once in the back as he fled.

Investigators say Michael Martinez told officers Sherry was washing dishes when he slapped her rear as a joke because she'd suffered a bad sunburn. He says she turned around with a knife and stabbed him after he backed into the living room.

I know I shouldn't be turned on right now, but...

And did anyone bother asking just how she managed to burn her ass? Are girls laying all around Bethlehem, PA sunning their bare bottoms? Because that conflicts pretty heavily with my prior assumptions about Bethlehem, PA.

TJ with the assist.

Mommy Dearest

The Kardashians' fame is a strange commentary on our society. After all, none of them have any real discerning talents, other than being ridiculously hot (Kim and Kourtney) or being married to famous athletes (Kris and Khloe). And, maybe most bizarre of all, it's unlikely any one of us would know who any one of them is if it weren't for Kim's sextape "leaking" back in 2007 (has it really only been five years that we've known her?). And now, a report has come out that has taken what was already unusual and pushed the needle to "absolutely insane".

From LAist:

In a series of text messages, Kris Humphries allegedly told his ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj that Kris Jenner persuaded Kim Kardashian to make her now-infamous sex tape.

According to TMZ, Jenner not only instructed Kim to make the tape, but then insisted that she redo it because it wasn't "pretty enough."

What. The. Fuck. ?.

Obviously, KK and her fam are denying the validity of this story. And it is coming from the bitter, special-needs-student Humphries. But just how shocked would any of us be at this point if this story were somehow proved to be true?

Drive Me Crazy

Don't ask me who I'm backing in this one: It's just too close to call.





My dude Chris with the assist.

It's the Weekend

Time to...

Altar'd Reality

One of my bigger pet peeves is a woman who insists on pressuring her boyfriend into proposing. And, to be fair, I'm not a huge fan of marriage to begin with. But a lot of that distaste comes from an outdated overvaluing of the "institution." Unfortunately, far too many people today see marriage as a step to cross off in the checklist for a fulfilling life. This has led to far too many women feeling that landing a husband is the be-all, end-all measure of their quality of life.

Don’t get me wrong: If one or both of the people in the couple are over 25, they've been dating without serious disruption for several years, and are by all accounts really good together, I see no problem with them mutually deciding that they want to put a ring on it. I constantly tell Baby Joey, for instance, that he needs to quit dragging his feet with regards to proposing to TD. But for every couple like that, there are another four girls who are under-25 and convinced that their otherwise-happy lives are empty and meaningless because their deadbeat under-25 boyfriends haven’t dropped to one knee and given them a chance to dress up like princesses in front of all of their friends and families. It’s a desperate mind state that reeks of paranoia [I really should consider a career with Hallmark].

Need a vivid example of this epidemic of misplaced self-worth? Look no further than this story from The Huffington Post:

A Chicago woman faces disorderly conduct charges after she decided to call 911 hoping to scare her boyfriend into proposing marriage.

Ana Perez, 40, called 911 Sunday night claiming her boyfriend was attacking her, but changed her story when officers arrived, according to WBBM.

"She called 911 to scare [her boyfriend] and have the police force him to marry her," Grand Central District police Capt.

I doubt Ms. Perez knows just what a favor she was doing her boyfriend when she made that phone call. I'd say that there's a very good chance that he does, though:

Police said her boyfriend was breaking up with her when she made the call.

When you break up with someone, there's always that immediate moment afterwards where you wonder if you've made a big mistake. I get the feeling this guy didn't have that moment.