Video: Rihanna ft. Kanye West & Paul McCartney -- "FourFiveSeconds"

This track's been on everyone's lips since it was released a week or so ago. Ri might be the only woman who could ever make me call her "bae".

Monday Kickstart: Too Much to Handle

I love me some Ri-Ri, and I love me some Brooklyn Decker. But I don't love me some Brooklyn Decker as much as Ri-Ri loves her some Brooklyn Decker.

Sometimes it feels like I'm controlling Rihanna with my mind. *pauses...thinking, "Ri...show up at my door tonight wearing that dress from the CFDA Awards..."*

*cough* Anyways...let's move onto this week's inspiration. It comes in the form of Playboy's Miss March 2013, the beautiful Ashley Doris:

Let's go.

Just in Case You Forgot...

...yeah, Rihanna's still on it.

No Apology Necessary

Mrs. D.E.F.I. (though you may know her better as Rihanna) shared the cover art for her upcoming album Unapologetic via Twitter today:

...Why do I feel like I'm going to be having some very strange reactions to graffiti from now on?

It's the Weekend

Time to lend a helping hand...

It's the Weekend

Time to...uhh...what was I...what was I saying?...

Stalkerazzi: Rihanna on Holiday

I've explained my more-than-skin-deep reasons for loving RiRi. Now here are some of my skin-deep ones, from FHM.

Gangsta Boo

There are many reasons why I love Rihanna, but this may be the least superficial one: She's just fun. And she's just the right amount of crazy.

Some Most All women are crazy—every guy knows this (some of us all too well...*cough*). There's a definitive point along the scale of crazy, though, where you're messing with a truly psycho broad; and, unless you like waking up with a gun barrel pressed to your nuts, you would be best advised to steer clear of these women. What you look for, then, is a gal who's about three steps short of that precipice. One, say, who isn't shy about rocking out at a concert with "Thug Life" written on her stomach:

Compare this to the infamous photos of Lindsay Lohan with a knife to Vanessa Minnillo's throat, and you have a vivid example of the right way and the wrong way to do a spontaneous, nonconformist-chic photograph. Right amount of crazy vs. Wrong amount of crazy. And then, just when you've gotten used to her foot-to-your-throat punk persona, Rihanna pulls a 180. The same playfulness that a moment ago was used to project the rebellious nature of a middle-fingers-up thug is called on to remind us that she is also a girly-girl expertly capable of employing her sexuality:

No human being is one-dimensional, but pop stars—or rather, the avatars that pop stars use when they feel that fans and cameras are watching—often are. They become so careful about how any one action or soundbite will be used against them that they stick to a narrow script, never daring to veer across the dotted lines. And that's my favorite thing about Rihanna: She's not afraid to change lanes as the situation dictates. She keeps it 100; she's all her, all the time. She's beautiful, rich, and famous, and certainly those are attributes that will earn the attention of a man with even the most honest of intentions; but the fact that she's actually as attractive on the inside as on the outside means a lot. She's exactly the type of woman every man wants to marry: honest, fun, sexy, and just the right amount of crazy.

Images from The Daily Mail. TJ with the assist.

In Case You Were Wondering...

...Yeah, Rihanna's still delish.

Redemption Song

As the 2012 Grammy Awards pressed on, what would normally be a fairly innocuous situation—a famous R&B singer appearing onstage to perform one of his songs—quietly grew into something much more unsettling. While, at first, I gave no eclipsing thought to Chris Brown being a part of the ceremony, I slowly began feeling sick to my stomach. The realization of what I was seeing, of what it all meant, was disheartening, and shook my faith in humanity.

I wasn’t actually watching the Grammy Awards, though. [Seriously, if you’re not between the ages of 6 and 18, don’t actually know the artists themselves, and aren’t in the industry, then why the hell do you care about the Grammys? They haven’t been relevant in 30 years.] No, I was casting a casual eye towards Twitter, as it suddenly roared with a fervent, anti-Brown outcry.

Really, people? This is what lights your souls (and “send” fingers) on fire?

Let me clarify now [Don’t you just love that anytime someone casts a dissenting opinion these days, they have to simultaneously shield themselves from a witch hunt?] that I am in no way condoning violence against women. One more time: I AM NOT CONDONING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. I was raised by a single mother, who I love and cherish for everything she has done for me. She instilled in me every value I hold true, and taught me to employ the powers of reason, constructive thinking, and forgiveness. What happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna was a violent crime, and one for which Brown was rightfully convicted (though I feel the punishment doled out by the court was lenient; when you attack someone—man or woman—as brutally as he did Rihanna, jail time is warranted). I have two sisters, female cousins I love like sisters, a niece, several very close female friends…if someone ever did to them what Brown did, vengeance via that person’s slow, painful death may be all that I could accept in return.

…At first.

See, to sit here and contemplate such a terrible fate befalling one of my loved ones is only going to bring about the emotions that I would feel in that moment in which I learn of the attack. What would I feel three years later? Being a rational human being, I have to believe there would still be anger, but that it would be muted by understanding and empathy. This, in addition to opposable thumbs, is what millions of years of evolution has bestowed upon us: The ability to see things from more than one angle, to understand why the guilty did that for which they’re accountable; and the ability to understand that redemption may still be possible for him or her, despite the horrifying wrongs he or she has inflicted. The compassion it takes to accept that a flawed person needs time and support to overcome the demons that caused him to hurt others is an ancient concept in today’s world, thanks largely to Facebook and Twitter giving people a platform to express their unfiltered, in-the-moment thoughts before reflection and logic can refine them.

Just as putrid is the mob mentality that builds via Twitter. When someone with a modicum of fame—and 100K or more followers—expresses disgust towards a person or thing (Brown, in this case), it incites the masses to jump on the bully’s side of the line in the dirt. So rarely is this due to the followers having the same misgivings about the target of the hatred; more often than not they just want to earn a spot at the cool table by identifying this target as something they share with the bully. “I hate him too! I’m just like you! Accept me!” After all, if the cool kids are doing it, then you should be doing it too, right? And if multiple bullies attack the outcast, it only snowballs. It’s much easier to join the crowd in jeering Chris Brown, and to castigate him for one reprehensible episode, than it is to set down the torch and pitchfork and allow him space to try to rehabilitate the mental or emotional illness that caused that episode.

Perhaps this is the chunk of the whole “Chris Brown at the Grammys” mess that has provoked the most irritation for me. So much of the aggressive and derisive sentiment isn’t being spoken truly because the people behind the iPhones and keyboards hate Chris Brown. They may hate his attack on Rihanna (as do I); they may hate the sexist, misogynistic overtones of such attacks (as do I); they may hate that his fame likely shielded him from a much harsher punishment following his conviction (as do I). But aside from those pieces, he’s really just a news story to them. He’s a talking point, an edgy joke to be shared with others in the hope that one might fit in with the same society of which Brown himself was once a prominent figure. That so many comedians and B-list actors are participating in this public game of H.O.R.S.E. on a six-foot-high hoop is more telling of their need for attention than it is of the severity of Brown’s act. What percentage of these pseudo-celebs and Twitter-demagogues are contributing their time and excessive (for non-Hollywood standards) earnings to women’s shelters, domestic abuse awareness programs, and other relevant charities? Which is more sensible as a sentient member of modern society: Catty jokes on Twitter, or taking tangible action to help the millions of victims of the same abuse that you’re using to fuel your aspirations of being Twitter’s prom kings and queens? When did chastising the guilty become a more pertinent piece of the puzzle than aiding the innocent? And when did working to prevent future crimes against humanity take a backseat to being the cleverest “Mean Girl”?

Certainly Brown has done little in the way of handling the criticism and snarky jokes very well. His juvenile responses to his critics—especially on Twitter—have only added rocket fuel to the fire. When I was young and had trouble with bullies, my mom suggested I ignore them. It always seemed like something that was easier said than done. I felt as though I was handcuffing myself while my enemies took shots at me, and that my silence was having little effect in response. I would always get to a point where I felt that, whether I retaliated or not, my attacker was going to keep saying and doing what he felt like to me and my pride. Sometimes the higher road just seems like a dead end. Brown has been a poster child for this frustration. And as the high and mighty have stood around him shoving away, he’s given into the temptation to shove back—which, in the realm of public opinion and media spin, is never going to garner you anything other than more of what you’re already getting.

Here’s the fun part, though: I’m just as guilty as the other bullies and hero worshippers. I’ve taken pot shots at Chris on this page on several occasions, and even sent off a random tweet at the outset of Sunday’s shitstorm. As I watched the stakes escalate, though…well, I’ve already gone into that. But looking back at it all now, I honestly feel ashamed. I wonder: Will the Twitter bullies ever stop to acknowledge that same embarrassment?

Again, I say all of this with no intention of defending Chris Brown’s crime. And, for the record, he doesn’t seem very interested in defending it either. In all that I (or any of the bullies) have been given on which to base opinion, he’s actually showed remorse. He understands that he has a penance to pay for what he’s done. And if he was afforded time to focus on his personal betterment and his career—because, after all, music and performing are his career, and doing such at the Grammys is therefore quite natural—he might be fine. Working means being able to take your mind off of your demons and past mistakes for brief periods of time, and that can do wonders when one is attempting to find salvation. Rihanna herself has forgiven Brown, and is even currently working on a song with him. In other words, the only other person with a truly righteous understanding of the very event that has millions of strangers playing god with Chris Brown’s character and psyche is saying, “Let’s move on. Prove to me you can be better, Chris.”

But who cares what she thinks?

Tail Report: 2012 Grammy Awards

My cousin was actually at the ceremony in L.A. last night, which means I'm extremely jealous of him. Not so much about going to the show itself—that just seems like a big waste of time. But the afterparties...damn. O.C., we're going to have some words next time you're in Pittsburgh, Cuzzo.


Katy Perry
She somehow manages to look reserved here (even with the aquamarine hair), but that rackage just refuses to go silently into the night. Damn.

Chrissy Teigen
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to hate on John Legend right now. But I can't. The brother's a pimp.

Alicia Keys
...I CAN, however, hate on Swizz. Damn Alicia looks thicker these days. Maybe she's still carrying some of the baby weight, but...she's damn sure carrying it well. (Fuck you, Swizz.)

Taraji P. Henson
MILFalicious (chocolate edition)...

Kate Beckinsale
MILFalicious (vanilla edition)...

Flo-Rida's Date
The press apparently didn't bother to get her name. They were probably too busy staring at her, uhh...accessories. I'm sure that's also why no one asked why Flo-Rida was worthy of red carpet photogs.

Rihanna
Including a picture of Ri-Ri almost feels mandatory anymore. Not that it isn't still totally worth it. Damn girl.

It's Friday

Time to knuckle up...

It's the Weekend

Can't you just taste it?...

No One's Hotter than Rihanna

Esquire has named everyone's favorite Barbados Doll this year's "Sexiest Woman Alive". And, after looking through the pictures below, I'd say it's hard to disagree.

Don't discount her accent, either. After some firsthand experience with a lovely West Indian gal last week in Vegas, I can say with certainty that a woman with an island accent ranks second, just behind girls with British accents (Italian accents round out the top 3).

Cheers Ri-Ri. Keep hurtin' 'em girl.

Northern Ireland: The Unsexiest Place on Earth

If Rihanna was topless on your property, would you protest? Hell, would you be upset if Rihanna was topless anywhere?

Yeah, neither would I. Which makes this story out of Ireland a little unsettling. From BBC News:

A farmer who allowed one of the world's best-selling pop stars to film in his grain field told her to cover up after she stripped down for a video.

DUP Alderman Alan Graham said he was fetching his tractor when he saw her and thought it was unacceptable.

The Rude Boy star was filming a new pop video in his Bangor field.

"I thought it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did," he explained.

"I had my conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I'm coming from. We shook hands," he said.

As a quick sidenote, the video on BBC's page has made me realize my calling on this planet: "Rihanna's titty makeup artist". Hell, why limit myself? "Titty makeup artist to the stars".

Tail Report: Cele-Beach Booty

Summer's almost over. Get your eyefuls while they last.


Candice Swanepoel

Ciara

Rihanna

Jasmine Waltz

Megalyn Echikunwoke

A Great Benefits Package

Every job has it's perks. But few employers can entice potential hires with a perk like "Get an occasional handful of Rihanna's titty."

When moving through a pressing crowd recently, Rihanna's bodyguard helped secure his superstar charge as she fell. And, as the picture shows, his support is unfailing.

From Hollywood Life

Reports that he's now selling sniffs of his hand on Ebay have not been substantiated.

Tail Report: 2011 Grammy Awards

Yet again I'll say it: This is the only real value the Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, or any other award show has—hot women in skimpy dresses. Stated.

(click to images for larger versions)

Selena Gomez
Is this legal yet? I'm going to plead the fif on this one.

Ciara
She's still not one of my favorites, but she's been growing on me lately. Hard to deny those legs. And if you saw them her when they she was on Chelsea Lately...dizzamn.

Rihanna
Consistently delish.

Jennifer Lopez
Still hurting 'em. Te amo, mami.

Kim K.
*prerequisite "Kim is sexy and in front of cameras for no real reason" picture*

Mya
Not as revealing as some of the others, but I'm just happy to see that Mya's alive and well after almost 10 years in exile.

Props to Max Power at Daddy's Sugar Ball for the Rihanna picture.

Tail Report: Natasha "Tajah" Burton

Tajah says Rihanna went down on her without much provocation. Can't say that I blame her. It was tough to find pictures of her out on the web right now (these three were all I could find, aside from the one in Tuesday's post). That could change as Playboy, Maxim, FHM, etc. start making phone calls to Ms. Burton.