Monday, March 30, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Back to School

Back when I was in college, the most mature insult I—and the others in whatever circle of friends or like-minded fellow 20-somethings happened to be gathered—could throw at a collection of individuals is to say it was "like a high school." Our small liberal arts college's proclivity for gossip? So high school. The way people bickered over petty bullshit in my family? What were they, freshmen in high school?

And the internet? With its rumors, unsolicited opinions, and unsubstantiated accusations? The internet acts just like a big high school.

You have to watch that about 10 times to pick up on all of the websites and references they throw into it. Well done, Cracked. Though, unless I overlooked it, I notice that they didn't put themselves into it, which feels a little catty. A little immature. A little...high school.

This week we turn to Ms. Ruby Palm for inspiration, for two reasons: (1.) she's a proud L.A. gal; (2.) she's got more curves than Highway 1:

Let's go.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "What They Really Want" — DMX ft. Sisqo

Honestly, the album version was better. But this track could knock a club down back in the day. If you're age 30-40 and black, don't front like you weren't on that "I'ma be a n***a for life!" shit at the time. I know I was.

And yeah, the video is...aesthetically pleasing.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

All Love At the Top

You could say I forgot to post this two weeks ago when I first happened upon it. But I'd counter that time actually stopped at that moment, and has only just now restarted.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Trailer: Entourage (2nd Official Trailer)

Something about this just feels off. The cinematography used during the series gave the show a spontaneous, in-the-present feel. This may not make sense to anyone who hasn't lived there, but the feel of the series was distinctly SoCal. The trailers for the movie, though, have a different cinematic look to them, and it's messing with the tone. I really hope that's not an ominous sign.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Get Into the Groove

It's Monday. Which probably means your morning sucks. The workweek probably feels like a brick wall coming straight at you, while sadistically asking you to conform to its unrealistic standards of productivity. In other words, it probably feels a little something like...

I feel like I should feel worse about laughing at that than I do. Her "Oh crap" just wins it, though. She certainly deserves credit for trying. Just like we all do on a Monday morning.

This week's inspiration is Ms. Lauren Hanley, who will surely ignite your patriotism, among other things:

A photo posted by Lauren Hanley (@laurenvictoriahanley) on

Let's go.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Anywhere" — 112 ft. Lil Zane

Full disclosure: I absolutely loved this jam when it was released. Then Zane dropped "Callin' Me," and shamelessly hijacked Tupac's flow. Since then...well, I still love this track. I can't help it, it all just works—and yes, all the scattered ass in the video also helps. But I never respected Lil Zane again. I've gotta believe Pac's ghost bitch slaps him at least once a night. [Seriously, fuck you Zane. I just listened to five seconds of "Callin' Me" again while preparing this post, and it made me physically ill.]

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Tuesday Kickstart: Erin Go BRUH

From Barstool Sports:
Bravo! Bravo! One of the more exciting films I’ve seen this year. On the edge of your seat, white knuckle entertainment the entire time. Classic story of a man going toe to toe with physics, only taking a quick break to piss himself. Will he defy gravity and keep his feet or will he succumb to science and break his skull then lie in the middle of the parking lot wearing his pee pants? Tune in to find out!

I was pretty damn drunk for St. Patty's Day this past Saturday (Pittsburgh celebrates the weekend beforehand...because we're responsible). [And yes, that's why this post is a day later than usual.] I mean, don't-remember-how-I-ended-up-in-random-bars-with-random-people-drinking-random-cocktails-and-watching-people-chop-up-random-lines-of-coke drunk. You know—St. Patty's. But I was nowhere near as obliterated as that guy. My pants stayed dry.

This week's inspiration comes in the awe-inspiring form of Kerri O.:

Now that's intoxicating. Let's go.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Mile High Funk

I guarantee you she's not a US Airways flight attendant. They're nowhere near as happy.

Brolic Figure

It's taken several years, but insane space age tech is finally starting to be applied to DBZ.

From Dorkly:
If there's one thing that action figures have been missing all these years, it's a holographic prism that makes them look like they're on fire. ZW Design was savvy enough to plug this hole in the collective childhood of the world, creating a Dragon Ball Z figure that lights up like those wizard static orbs you always see at novelty shops. It's a pretty stunning effect. As Super Saiyan Goku winds up for an attack, his whole body is engulfed in flame and his fingers flicker with holy fireball light.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Get the Duct Tape

Andy Murray can never roll with me. Ever.

Facts and Figures

I haven't cared about a girlfriend's "number" since I was 25. Granted, there are some women I know today who I wouldn't touch, simply because I know how insane their hoeing was back in college. But those are cases of quality, not quantity. Nevertheless, this is pretty funny.

From Buzzfeed:
The people over at Elite Daily brought together some couples and asked them that age-old uncomfortable question: How many people have you slept with?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Living No Mas

I've always hated Taco Bell. Okay, to be fair, it may not have started as hate. Maybe more as the little gnat you ignore. Growing up in SoCal, you knew they existed, in kind of the same way that you knew a snowy road existed. "It's out there, but it's not my problem."

But, when I moved to Pittsburgh and began spending about 3/4 of my calendar year here, it entered my consciousness. Around then, it became an amusing sight to dismiss. "Oh, a Taco Bell. Nice, there's a McDonald's next to it!"

As I grew older, though, I've listened to Pittsburghers around me—most of whom have never actually met a Mexican person—talk about Taco Bell as though it was what God is reaching for in "The Creation of Adam". And that's when my hatred began. Because Taco Bell is white food in brownface.

This clip does make me hungry, though—for real Mexican food. If only I still lived in a part of the country where I could actually get some. But hey, there's always McDonald's...

Now for something authentic and truly delicious, I give you Ms. Savannah Davies:

Now THAT'S mouthwatering. Let's go.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Know the Ledge

On the one hand, she should've known what she was in for when she got dressed that morning. On the other hand...he's probably dead now.

Runaway Bus

Somewhere out there, Keanu Reeves is very impressed. Thankfully no one was hurt when this Detroit bus driver fell asleep at the wheel and plowed through eight cars and a mailbox before finally bringing it to a stop. Somehow, his "Oh shit!" gets better with every angle they play it from.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Brick and a Miss

If only all anti-theft systems were this good.

Monday Kickstart: Just Like Old Times

There's nothing like a warm welcome from an old friend.

From Tastefully Offensive:
In 2003 a Minnesota Timberwolves fan gained fame when he got kicked out of a game for his crazy shirtless dance moves (that earned him the nickname "Jiggly Boy"). Last week, the famous fan made a triumphant return when he brought back his signature moves to celebrate Kevin Garnett's return to the T-Wolves, who left the NBA team 7 years ago to play for the Boston Celtics.

It's like staring into Kevin James' future. Great work on getting the kids involved, though. Good to see they're not opposed to having some good old fashioned fun in Minnesota (I mean, it's winter, so it's probably like -90°F—they have to do SOMETHING to keep their spirits up).

This week, your inspiration comes in the eye-soothing form of Ms. Reyna Arriaga:

I guess warm welcomes from new friends ain't bad, either. Let's go.