Tail Report: Alyssa Loughran

Credit the Faded Industry folks for finding this local (Pittsburgh) girl, a fitness model and aspiring actress with my favorites: thighs and eyes.

...And booty. And boobs. And...everything. Including guns. I'm not sure which I want to do more: date her, or hire her to be my personal trainer. I'm guessing either one would probably kill me.

For more of Alyssa, show a Burgh gal some love by "liking" her official Facebook page.

Monday Kickstart: Drop It Like a Symphony

If there's one thing I love, it's a woman with class and sophistication.

From Cosmopolitan (TJ with the assist):

A video of Chicago-based burlesque performer Michelle L’Amour is having a well-deserved viral moment right now — because she’s twerking the shit out of some classical music. And it’s genius.

...She can have all my cash. And the credit cards. Fuck it babe, take my wallet.

In fact, Michelle, take the inspiration section of this week's Kickstart, too:

Let's go.

Lil Pharoah

Pharoah tho...

Throwback Thursday: "Oh Boy" -- Cam'Ron ft. Juelz Santana

Admittedly, posting a Cam'Ron video is more about spectacle than dope music. This track banged out every club and car speaker for a few months in 2002, for sure. But it and Cam carry as much substance as E!'s coverage of the Oscars' red carpet. Cam and Dipset were the Kardashians of hip-hop. You'll click play, you'll watch, you'll nod your head...but you'll hate yourself for it immediately afterward.

Monday Kickstart: Move, Bitch, Get Out the Way

Sasha Baron Cohen is the king of physical comedy.



Don't worry, she's not really dead.

Keeping with the British theme, this week's inspiration is also from across the pond. And Vanessa Knowles might be the tastiest thing to come from the British Isles since single malt scotch.

Let's go.

It's the Weekend

Time to be like Mike...

Split Decision

JCVD doesn't have nuts. He can't possibly. This is the work of a man who knows no reason to fear a torn scrotum.




My girl Steph with the assist.

Throwback Thursday: "Straighten It Out" -- Pete Rock & CL Smooth

Has there ever been a duo as legit as CL and Rock back in the early 90s?

Flight Time: Xavier Henry

RIP Jeff Withey.




And now, with the proper theme music:



TJ with the assist.

One-Man House Party

Jay Pharoah is quickly climbing up my list of "If you could spend a night at the bar with one person.." celebs. I've posted a lengthier play of his Will Smith impression, which is one of his best, but he absolutely kills the other three impressions here, too.

Monday Kickstart: Das Beat

I took three and a half years of German classes in high school, but only because the teacher was so bad that the classes were easy A's. I didn't learn much German beyond "Danke schoen" in those three-plus years, and I probably really only learned that from Ferris Bueller. So I'm not going to pretend I have the foggiest idea what the gents in Rakede, a group from Germany, are saying below. But damn it if these guys can't throw down on a beat.



This week's inspiration is sex wrapped in sex, though she prefers to be called Ashley Heinrichs:

Let's go.

Keepin' It Gangsta

Reach out and touch someone.



K Lew with the assist.

It's the Weekend

Time to pump the brakes...

Throwback Thursday: "Pump It Up" -- Joe Budden

The first single off Joey's first major label release. This shit came out 10 years ago. Fuck I'm old...

...or Nah?

Yuuppppp...

Man Rules

You want to be a man? Then memorize this list. Though, as I told K Lew when he sent me this link last week, I'm in violation of at least half of these on a daily basis. So I've got some work to do. Don't we all.

The whole list is worth a read, but here are some of my favorites:

• It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
  
  
• Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
  
  
• Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
  
  
• If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
  
  
• Time is too short to do your own laundry.
  
  
• When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  
  
• When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  
  
• Tip more than you should.
  
  
• Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
  
  
• You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.


Stay Classy, Boise

If only the female anchor's name was "Lanolin."

From UPROXX:

...I can’t say Idaho On Your Side sports director Paul Gerke’s Ron Burgundy costume was the BEST thing I saw on Halloween, but it’s certainly the costume with the best execution.

If you need proof, here’s Paul doing his entire sports recap (and the WEATHER!) as Will Ferrell’s legendary Anchorman character. Come get a taste.

Monday Kickstart: He Say, She Say

In case you're a normal person who isn't home watching TV late on a Saturday night, here's Kerry Washington and Jay Pharoah killing it.



This week's inspiration was a find by my homie Dupa. Her name is Karla Chacin, and she's fantabulous:

Let's go.

It's the Weekend

Time to roll on outta here...