Happy New Years, Bitches

Hope you're doing it up right (and responsibly) tonight. Hope your 2013 is all that and more. Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: Just Plane Dangerous

As if driving in Russia wasn't treacheroua enough, now motorists over there have planes coming at them. Watch the right side of the screen.




And now, for your New Year's inspiration, Ms. Sofia Vergara:

Every year should start off so MMMmm. Let's go.

Respect My Gangsta: Russell Simmons

At first, I was on the fence with this one. I've got a lifetime of respect for Russell, of course. But this photo is just begging to be clowned. Nevertheless, I can't hate. I can laugh all I want, but he's still the one loving life.

From The Huffington Post:

Talk about a drama-free divorce.

Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, 55, soaked up the sun with his 26-year-old girlfriend, Hana Nitsche, and his ex-wife Kimora Lee, 37, who both stunned in tiny bikinis

The trio, along with the former couple's daughters, enjoyed the beach in St Barths on Dec. 24. Simmons and Lee finalized their divorce in 2009, and they've stayed surprisingly close since the split.

I mean...Kimora's got 11 years on his current girl—who's no slacker—and she's still hotter. It's not even close. If he's working out menage-a-boogies with his ex-wife and his current girl, I think by rule everyone else on the planet has to stop lying on their pimp game.

In the Event of a Water Landing

Okay, two confessions:

(1.) My first thought while watching this was, "Psshhh... White people."
(2.) That sentiment came (mostly) from a jealous place.

Walk it Out

I bet right before she hits the start button on the treadmill, she's all like, "What's up? Whatcha got goin' on right there? Excercisin' on a treadmill, huh? Yeah, guess what: You're doing it wrong."

Throwback Thursday: "Where Was Heaven" -- Wu-Syndicate

Wu had a whole family of acts at one point. Although Wu-Syndicate started off with much promise on the strength of this, its debut track, they never really went anywhere.

Ho and Ho...

Merry Xmas from the folks at Crooked Straight. Hope you unwrap something fun this year.

Frosty the SnowmaaaaaoootherFUCKER!

Thoughts as I watched this:

1. I love New York women.
2. I love yoga pants (admittedly, those two thoughts came from the same scene...).
3. Guys in New York are light on their feet.
4. Seeing complete strangers getting the piss scared out of them has to get old eventually, but I have absolutely no idea when that day will come. It doesn't even feel like it's anywhere near being within shouting distance.

Throwback Thursday: "Word on the Street" -- Inspectah Deck

There was once a time when any new solo release by a member of the Wu was seen as a potential classic. That faded not long after Deck's "Uncontrolled Substance" made everyone realize that not every album by the Shaolin emcees was going to be a "Purple Tape". But, despite the rest of the disc being lackluster, this track still bumped better than most, and Deck keeps things moving along briskly.

Respect My Gangsta: Some Bloke in Brighton

There's a fella working in Brighton, England, who sets up the city's Christmas lights. And he absolutely hates his job. And he's an evil genius.

Monday Kickstart: Better Than Expected

Sometimes the best things in life aren't planned.


And sometimes the best things in life are Claire Sinclair:

Actually, most of the time the best things in life are Claire Sinclair. Let's go.

Cartoon Violence

Blah, blah, blah, bad conduct to endorse and/or condone, blah...

Now that that's out of the way...this is great. If I was King of the World, the law would say fighting in public is okay, so long as both parties are wearing goofy costumes during the encounter.


From Yardbarker:

The mascots for two Louisville high school basketball teams (Manuel High & Male High) brawled on the court during a meeting between the two schools last Friday. The two were supposed to engage in a friendly “duel” at midcourt during a break in the action, but it turned serious when one of the mascots tried to drop kick the other.

The packed gym roared as the two duked it out on the parquet before the game eventually resumed, but students of each respective school reportedly were in involved in fights in the parking lot after the game.

Fights in school and in parking lots, isn’t that the true spirit of high school?

I couldn't agree more. Now, can we move on to discussing why there's a high school in Kentucky called Male High?

Xmas List 2012: MollaSpace Playing Cards

Here's something for your balla-ass card table. The faces of these cards are transparent, allowing you to see straight through them; but the backs are still opaque, keeping your hand hidden.

This new and unique deck of cards is transparent, allowing one to see through the poker face images, but also magically hides the back graphics so no one can cheat!!

$10 is expensive when it comes to a deck of cards, so don't half ass it; don't go dealing out these bad boys on the broken down old folding card table that your grandparents gave to you when they were clearing junk from the 1950s out their garage. These cards are for those sipping-cognac-from-big-ass-snifters-and-smoking-Cubans nights.

Or the playing-strip-poker-with-some-smoking-Cubans nights...

Monday Kickstart: Homey Don't Play That

You can tell me this will get old some day. But I won't believe you. I'll never believe you.

Other things that will never get old: selfies...Leola Bell...selfies by Leola Bell...

Yup. Let's go.

The Cool Kids

"The pep rally gonna be sick, though."

You wish your favorite NFL team was as cool as the Houston Texans. From Shutdown Corner:

When the Houston Texans travel to meet the New England Patriots this weekend, they'll look a bit like something right out of "Friday Night Lights." That's because every Texans player will be wearing custom-made letterman jackets, with the Texans' logo, each player's number, and each player's position.

Defensive tackle Shaun Cody came up with the idea, and told his good friend, linebacker Connor Barwin. They brought Jay Brunetti, the team's director of equipment services, on board, and the Houston Texans letterman jacket was born. Brunetti put them in touch with a local company called Bull Shirts, who were able to get the jackets done on short notice.

My buddy T.C. may feel a bit pissed hearing this news; several years ago he struck upon the idea for a letterman jacket party, where everyone partied wearing their high school threads. He and Dupa set up a party at a small sports bar, and 20 or so of us showed up in letterman jackets and high school regalia, and spent the night sharing war stories and decades-old bragging rights over beers and shots.

But he never thought to really capitalize financially.

The idea is simply brilliant. As Doug Farrar at Shutdown points out, the potential for apparel companies to cash in is limitless; but, beyond that, this is the type of signature moment the Texans have needed: something that makes them catch in the mind of NFL fans. Every team aspiring to become a new power player needs that. The Texans have worked hard to prove on the field that they deserve to be considered among the NFL's elite. Now they look the part when off the field, too. Their cool has finally caught up.

Yuletide X

I know this is old by now. It sucks having a job where I'm too busy to get stuff like this posted in a timely fashion. On the other hand, in today's economy, simply having a job is a godsend.

Credit due to TJ, who sent this to me earlier this week when it blew up. The only way this clip could have been better, would have been if it had ended with X shouting "Merry FUCKING Christmas!" over gunshots.

Lost and Found

"The goat! The goat, you bastard!"

Like a Glove!

If there's anything more stereotypical than this German guy's haircut, someone please let me know.

Monday Kickstart: RAWRing Back

Yes, I know it’s now Tuesday night. I’m a C.P.T. All-Star.



Actually, I have a legitimate excuse for my delay. This week I began working for a brand new organization, and between the extra focus required to get things running smoothly and the untested-waters of our management’s internet-use policies, I’ve steered clear of much of the internet and social media during working hours. Fear not, though, dear reader: I hope to keep bringing you nonsense such as the above, and much more, for years to come.

And now, the inspiration that has been so lacking in your week thus far, Ms. Sandy Garza:

I think you’ll agree, ladies and gentlemen, that she’s well worth the wait. Let’s go.