World's Douchiest Principal

I remember hating my principals and vice principals when I was in middle school and high school. But as much as we hated them, we at least respected their authority. This apparently isn't the case at the high school where truTV's "Principal's Office" is filmed. I'm not even sure if this vice principal realizes how bad these two kids just clowned him.

Props to Iso for the find.

Download: Skillz "2009 Rap-Up"

Skillz has dropped his annual lyrical summary of the year in hip-hop. Nice refresher of all the craziness that went down in 2009, including the inauguration of our first black prez.

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Let's get it in 2010.

Happy Holidays from Crooked Straight

Hope everyone found exactly what they wanted under the tree this year. Cheers.

Aaliyah: "Miss You"

I hadn't seen this in a few years, and watching it took me back. This may be the one and only instance of a music video surpassing the song it features in raw emotion and overwhelming sentiment. The depth and breadth of star power who turn out (sports stars, hip-hop stars, R&B stars, movie stars, TV personalities, you name it) is, quite simply, amazing. DMX's opening words, and the mournful silence that almost swallows them, are powerful and commanding; the unspoken—and only briefly displayed—sadness of Timbaland is moving; and Missy Elliot's resolute-in-knowing-a-friend-is-in-a-better-place determination to celebrate her girl's life—instead of crying for her death—is heartwarming.

Rest in peace, Aaliyah.

XARM: Holy Shhhh...

I'm not the biggest boxing fan, and I care even less about the UFC and it's MMA brethren. But this...this is just fascinating.

Props to my boys at Daddy's Sugar Ball for the find.

Escaped Con Facebooks

I'm all for making cops look foolish, and Craig Lynch has turned it into an art form. Not only did he manage to escape from a prison, but he is now regularly updating his status on Facebook while on the lam. All to the chagrin of the police, who are still unable to catch him.

Craig Lynch, 28, escaped Hollesley Bay open prison near Suffolk, eastern England, back in September, but has continued to update his Facebook status regularly -- describing everything from his meals to who his next girlfriend will be.

"mmm i just had a 12lb venison steak. Roasted veg and chips, bangin meal. I feel stuffed but still got room for the j.d's . Hope you enjoyed the meal babe's. We'll have to eat here again" Lynch wrote on his wall.

In another posting from earlier this week Lynch wrote "Is thinkin, which lucky girl will be my first of 2010!!."

Bravo, sir. It's a thin line that lies between stupidity and daring, and you are toeing it beautifully.

Jamie-Lynn and Turtle Split Up (like, for real this time...)

In "news" that likely surprises very few people, life has imitated art as Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Jerry Ferrara have ended their relationship. The two began dating soon after Jamie-Lynn began a series of guest appearances—as herself—on "Entourage," on which Ferrara plays the lovable weedhead flunky-turned-college student Turtle. As reported by People:

"They're busy with their careers, and she in particular has a couple of movies out in 2010, and others in the works for 2011, so it's just tough," a source who knows the couple tells PEOPLE.

"It's ironic, because in the recent season finale of Entourage, Jamie tells Turtle that she has to go to New Zealand to shoot a movie, and it causes problems, so it's ironic but that's what their lives are like."

Personally, I think Jamie-Lynn just glanced in the mirror one day and realized how insanely hot she is. Then she looked over at Turtle Jerry and did the math. Just a theory.

Call me, babygirl.

Baby Momma Fail

This story broke back in March, but I somehow missed it until last night when I read about it in Playboy Magazine's "The Year in Sex" review.

Whiteland, Indiana's Michelle Owen, involved in a custody dispute with an ex, asked police to search her computer for evidence he had downloaded child pornography. Cops found no porn but discovered two videos of Owen engaging in illicit sexual performances with her beagle. She's now facing bestiality charges for the activities, which are said to have involved peanut butter.

And, as if she needed to further prove her stupidity to us, there is the following excerpt from a Dallas-Fort Worth area news article on the story:

After she was arrested, police asked if she wanted to withdraw her consent of the search of her laptop. She answered no, because she still wanted to see if her boyfriend had done something wrong.

Once again, evidence that you should have to apply for a license before being permitted to have children.

Tila Similac?

Tila Tequila announced today via Twitter that she is going to be a surrogate mom for her brother and his wife. [I honestly don't know which individual part of that sentence is more insane than the others.]

The news comes as an early Christmas gift to her family — she says she’s already with child.

“That is my xmas present to them,” she continued. “Im pregnant!!!!”

What a family. You would like to think her brother could have found a more...maternal woman to pull surrogate duties. I mean, he's actually met his sister before, right?

The full article can be found here.

Your Own Piece of the Tiger Scandal

Download: Joell Ortiz "Road Kill" Mixtape

Sendspace Link

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Rihanna on the Cover of GQ

Yessir...



Almost enough to make me get a subscription.

The Perfect Gift

Do financial troubles and the holidays have you stressed out? Hopefully someone will love you enough to give you a Handjob this Christmas.

Leslie Chow Soundboard

Bored on this Monday morning? Kill some time with Mr. Chow from "The Hangover."

What Not To Do With a Short Stack

Here's an interesting piece of strategy by Erick Lindgren on Full Tilt:

When you’re on the extreme short stack in a tournament, there isn’t always a “right” decision to make. You’ll find yourself in a lot of marginal spots, such as holding an A-9 off-suit in early position or maybe holding a small pair when someone in front of you has already raised. With those hands, it’s never clear whether the better move is to shove and cross your fingers or just fold and wait for a better spot.

There are, however, some very “wrong” decisions to make when you’re on the extreme short stack, and I saw one of them on display in a tournament I played on Full Tilt Poker a short time ago.

We were at the final table of a tournament with six players remaining, the blinds were 50K/100K with a 10K ante and I was the chip leader with more than 8,000,000 in chips. The average stack was about 3,000,000, and the player directly to my right was the shortest stack by far with 811,000.

When you have eight big blinds, which in this case wasn’t even enough chips for four revolutions around the table, the logic is simple: You only enter a pot voluntarily if you have cards that you’re willing to go all the way with pre-flop.

On this hand, the short stack entered the pot for a raise to 250,000 under the gun. The fact that he didn’t just move all in suggested he was being a little bit tricky. He could have had a monster, or he could have just been trying to make it look like he had a monster. A lot of players will make that play with a hand like J-10 suited, hoping other players might call but not re-raise, allowing them to see a flop. But it’s not a play I endorse. When you’re down to eight big blinds, you should be playing all-in-or-fold poker.

In any case, I picked up a strong hand, A-Q off-suit. I just went ahead and moved in my stack, figuring if someone behind me has a bigger hand, so be it, but I wanted to isolate and try to eliminate the short stack.

And this was when my opponent made an even worse play than raising small under the gun: He folded to my re-raise.

There was 1,270,000 in the pot and it would have cost him 561,000 to call. Folding was simply the wrong play. He should have called with any two cards. He had already committed too much money to the pot to fold his hand. If he was getting cute with a medium suited connector, then he was only about a 60-40 underdog. If he was playing a weak ace, then technically he wasn’t getting the right odds to call, but he would need to know for a fact that he’s dominated in order to correctly lay his hand down.

And it’s important to note that I was the big stack and I’d been very active. He didn’t necessarily have to give me credit for a premium hand.

By folding, my opponent left himself with only 561,000 in chips, less than six big blinds, and the big blind was going to be on him the next hand. He was going to be forced to take a stand, but he would be doing so for a lot less money than would have been the case on the previous hand. Instead of trying his luck against me for a pot of more than 1.8-million, a double-up on the next hand would only increase his stack to 1.2-million.

The lesson is simple: When you’re extremely short-stacked, raising and then folding pre-flop shouldn’t be an option. Either a hand is good enough to play for all of your chips, or you throw it into the muck. The worst thing you can do is attempt something in between those two extremes.

Video: 50 Cent "Do You Think About Me?" ft. Tahiry & Vivica Fox

I have to say 50 is just clowning in this video. I don't know how much he had to pay Vivica to appear like a psycho ex in this or if he's hittin Tahiry (Joe Budden's ex) on the regular, but I'm not mad at him.

Daily Dunk: Jeremy Lin

You see that last name? Not only is this guy Asian and not only is he on HARVARD, but he shatted on UCONN on his way to 30 points. All my Asians stand up!!

Download: Kidz in the Hall "Professional Leisure Tour" EP

Flash download from LRG site

New BBC Hoody

I know it's cold as fuck where you're at so here's an expensive as fuck hoody to rock in the cold weather.

BBC

Just add mud

Whoever thought of this is ... well maybe not a genius, but very perverted: Brazilian women boxing on roller skates. Need I say more? Oowwee.

FSU's Zebrie Sanders: Frozen in time

This is ridiculous. This man actually did this in a big collegiate football game. WTF?



Big Time with the assist.

Download: Em1nem "R3fill" album

For all you smart asses, I didn't use the numeric letters because I'm 15, I did it to avoid getting sued by Eminem. Yeah, Snoop and Jay-Z already have pending lawsuits against us so I decided to switch it up this time.



Zshare download link

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Tiger and his hoes

I can say for sure that the first picture is a false mistress of Tiger. The rest, I'm not so sure. Here's the list of the seven breezies that claimed they've had some Tiger dip, along with my personal summary of each:

Rachel Uchitel - I believe that this is the broad that started the firestorm. IMO not worth the trouble that has unwinded for the greatest black golfer of all-time. Uchitel has also dated Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, but she's not a groupie or anything.


Jamiee Grubbs - Allegedly had a 31-month affair with Earl and that affair included a sex tape that has been destroyed, according to Grubbs' ex-man. Still, I expect more from you Tiger.


Jamie Jungers - Las Vegas "model" who allegedly had a 2-year affair with Woods. Slightly better, IMO.


Kalika Moquin - Las Vegas marketing manager who denies the affair. Ehh. Again, not good enough for you Tiger.


Cori Rist - Just regular chick Tiger met at the club and she's avoided all the infamy with a private Myspace profile.


Mindy Lawton - Interestingly, the only picture I could find of Mindy was a mugshot. Now we're talking Tiger. On a sidenote, according to Lawton, Woods is quite the lover. He is "very well endowed" and "knows his way around the bedroom. On a scale of ten I would give him 12," she tells News of the World.


Holly Sampson - This 36-year-old pornstar has appeared in 85 racy titles such as Descent Into Bondage and Diary of a Horny Housewife -- Wait -- PORNSTAR?


What's the over-under on the amount of chicks that say they slept with Tiger? 1000? I'm setting it at 500. How are these chicks gonna start proving that they were with him?

And an even better question that every celebrity man out there is afraid of -- Will random mistresses just start to come out and expose married men left and right? Yikes.

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Nike Air Griffey Max 1 Grey Teal

Safe to say I'm getting tired of Nike bringing back authentic shoes with unauthentic colorways, but these are pretty sick seeing that they still incorporate the Mariners colors.







No release date yet.

via kixandthecity

Bulls Get Laced

And now, for something totally non-Tiger Woods-related:

If you're a Chicago Bulls fan, you probably don't want to watch this. Just how bad was the team's effort against the Toronto Raptors Saturday night? Raptor's PG Jarrett Jack had time to stop and tie his sneaks during live play.

Ouch.

SNL's Take on Tiger

Great work by Kenan Thompson and Saturday Night Live's writers in this skit.

The Hypocrisy of the Tiger Saga

I guess it was only a matter of time before I felt “compelled” to offer my views on the whole Tiger story. Like others around the country, I’ve laughed and/or marveled at some of the more salacious and comical details that have come about for our consumption. But while discussing the thoughts voiced by Bill Simmons’ wife in Simmons' weekly column with TJ, I had a thought that seemingly few others have had—which is sad. The thought being this: I hate that Tiger is being so vilified for his “transgressions,” while Elin is seemingly being deemed innocent—or even worse, justified—for attacking him with a golf club.

First, is he right for cheating? This is really more of a philosophical question, but the standard "easy" answer is no. But is he human? He's a world-famous athlete, traveling the globe and making billions. Honestly, what I find surprising is that people are surprised at all that this happened. Women—especially the cheap-yet-undeniably-alluring variety that has him in this mess—throw themselves at him on a daily basis. I would wager a fair amount of my yearly income that some even do it in the presence of his wife. Slores will be slores. Personally I had hoped that it would be the type of high profile marriage where the wife just lets a few indiscretions slide, so long as the superstar hubby is honest, safe, and not making babies all around the world. And not disgracing her by letting stories of his bootycalls get played out in tabloids and Sportscenter segments. Not that a woman that understanding is common, just saying. And this brings into mind an interesting side point: had Elin not taken the actions that she did with that 3 iron, would we have ever found out about Tiger’s liaisons? Perhaps, but certainly not in the embarrassingly grandioso fashion that we now have.

Second, let's reverse this entire scenario: Let's say authorities get called to their house because Elin has wrecked their SUV into a hydrant and tree. And reports then roll in that Tiger is suspected to have chased her with his club and broken out the back window of the truck, causing the accident. The result? Tiger is instantly crucified the second this scene plays in the mass population's minds, especially given the racial makeup of the two participants. Now add the late-breaking revelation that all of it started because Elin was getting her plumbing worked on by other guys while Tiger was on the road. Would the media scrutiny of Tiger's actions suddenly stop? Would columnists and husbands around the country begin hailing him as a hero? Would wives of PGA players release statements about what a whore Elin is, and how badly they feel for Tiger to have to be married to her?

None of that would happen. And it's a shameful double standard that we hardly blink at in this cut-&-dry world in which we live. Poor little blonde woman gets cheated on by big meanie hubby. She’s a lauded heroine, he’s a despicable lout. She’s Tina, he’s Ike. If there really are any victims here, it’s Tiger and Elin’s children, which may sound somewhat cliché. But now they have to grow up with the world knowing that they have a crazy mother prone to violent overreactions, and a daddy who likes his occasional cocktail waitress (yet doesn’t have enough common sense to do his dirt cleverly). Thankfully, I think they’ll be able to afford some therapy sessions to erase all of the “damage”. Or they’ll just, you know, …get over it and move on.

If only the rest of us could do the same.

Tiger's Voicemail

Here's the recently-released voicemail that a very guilty-sounding man named Tiger left for Jaimee Grubbs, an LA cocktail waitress.

I think the most disappointing thing about this is that Tiger didn't use a high-pitched Mack voice when talking to this slore.

The Chinese Cracked the Case

Granted, I don't speak or read either Mandarin or Cantonese, so I don't know just what is being said in this video. But the dramatization/animation of the Tiger Woods accident is just too good to pass up.

Good looks go to O.C. at 99.3 KISSFM in Harrisburg for the find.



Update: The video was produced by a Taiwanese news channel, not a Chinese one.

Fun with the neighborhood crackhead

As shown below, $20 can go a long way during the recession. Not sure I could withstand this punch for $20.



Dallas Kid with the assist.