Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Never Too Old

This starts a little slow, but once they get down the basics, these seniors take off with it.



I hate dancing, as a general rule. I've never understood the need to dance at clubs, weddings, etc. You mean I got showered and dressed up only to get all sweaty from jumping around? Can't we just sit/stand here and get drunk instead?

The only time dancing is acceptable is when it's hilarious and/or adorable. So basically, if it's being done by little kids or by senior citizens. And that's it.

Of course, if this week's inspiration, Sheilinha, wants to dance around, I won't be mad about it.


Let's go.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Whatevs



It’s been too long since I’ve let my brain loose. I’ve spent weeks, months caging it in spreadsheets, business plans, and emails. In Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat—even Google+. Cruelty, thy name is a computer screen.

Ironic, then, that I’m curing that with…another computer screen. Whatever. This is free-form writing. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Of course, free-form writing has now been co-opted by blogging. I blog, but typically do so with a set purpose. A subject, some opinions about said subject, maybe a funny video or a scintillating picture to support said opinions about said subject… I’ve lived in that wheelhouse for years now. Sure, it gets lonely on weekends and the landlord hasn’t fixed the leaky roof, but… Whatever. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Boredom is to blame for this rare, random break from the mundane normality of—and, as some might point out, scarce population of—this blog. I’m bored on a Thursday night. Of course, you could replace “Thursday” in that sentence with any of the other six days, and you’d probably still be right. Welcome to your late thirties. Life starts to feel like a warning message to the 20somethings around you.

“The end is nigh! Enjoy the late night booty calls, lack of worry about…anything, and feeling like the envy of the rest of the world!”

Sounds like fun, right? Ah, what am I talking about. No 20somethings are sitting at a computer screen reading this right now. You’re all out tweeting your twerkers and Tindering your Instagrams. Damn kids.

Me, I’m sipping a glass of bourbon and sitting here. Wondering what’s next. Maybe I’ll just go watch the news. Whatever. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Stiff Competition

Welp, I'm moving to China.

From Playboy:
This Chinese game show starts with two women hitting the streets in search of contestants–each carrying a rubber chicken, because why not. Once the men have been chosen, they’re taken to a competition stage where each woman gives a hand job and the first man to…finish, wins.


My question is, what happens to the guy who loses? Do they just leave him like that? Don't they know guys can die from blue balls? I mean, that's just science.

(Maybe they send them to Japan to compete in a consolation game.)

Throwback Thursday: "I Want You" — Thalia ft. Fat Joe

Sure, it's pop-y, papi. But Thalia is adorable. And this is a solid summer cookout/block party jam to get everyone's feet moving.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Feel the Excitement

The only thing that could possibly make the USA's win in last night's Women's World Cup final better is a Mexican play-by-play announcer. Thankfully, NBC Deportes has just that.



I wish all announcers had that kind of passion for the games they call. Can you imagine Al Michaels losing his shit on Sunday Night Football when Odell Beckham, Jr. does this? Or Doc Emrick pounding his chest and screaming every time Evgeni Malkin snaps a wristshot past a goalie? Well, that one kind of already happens. But you get my point. Passion is what makes sports so exciting. And Mexican announcers have that in spades.

Speaking of "Mexicans" and "passion," this week's inspiration is the world's favorite meteorologist, Yanet Garcia:


Let's go.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Race Bait

What if the biased stance, the pointed rhetoric, and the loaded questions were all focused on the white side of the spectrum?

Chris Hayes is a national treasure for this.



Props go to my buddy GG for bringing this clip to my attention by posting it on Facebook. The comment immediately after mine in the resulting thread was an older white woman of some familiarity with GG (who is also white). Her response? "People do crazy thing when in a crowd..regardless of their skin color".

I think that's the first time that someone missing the point has simultaneously served to highlight the point.

Throwback Thursday: "Tru Master" — Pete Rock ft. Inspectah Deck & Kurupt

For this '98 track off Soul Survivor, his first solo studio album, Pete Rock teamed up with two of the most brilliant—but least heralded—emcees in the game. Deck's star often got outshined by his Wu brethren, and Kurupt was perpetually deep in Snoop and Dre's shadows. But each of these two men were well equipped to spit straight fire, and took full advantage of the opportunity that Pete Rock handed to them.


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Too Real

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go back in time and talk to your former self? Well, if technology ever gives you the chance to do it...maybe you shouldn't.


Monday, June 29, 2015

Monday Kickstart: Spit That Hot Fiyah

WHY'S SHIA GOT MORE FLOW THAN IGGY, THO?



When Mondays strike, you always know you can count on Shia doing some Shia shit. You may not know exactly what that Shia shit will be, but you know it will be straight Shia. Coincidentally, I'm beginning to think "Shia" is Hebrew for "cray."

You can also count on Candace Rae making your jaw drop:


Let's go.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "Shook Ones" — Mobb Deep

If you don't know this one, there's no hope for you youngin'. "You're all up in the game and don't deserve to be a player."


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Animal Behavior

I can't stop watching this. This guy's a straight g with it. That transition back to normal conversation is priceless.



My girl Steph with the assist.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Mother Nature's a Dick

If you're going to film yourself doing just about anything on the beach, you'd better keep one eye on the shoreline. Mother Nature ain't to be trusted.


When the Fur Flies...

From the Daily Mail:
This incredible video captures the moment a sleeping cat woke up to a nightmare after discovering it was flying through the air thousands of feet from the ground.

The black and white moggy had crawled into the wing of an open-cockpit glider - thinking it would be an ideal place for a nap.

But after two people took the aircraft out for a flying session, the cat can be seen crawling along the surface of the wing before emerging in the cockpit in terrified confusion.


Thankfully, the cat made it home safe. The look on its face when he first emerges in the cockpit, though, is fantastic.

TJ with the assist.

Monday Kickstart: Faster Than You Think

*sigh* It's a good thing she's pretty.



When I saw the description of this video, I was certain this girl would be less than 10 years old. Who older than that can't answer that question? [...when they're sober, that is. Catch me late on a Saturday of day drinking and I might stumble a little too.] This somehow feels worse than the girl who couldn't figure out how far you'd go in an hour if you're traveling 60 mph. At least that chick tried to apply some logic, as hilariously flawed as said logic might have been. I feel like "60 mph girl" would ruin the curve for "80 mph girl."

Speaking of curves, this week's inspiration is Ms. Anastasiya Kvitko, whose beauty and figure render all math problems irrelevant:



привет там, красивая. Let's go.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Because Science!

I'm sure that you, like me, have often sat around your home thinking, "What would it look like if I shot gummy bears out of a giant air cannon at a beautiful woman's butt and filmed it all at 5000 frames per second?"

I mean, quite frankly this is one of the greater mysteries of the modern world. Thankfully, we now have empirical evidence to study. And study. And study. And study some more...


Thursday, June 18, 2015

Throwback Thursday: "1999" — Common ft. Talib Kweli & Sadat X

This track's so good. I can't believe I'd forgotten about it before finding it again last night. These words just need to be played. And this beat...oh my gawd.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Darwin Was Right

Anyone harassing a horse—from behind, no less—is just wasting good oxygen that could be going to the more deserving living things on this planet.



Guess he didn't want that hat...?

Monday, June 15, 2015

Monday Kickstart: It's All in the Wrist

If this doesn't perfectly sum up Mondays...



I guess Frisbees are new in Bosnia. Of course, that would make the Frisbee the only "new" thing in this video. I can't tell if this was shot 20 years ago, or if that's just how Bosnia looks. The pumping Euro-techno beat isn't helping, either.

Maybe that wasn't actually music, though. Maybe that loud thumping was just my blood pressure, thanks to this week's inspiration, Ms. Arianna Varella:


Let's go.