Tuesday Kickstart: Bieber Don't Want None of Key

Justin Bieber can act as swaggy-bro-tough as he wants. But he's going to have to stop getting punked by every other person on the planet before anyone believes it.

From Kobi at 93.9 KISS FM in Raleigh, NC:

Former NFL star and ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson chased down a speeding Justin Bieber this weekend -- and tried to confront the singer about his dangerous driving habits -- but JB ran away like a scared little child ... eyewitnesses tell TMZ. Sources tell us ... Keyshawn had just left a party Sunday night inside of his exclusive gated community in Calabasas (with his child in the car), when Bieber zoomed by in his Ferrari at breakneck speeds. We're told Keyshawn was furious -- feeling Justin could've killed someone -- so he brought his kid home, then chased after the singer in his Prius (yes, a Prius chasing a Ferrari). When KJ got to Bieber's pad -- he blocked Justin's Ferrari in the driveway and got out of his car to confront Justin face-to-face ... but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out.

Out of all the comedy in this story, there's a piece of irony that strikes me especially humorous: Key's biggest flaw as a player was his speed. And now he (a.) drives a Prius, and (b.) is upset with other people going too fast.

That said, fuck Bieber.

This week's post is coming a day later, thanks to Memorial Day and my inability to lift hand to keyboard yesterday morning. Which means all of you had to go an extra day before being treated to this week's inspiration, the lovely Ms. Valerie Mason:

I'm sorry for inconveniencing you like that. No one should have to go that long without her. Let's go.