Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Quick and off-the-wall video from the folks at Funny Or Die. Good for some LOLs on a day marked with sad news.

My boy Garrett with the find.

RIP Patrice O'Neal

Sad news breaking today that O'Neal, one of the comedy world's most underrated talents, has passed away at the age of 41.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

No One Would Riot for Less

You may have seen the video by now, but in case you haven't:

That is a crowd of Wal-Mart shoppers in Arkansas losing their shit over $2 waffle makers on Black Friday. ...Let me state that again. This human feeding frenzy is scrambling, clawing, and climbing over one another for waffle makers. As much as I want to sit back and enjoy the comedy of this clip (and oh, it's there: the accents, the indiscriminate ass cracks; the irony that a waffle maker—of all things—can simultaneously be so invaluable as to only cost $2, and yet so precious that people are willing to sacrifice life and limb for it; the crosssing-the-streams result of putting together "Arkansas" and "Wal-Mart" in the same sentence...), I just keep coming back to one thought: This is why the world hates America.

There are a lot of countries where this type of scene happens more than once a year. But, instead of cheap kitchen appliances that are about as essential to daily life as an anniversary gift is to Kim Kardashian, the people are figthing over food and water. How embarrassed would you be as an American to have to sit next to someone from Darfur as they watch that clip?

I love this nation of ours. But, what I don't love, is the entitled state of mind that we've fallen into. Priorities are no longer a priority. Common sense was shot on the side of the road and left to die the day Fox News' gang of buffoons decided to label Common Sense as a cop-killing gangsta rapper. One of my friends, in arguing against the merits of the #OccupyWallStreet movement, said that the Civil Rights movement never achieved anything, either.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Cougars Love Pepper

...Just ask Megyn Kelly, she of the perpetually non-factual television network, Fox "News".

From New York Magazine's Daily Intel blog:
Last night on Fox News, anchor Megyn Kelly joined Bill O'Reilly to assess just how much the protesters at UC Davis deserved to get pepper-sprayed while staging a nonviolent protest last week. "First of all, pepper spray — that just burns your eyes, right?" O'Reilly asks Kelly, the legal (and apparently chemical) expert. "It's like a derivative of actual pepper," she responds. "It's a food product, essentially."

...One of the hit protesters told Boing Boing two days later, "I still have a burning sensation in my throat, lips and nose, especially when I start coughing, or when I'm lying in bed. Everyone who got sprayed has sustained effects like this." Sounds delicious.
That an empty talking head from Fox News is on the record as saying something so incredibly stupid and blindly unsubstantiated is certainly neither earth-shattering nor, in fact, post-worthy.

This picture inspired by Kelly's absurdity, however, is:

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Head Games

Rajon Rondo, off his forehead to Rudy Gay at a charity game. Yup.

TJ with the assist.

Tail Report: Yasmin

She DJs. She sings. She looks delish from every angle. She's Yasmin, a 22-year-old talent from England who has worked with Eve, N.E.R.D., and Taio Cruz.

She's my new crush. And soon to be yours as well.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Throwback Thursday: "Down 4 U" -- Ja Rule ft. Vita, Charli Baltimore, & Ashanti

I know, I know, I know... Ja Rule and his series of R&B-esque hip-hop ballads are an easy target, one I've fired shots at in the past. But I'm going to give this one a pass...at least for now. This was a prime track for several reasons:

(1.) The laid back beat is a nice change-up pitch, and allows the track to waft over you like a cool ocean breeze.
(2.) A beach-themed video filled with video vixens and aspiring models in bikinis is always a #win.
(3.) Vita's entrance kills. And ever since her scene in Belly...well, there's been a special place in my heart for her.
(4.) Charli Baltimore's whole verse kills.
(5.) Ashanti is just ridiculous, from eyes to thighs.

Sizzlin' Sheets

This may be the best thing to happen to sex since the invention of Sasha Grey. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with: BACON. FLAVORED. LUBE.

Yes, this is real. No, you're not dreaming. Yes, I can wait a few minutes while you recover.




All good?

Okay. Now a few words from the creators of this masterpiece in engineering.
Before you start giving meat-flavored massages, we have one small admission to make - baconlube began as an elaborate April Fool's prank and was never intended to be a real product. But when the joke ended, the emails kept coming. People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built.

So who's responsible for this highly anticipated creation actually coming to life? You are, that's who. You and an intern named Martin actually, who sacrificed and offended his taste buds in the name of science on sample after failed sample before this really did taste like bacon.

We'll make no judgments about why you want this or what you want to do with it, but baconlube is here and it's real for a limited time. Keep It Sizzlin'.
And yes, I've ordered a bottle. If any ladies would like to help me do some product testing, hit me on Twitter.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

In Case You Were Wondering...

...Mila Kunis is still D-to-the-LISH.

And not only that, but she's still one of the most levelheaded people in the business. From The Huffington Post:
Named the magazine's "Knockout of the Year," the title could just as easily have been bestowed for her candid statements about Hollywood, too. While many stars spend their time in interview after interview pitching their integrity and devotion to the finest aspects of film, Kunis is realistic about how she makes her living.

“I love what I do, but my theory is that it's people who doubt what they do and want to prove it to you, they're like 'It's art. I create art. It's art, art, art,'" she tells the magazine in their new issue. "I'm like, Holy sh*t, are you f*cking kidding me? I run around and pretend I'm someone else for twelve hours; I record 'Family Guy' [she voices Meg]. Then I get to go home and watch 'Jersey Shore.'"
"Keep doing ya thing/ While I work on copping this ring"...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

D Rose with the Steal?

Interesting rumor floating around that Derrick Rose laughed in a hooker's face instead of paying her for her...services.

From Nurize (via Boxden):
Reigning NBA MVP Derrick Rose just got put on blast by a popular ESCORT hooker named Bee. According to BEE via Twitter, DRose stiffed one of her friends… And when it was over, she asked Derrick for payment and allegedly Rose “laughed” in the prostitute’s face and told her that he wasn’t paying
TJ is, of course, playing the "good wife" on this one and defending his man-crush to the end. Personally, I think this story has a little bit of merit. True, Rose isn't known for being the type of guy to hire hookers, let alone skip out on the bill. But I see little reason for "BEE" to lie on this, since there wouldn't be much she could gain aside from some minor publicity (which isn't all that great of a thing when you consider that her livelihood depends on law enforcement people not knowing what her livelihood is).

And, really, is it such a stretch of the imagination that Rose could have been at a club, casino, hotel, etc., and pulled a ridiculously hot chick; then, after they did the damn thing, she piped up and said "That'll be $3000"? We've certainly seen it happen in TV and movies enough times to make it all the more likely that some female of subpar intelligence would actually try pulling off this Looney-Tunes-for-adults-worthy ploy. And if you were D Rose in this (albeit hypothetical) situation, what would be your response? Would you pay her? Hell no. You'd probably just get dressed, laugh at the broad, and walk out the door.

Whether he legitimately stole from this chickenhead or not, at least Rose is finding a way to keep himself in shape during the lockout.

My boy Iso with the assist.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Gay Mafia?

I've got mad respect for Fat Joe for expressing a tolerant viewpoint in this Vlad TV interview, which is something that the world could always use more of. But saying there's a "gay mafia" in hip-hop? That sounds a little loco, papi. Don't know if I'd go that far.

Then again, he's a 20+ year vet in the game, and I'm...me. Maybe he knows something I don't.

Chest Thumped

Be careful with kickers, they're fragile.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Heavy Hearts

TMZ is reporting that hip-hop icon Heavy D (real name: Dwight Arrington Myers) has passed away at the age of 44. Tragic news for one of my generation's most cherished artists and personalities. Today we lost one of the "good guys", in both the entertainment world and the "real" world. R.I.P. Heavy.

Tail Report: Nicole Lyons

I love me a beautiful woman. This is public knowledge. But what makes a woman exceptional? When she brings something more to the table than just a pretty face and a tight frame. This is the bonus plan you get with Nicole.

From Life + Times:
Some people were born to go fast. Drag racer Nicole Lyons is one of them. Lyons is a serious contender in multiple divisions for the National Hot Rod Association as a pro-stock driver. She is the first African-American woman to compete in the NHRA. On a good day, Lyon flies across the finish line of the quarter-mile in less than five seconds in her pro-mod ’69 Camaro that boasts over 3,000 horsepower. “You’re talking about the fastest motorsport in the world,” she says. “It’s an incredible rush and amazing thing to go that fast.”

In a few precious seconds, she has to steer, shift the car and make sure her parachute is pulled. “If anything is going wrong, in the blink of an eye I have to correct it,” she says. “If we were to wreck in one of these cars, it could be the end of it.” It all comes down to lightening fast responses.
Nicole's star is unquestionably on the rise. Does being a pretty face inflate her popularity and visibility? Of course. But she has the skills to back up the hype. She's ride or die.

Just the type of thing you'd expect from an exceptional woman.

RIP Smoking Joe

Friday, November 4, 2011

Just Plane Wrong

Erin Andrews is attractive--I'm not contesting that fact. But people insist on consistently overrating her looks. She's "met a nice girl at the grocery store" hot, not Playboy Playmate hot. Hell, she's not even video vixen hot, and most "video vixens" would kill to be a Playboy Playmate.

And I find it hard to believe that any woman would be fine enough to make a guy feel the need to rub one out while sitting next to her in a public place.

From The Huffington Post:
Keith Clinkscales, a former ESPN executive, is fighting allegations that he once masturbated next to network correspondent Erin Andrews on a plane.

...According to [Deadspin blogger A.J.] Dalerio's source, Clinkscales had been reportedly sitting next to Andrews on a plane when she saw him masturbating underneath his iPad. When he realized that she had seen him, he "panicked and muttered, 'You know, I'm one of your bosses.'"
This almost sounds like it could have been written by the people who made "Seinfeld". But the one truly brilliant thing to come from this story is a statement made by Clinkscales' lawyer.
According to the Daily, his lawyer called the idea of masturbating underneath an iPad "ridiculous" and said, "I’m thinking of bringing a defamation suit on behalf of his penis."
I might just have to put this lawyer on retainer.

It's Friday

Time to rethink your strategy...

From Yahoo! News

Thursday, November 3, 2011