Wednesday, January 13, 2016

If I Win This Powerball I'm Going To Be Petty As Fuck

So this Powerball shit is now (as of 1/13/16) 1.3 BILLION dollars. With that kind of windfall most of us have wondered what we would do if we won that type of money. Truth is, most of us are going to be broke and tap dancing for nickels within 2 years. Whether it be from M.C. Hammeritis (being too fucking generous) or thinking money has suddenly made us into Warren Buffet (over-estimating our own business savvy) we gonna blow through that shit like that chick I dated who told me she blew a basketball team.

But for shits and giggles this is what I would do if I won

  1. I would go to work and blast the loudest, crazy hyped up, nastiest, angry, ridiculous hip hop.I'm talking Love In Your Mouth (, Down Bottom (, Neva Eva ( etc etc and dare a motherfucka to say some shit.
  2. I would go to the nearest dealership and buy a Bugatti JUST SO I CAN SNAPCHAT MYSELF SCREAMING "I WOKE UP IN A NEW BUGATTI". Then take that shit right back (
  3. I would open a Waffle House cause I love grits and shit
  4. I would learn how to say NO in as many languages as possible because I'm giving none of you SHIT. I don't give a fiddly fuck about your idea for a new chain of fried chicken joints or the record label you want to start. I mean even in Consuela voice. "No, noooooo I no give Mr. Peter"
  5. Anytime they want me to take a picture of me with the check or for promotional purposes I'm whipping my dick out. EVERYTIME
  6. I'd find every person who I hate, offer them a job and then fire that ass IMMEDIATELY (grand opening, grand closing)
  7. Buy a Jerome.
Yes this cat right there...Because if I'm going to live the life of a light skinned cat, Morris Day ain't a bad choice at all. Plus that means I could bust out The Bird and Jungle Love anytime I wanted at work.

I mean a brother can dream can't he?

No comments: