Tail Report: Abigail Ratchford

It's ironic. The car's a lot cleaner now, but I feel so, so dirty.

Tail Report: Michelle Jenneke for WSHH

I'm not entirely sure what this is all about. I don't really care, of course. But I just felt like being honest, on the off chance good behavior will bring me any closer to making Miss Jenneke a future ex-Mrs. Defi.



Good looks by TJ with the assist. (He'll be my best man.)

Tail Report: Hiromi Oshima

I think I'ma need a drink...

Tail Report: Chrissy Teigen

If watching this video makes you suddenly feel hatred towards John Legend, don't worry, it's only natural.

Tail Report: 2014 Golden Globes

Emma Thompson stole my heart that night. Sorry ladies, some of you may be younger and firmer, but none of you have that much gangsta in you. But that's for an On the Rocks wifey post to come...

Here's the best in skin from this year's Golden Globes.

Margot Robbie

The new "it girl"? Maybe. But I'll tell you one thing: Australia knows how to breed hot blondes. She's like 329,000th to come out of there. Not that I'm complaining...


Amy Adams

If nothing else, American Hustle has made Amy okay with her sideboob. I'm okay with it too.


Kate Mara

I'm not sure where she's been lately, but...welcome back.


Jennifer Lawrence

Prerequisite "She's perfect in every way so shut up I'm posting a picture anyways and leave me and my wifey alone" post.


Sofia Vergara

I'm not sure if there's a lifetime achievement award for sexiness, but if there is, Sofia's a lock. This was what she wore to the after-party, not the main event, but...I doubt anyone's going to nitpick technicalities here.


Sosie Bacon

Six degrees of ZOMG. You probably noticed the hot model handing the awards to soused celebs onstage during the event, but (like me) figured she was a nameless soul. Well, she's not so nameless. In fact, she's Hollywood royalty. Her mother: Kyra Sedgwick. Her father: Kevin Bacon. Yup, you've got nothing for her.

[NOTE: It's been brought to my attention that they announced Sosie and her pedigree live during the broadcast. I missed that. I suck.]

Tail Report: Alyssa Loughran

Credit the Faded Industry folks for finding this local (Pittsburgh) girl, a fitness model and aspiring actress with my favorites: thighs and eyes.

...And booty. And boobs. And...everything. Including guns. I'm not sure which I want to do more: date her, or hire her to be my personal trainer. I'm guessing either one would probably kill me.

For more of Alyssa, show a Burgh gal some love by "liking" her official Facebook page.

Tail Report: Scarlet Bouvier

Typically when I put together one of these Tail Reports, I'll scrounge around the internet, gathering lots of hot PG-13 pictures of that post's subject. Then, once my apple basket is full, I search on the lass' name once again, this time adding the word "nude" afterwards. You know, just for kicks. Most of the time little to nothing comes back.

Whatever the opposite of that is, that's what happened when putting together this post. All I had to do was search on her name alone, and a page full of nakey awesomeness was suddenly in front of me. I could barely find any pictures that were discrete enough to use. Ms. Bouvier not only isn't shy about being naked, I'm nearly convinced she prefers it. And I see nothing wrong with that. Be natural, girl. Be free.

Tail Report: KBO First-Pitch'ers

Here are three ceremonial first pitches thrown for the Doosan Bears of the KBO, a South Korean baseball league.

I may hate baseball, but I'm still in love.

Tail Report: Amina Malakona

Step aside everyone, my new wifey is coming through.



That sexy accent? That's Hungarian, son. Yeah, you read that right: HUNGARIAN. THEY MAKE GORGEOUS BLACK WOMEN IN HUNGARY.

Who knew, right?

[CORRECTION: This post previously stated that Miss Malakona was from Romania, not Hungary. I apologize for the error, ma. What can I say? I drink a lot. #love]

Tail Report: Caitlin Wynters

After seeing her twerking skills in yesterday's post, I thought maybe the page could do with more Caitlin.

Tail Report: Chelsie Aryn

Playboy's Miss Social March 2011 has an innocent face and an anything-but-innocent body.

This girl is on fire. Sometimes, when putting together a Tail Report, I struggle to find a good selection of pictures. With Chelsie Aryn, I had to cut myself off before I ended up with triple digits. Lawdomercy...