Comic Relief

I'm just guessing; but I'd have to say that, after doing The Tonight Show and feeling up Amy Schumer, third place on every comic's dream list is drop kicking a heckler.

From Playboy:

During an open mic comedy show in Las Vegas, a guy was given his five minutes to do a set and when time was up, the host walked over and informed him that was the end of the set, as most hosts do. Apparently the comedian/heckler did not take kind to this, as he’s known as to disrupt shows and ruin other comic’s sets.

Too Real

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go back in time and talk to your former self? Well, if technology ever gives you the chance to do it...maybe you shouldn't.

Office Personalities

You may not recognize yourself as one of these types, but chances are your coworkers do.

Life Imitates Art

The latest edition of Key & Peele's All-Star Game sketch is the realest yet.

Stand and Deliver: Mike Bobrinskoy

This is brilliant.

From Huffington Post:

You're bound to come across some questionable individuals while online dating: the suave gents on OkCupid who bombard you with genitalia-filled DMs, for instance, or the Tinder users who group text all their matches. But the seediest of the bunch have to be the scam artists who try to con you into sending money. Yeah, not going to happen.

So how do you deal with them? Let Mike Bobrinskoy show you. In the stand-up clip above, the Chicago-based comedian recounts how he shut down an OkCupid scammer named Alexandra (the bit begins at the 1:12 mark). Alexandra claimed to be a Texas-born model with an affinity for big Italian meals "like Garfield!" and giving pleasure "in and out of the bed."

Awash with Reality

Old. But so, so true. #CrackOfLies

Monday Kickstart: A Little Sump'n

The truth is, most of us probably don't qualify as "good." We've all got skeletons, we've all got demons. On the grand scale of things, most people are going to fall right in the middle between "naughty" and "nice." But, even though Santa's judgemental ass doesn't have love for us, feel secure in knowing that Sump'n Claus has our backs.



I say down with Santa and his elitist ways. We need someone who's a true man of the people. Sump'n Claus' time has come.

To motivate you this week, we give you another beautiful entity who only wants to share her gifts with the world, the spine-tingling Miss Christina Ripple:

Those eyes say naughty things that not even Santa could hate on. Let's go.

The Presidential Word

I'm a few days behind on this, yeah, yeah... Fight me. Barry's still so smooth with it.

Thriller LaBeouf

This is manic, alarming, and hilarious. In other words, it's the perfect ode.

Monday Kickstart: Pop Culture

Thanks to YouTube, you can once again watch TV commercials that you watched as a kid. But when you do, you quickly realize just how disturbingly far from reality the writing of those ads strayed. And if you were to crossbreed that TV-commercial-universe with real life... Well, you'd get this masterpiece by Aubrey Plaza and her pals.



I bet you'll be randomly singing that jingle to yourself all day. Ring Pop!

This week's inspiration is a woman I would be proud to have wearing my Ring Pop, Ms. Samantha Rodríguez:

Te amo. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Setting the Mood

Honestly, this is a million times better than any of the real Cialis ads.

...and nine months later, Iggy Azalea was born.

And if you need something even stronger than Cialis Turnt to get you going, then look no further than Miss October 2013, Carly Lauren:

Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Friend or Foe

If you want to find out who someone truly is, just be sure to ask the right questions.



Yeah, that new Key & Peele is going to be real. Season Four is just a few days away.

For this week's inspiration, allow me to introduce the intoxicating Alee Rose:



Let's go.

Name Games

Consider this the blue collar contribution to today's "fuck this job" vibe.

Bitchy Resting Face

Looks can be deceiving. So take the time to make sure that the person in front of you really is a bitch. Or an asshole.

"Not that there's anything wrong with it!"

As a heterosexual, one of the most interesting things for me to watch is heterosexual men and women who are visibly uncomfortable around homosexual men and women. It's very similar to the white people in college who grew up isolated, and are suddenly trying to prove at every hall party that they're not racist. But now that I'm in my 30s, my generation is (mostly) integrated racially. So the intermingling of sexualities is the new frontier, and the shit is hilarious to watch.

Comedian Daniel Ryan-Spaulding, it seems, enjoys this theater as much as I do.

Tuesday Kickstart: Generation Why?

As cool as the ads for the new Godzilla movie look, let's be real; if a giant monster really attacked today, things would probably go a little more like this Nacho Punch video.



You may have noticed the cute, buxom brunette in that video ("Guess it's back to OKCupid") and thought she looked a little familiar. That's because she's Milana Vayntrub, A.K.A. the adorable AT&T girl from their bazillion commercials. Personally, though, she won my heart during her short stint on Showtime's House of Lies, where she played Christy, a junior consultant driven insane by her boss. There's just something so sexy about a girl yelling "Sic semper tyrannis!" as she stabs her coked up boss in the thigh with a letter opener...

Here's where Milana makes things hard difficult. Naturally, a beautiful woman like her deserves to be put upon a pedestal as this week's "inspiration." But normally we like to use—to put it gently—slutiferously hoochified dirty-girl pictures. But Milana, you see, is much too demure of a young lady to have any such pictures floating around the internet for our use. This means the most innocent "inspiration" shot you'll probably ever see at Crooked Straight:

Oh well. I guess she's just saving it for our honeymoon. Let's go.

Throwback Thursday Bonus: "Bro Rape"

One of the best video shorts ever produced. I've seen it so many times, but I'm just now recognizing the amazing acting quality of some of these performances.

BaneCat

I really thought I posted this on the page a couple of weeks ago. *sigh* March was a long month.

Basic Training

1. I will never not refer to Puddy Patrick Warburton as "Puddy" upon first reference in a conversation.
2. He's one of the all-time greats.

Monday Kickstart: Face Facts

As you read this, I'm hungover in North Carolina after a weekend of NCAA basketball and coeds. Or I'm dead. Really a 50/50 guess. But through the magic of the internets, you're still getting your fix, in the form of the Broad City ladies (Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer) taking it to the next level.



And this week's inspiration might be my new everything. Meet Ms. Klaudia Badura:

Pretty sure, wherever I am right now, I'm staring at that picture in hopes of remembering that life's worth living. Let's go.