Monday Kickstart: Ahead of the Game

This kid will be president in 30 years. Mark my words.



This week, inspiration comes from the mesmerizing Ashley Hale:

Let's go.

F.O.H.: Mehow and the Babe

Is there a single part of this video that makes sense? This douchebag is a player? (Ok, a douchebag getting hot chicks does make sense in a it-happens-all-the-time-for-some-ungodly-reason kind of way. But that's typically handsome douchebags. This guy looks like a blonde burrito in hipster frames.) And this gorgeous chick is having a hard time getting guys? This douchebag calls himself "Mehow"?

Fuck outta here with this nonsense.

It's the Weekend

Time to catch a break...

Throwback Thursday: "Where I Wanna Be" -- Donell Jones

Let me start this post with a confession: I didn't select this song because of the song.

Don't get me wrong. This is a fantastic song. If you're too young to know who Donell Jones was, the best I can describe the situation is to say that he was Ne-Yo before Ne-Yo. Except he was actually a good-looking brother. ...He was a good-looking Ne-Yo. And this song is a wonderfully crafted look at the conflicted emotions of a man who deeply loves his woman, but wants to taste some other flavors, and doesn't want to break his woman's heart in the process.

Here's where my love for the video outshines anything Donell could've ever put into beautifully-toned words—actually, know what, I'll just let you watch the vid.



Okay, let's recap what you've just watched:

1. Donell is dating a fine-as-hell (9/10), light-skinned sister.
2. Donell wants to cheat on said fine-as-hell, light-skinned sister with other fine-as-hell women. Who wouldn't, really? (sorry ladies, it's about quantity, not quality...always)
3. Donell walks away from his fine-as-hell girlfriend to save her the pain of him cheating. Saintly man, that Donell.
4. Donell meets a fine-as-fiery-hell (9.5/10—note the distinction) mocha-skinned sister at the club. Fine-as-fiery-hell mocha-skinned sister is down with the get-down.
5. ...they get down.
6. Donell knocked the bottom out, but now misses fine-as-hell light-skinned sister, and sets out to get her back.
7. Except now she's out at a fancy restaurant with another man. (That fine-as-hell, light-skinned harlot!)
8. Donell summons her out of the restaurant, hits some smooth-ass runs on her, and wins her back...in front of fine-as-hell light-skinned's new suitor, who's still sitting at the window seat.
   

In summary: Donell is everything.

Moving on Up

If you've got an extra $7.5 million laying around, and get separation anxiety when your Mercy is parked all the way down in the basement of your skyrise apartment building, you might consider moving to Singapore.

From Top Gear:

...Hamilton Scotts has just introduced Sky Garage Apartments - flats with special parking spots just outside the living room, whatever floor you're on.

The Singapore-based high-rise has a biometrically controlled lift that delivers your car right up to your flat, where you can ogle its beauty from the comfort of your underpants. Just roll up outside, swipe your thumb on the scanner and your car will be outside your living room by the time you've whipped yourself up a refreshing post-work shandy.

What price for such convenience? Sky Garage Apartments start at £4.75m ($7.5m) for a two-car garage, and end at £15.2m ($24m) for a penthouse with four parking bays.

Ridic. Here's a BBC news video of the life you and I dream of having.

It's the Weekend

Time to live up to expectations...

Respect My Gangsta: Rob Gronkowski

The Patriots' tight end is a fan of his position. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that he's a fan of multiple positions, just like Bibi.

From Yard Barker:

With the Patriots on the bye week, Gronk returned to Arizona (where he attended college), for the weekend. He spent some time with porn star Bibi Jones, who tweeted two pictures of the two hanging out together. She also told her followers to follow her “favorite football player.” I knew there was a reason I recommended him to every fantasy team.

From exchanging tweets with Kate Upton to hanging with porn stars, nobody does it like Rob Gronkowski. It most definitely is Gronk’s world, we’re all just living in it.

If I'd known the Gronk had it going on like that, I definitely would've added him to my fantasy teams this year. After scoring 10 touchdowns on only 42 receptions in 2010, he's proven that he has a nose for the endzone; now he's showing that he's an expert in more than just one way of scoring.

TJ with the assist.

It's the Weekend

Time to do a body good...

Ballin' Outta Control

"You should see my house. It's...SO exciting!"

—Morris Day, "Purple Rain"

When you own a multimillion dollar home, you have to go to great lengths to set yourself apart from your neighbors. Forbes (via Yahoo.com) has put together a list of some of the more outrageous features and amenities found in some of the country's' most expensive homes.

We pulled together a list of upscale abodes for sale or just sold that have been equipped with fantastic, unusual--and in some cases downright wacky--amenities. These are not your typical luxe enhancements like home theaters, wine cellars and game rooms, although most of our estates have those features too. Our friends at Trulia.com, Realtor.com, Sotheby's International Realty and Coldwell Banker Previews International helped us uncover these unique listings.

As you might imagine, this list is enough to bring a tear to the eye of anyone who can only dream of affording these measures of luxury. I mean, who hasn't dreamed of having their own Bat Cave?

The $10 million cliffside dwelling at Point Place in Laguna Beach, Calif., would make Bruce Wayne proud. The driveway has a secret, subterranean entrance below the house's steep perch, inside the cliff itself. Once a car passes through the hidden garage door, a commercial-grade hydraulic lift transports it up and into the house.

And, even without comic-book-movie-inspired secret entrances, this Vegas home is the stuff of dreams. If I was the owner, I'm certain my crew would make it mandatory that I host every Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day barbecue every year for the rest of my life.

Even among snazzy home swimming holes, Las Vegas' $10 million Wood Creek Court residence stands out. It has a full-on water park with sandy beach island, a sunken swim-up bar--even a lazy river.

It's enough to make even Morris jealous.

Respect My Gangsta: Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button

Here's a little glimpse inside the life of a Formula One driver, as provided by Johnnie Walker and Vodafone McLaren's two stars.

The Choice is Yours (...well actually, HIS)

More from the World of Sheen, this time regarding how much better his life is than yours and mine the bedroom arrangements that he and his ladies have set up.

From The Huffington Post:

Charlie Sheen's media blitz continues, and Tuesday he spoke with Howard Stern about his "goddesses," the two live-in girlfriends who help him care for his young sons.

Sheen revealed that Natty (a bikini model) and Rach (formerly known as Bree, her porn star name), sleep in separate beds in the same room - and he gets to pick which bed he sleeps in.

ROBIN QUIVERS: But how do they work it? Do they sleep in the same bed?
HOWARD STERN: Yeah, are all three of you in the bed together?
CHARLIE SHEEN: No because we are adults and we realize that three in a bed is like, we are all not seven.
HOWARD STERN: So everybody gets their own bed?
CHARLIE SHEEN: We have two beds in the bedroom and it is a 2-1 switch off. 'A 2-1 switch off,' listen to me.
HOWARD STERN: This is unbelievable. The two of them stay in the same bed and you are in the bed next to them?
CHARLIE SHEEN: No they will take a separate bed and then I have to choose.
ROBIN QUIVERS: Oh, so you come in and choose which bed you want to sleep in.
HOWARD STERN: You live like a king, my friend.
CHARLIE SHEEN: Why the hell shouldn't I, Howard?
HOWARD STERN: Why not? You are special, right?
CHARLIE SHEEN: Yes I am, just like you. We are special.

When asked whether the two women have sex with each other, Sheen replied, "Well, you would have to ask them."

And since the world of pop culture these days is all Sheen, all the time, here's another one for you: the man himself has just opened a Twitter account, and you can follow him at @charliesheen. Will (further) hilarity ensue? Grab a drink and watch the show.

Show Me Your Noobs

Internet pimping is nothing new. I would venture that between 40 to 60% of people my age—especially guys—have at some point in their lives engaged in some level of electronic gaming that didn't involve joysticks (well, I mean...). One gent from England, however, has taken it to a level well beyond anything most of us could imagine.

From The Huffington Post:

Clive Worth, 60, claims to have met and "bedded" around 1,500 women online.

He's connected with 300 of those women using Facebook, a tactic Worth says has gotten him kicked off of the social networking site—multiple times.

The British ex-miner told Metro UK that he has had his Facebook profile removed four times. "Facebook don’t give me a reason any more, they just remove me," Worth said.

If these numbers are acurate, I think it might be safe to crown Mr. Worth "The Wilt Chamberlain of the internet". I find it surprising, though, that Facebook has tried ban Worth from their site as a result. Although the site doesn't qualify as a democracy, and therefore you can't argue that they are infringing upon any rights of his, it is an overbearing move. Why should they care if he's pimped 300 women using their site? Nothing he has done is illegal, unless the UK has some kind of crazy anti-pimping laws in place. Even more laughable is Facebook's response:

A Facebook spokesperson countered that Facebook is "not the place to meet people you don’t know."

Really? Is that why it suggests people to me with whom I share a mutual friend? Is this the same social networking site that owes a fair share of its popularity to games such as Mob Wars, Mafia Wars, Farmville, and others that encourage you to interact with other people—typically strangers—in an online "community"?

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

A fantastic clip from last night's South Park: Butters lays down the game.