I found this quite humorous. Today in Bill Simmons'
mailbag article, a reader questioned the combined sexual experience of the WSOP final nine players.
Q: Did you watch the WSOP final table? My roommates and I were arguing about the combined number of lifetime sexual partners between the last nine guys. The consensus was that it's in the mid-30s, but only because the [Danish] guy (the dude who won) skewed the final number like Jordan skewed all the scoring stats for the '98 Bulls. Do you have an opinion on this?
-- Louis, Richmond, Va.
Simmons: I watched the final table, loved it and couldn't believe ESPN turned the telecast around that fast. My favorite guy was the twitchy kid (Scott Montgomery) who got knocked out on a full house on the river. In the 90 minutes he appeared on this show, he made poker about 32 percent less cool, and there's no going back. He was straight out of a Judd Apatow movie. I loved the thought of everyone in the ESPN truck rooting for him to get bounced because he made for such phenomenally bad TV. But to answer your question, that combined number has to be much higher for three reasons: the Russian guy (that country is crazy); the Danish kid who won (seemed relatively normal); and because all bets are off for any veteran poker player in the categories of "total cigarettes smoked," "number of paid times with a hooker" and "number of trips to a strip joint by himself" (and we had two or three in there). It's an inherently lonely and antisocial sport -- either you sit there and say nothing, or you have awkward interactions with people who you'd normally never glance at twice -- and if you don't believe me, consider the fact that the actively loathsome Phil Hellmuth is considered to be semi-amusing in this weird little world. Anyway, I would put that number in the 70s for the final nine. Maybe 73.5.
(I just want to know when ESPN is going to create the WSOP for sports figures so we can see MJ, LeBron, Mickelson and everyone else battling it out. Why do it in the secrecy of a hotel suite, fellas? Why not for a national TV audience? Couldn't this happen after the ESPYS every July? Twenty-five entrants, $50,000 per person, a penthouse suite at the Mondrian that's covered in cameras, unlimited open bar, Texas Hold 'Em, winner takes $700,000, second place gets $200,000, the Jimmy V Foundation gets the rest. And this wouldn't work ... why?)
I personally have to give Montgomery some credit. I went to the WPT final table at the L.A. poker classic to root on Phil Ivey with one of Phil's best friends. It was quite clear while we watched the first part of the final table that Montgomery was very inexperienced and uncomfortable. We all thought he was a lucky donkey who made the final table.
Ten months later and he's at another final table... at the WSOP main event. The kid is definitely doing something right.
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