Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Twilight Broken Down

If you hate loathe "Twilight" and Stephenie Meyers (the over-hyped, plagiarizing hack behind the books) like I do, I guarantee you'll feel redeemed after reading this great piece from The Oatmeal.
First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn't described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this "empty shell," the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear.

This short piece (click here) is true to the very last detail, and—unlike "Twilight"—is a great read.

Celebration Fail

I give the goal 4 stars, and the high jump 5.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Miracle Win

Woodland (CA) Pioneer High trailed rival Woodland High 8-7, with only one last gasp left. Standing on their own 43 yard line and the clock showing "0:02", their only shot at making the playoffs was crossing a line 171 feet away.


(from Rivals.com; the article can be read here)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

Tail Report: Chilean Promo Girls

The folks at Coed Magazine have put together something just, just...there are no words for it. That is, none other than, "When's the next flight to Chile?"

A few teasers below, but they don't do the full gallery justice. This one's a MUST for the fellas (and for all my bi-curious ladies out there—you know who you are). Click here.

Jessica Alba: Spankalicious

Casey Affleck is a lucky, lucky man. He has the acting chops his brother Ben was expected to have (but never really produced, aside from "Chasing Amy" and "Good Will Hunting"). And those chops have landed him in what, for reasons found in the video below, may be the role of his life: acting opposite Jessica Alba in a new movie called "The Killer Inside Me", scheduled for release next year.

I always knew she liked it rough.

Daily Dunk: Dwyane Wade

I had no idea Wade was capable of something this vicious. Watch Varejao through the end of the play, and laugh along with me as his legs flip up like he's a fold-away bed that someone's putting away.

Birds are Evil

I—and most likely, all of my fellow car owners—have thought this for years. I’ve spent countless hundreds on car washes after their target practice sessions. But that’s nothing compared to what a pelican in Texas has cost this poor bastard.

(Well, “poor” may not exactly be an accurate term…)
The Lufkin, Texas, man told of driving his luxury, French-built Bugatti Veyron when the bird distracted him, said La Marque police Lt. Greg Gilchrist. The motorist dropped his cell phone, reached to pick it up and veered off the road and into the salt marsh. The car was half-submerged in the brine about 20 feet from the road when police arrived.

The full story can be read by clicking here.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The No Fun League Strikes Again

What is it with the suits in the National Football League’s front offices and the perpetual bug up their collective ass? Any and every time a player tries to liven up the game with an innocuous celebration, the Puritans in Armani make a point of treating the act with roughly the same amount of disdain as Agent Smith felt for Neo and his band of renegades in The Matrix. For years now, these hypocritical honchos (they will endlessly focus on star players—quarterbacks in particular—when promoting an upcoming game; but they turn around and chastise those who celebrate on the field for making themselves “bigger than the game”) have repeatedly reminded fans that the NFL is no place for revelry or enjoyment. It’s a business; an open-air office where they own the monopoly when it comes to advertising and sales. The league’s outdated standpoints on conduct and entertainment have slowly strangled the last drops of extraneous joy out of the game itself (and yet we criticize the players for being “all about the money”; what, I ask you, is left other than money, when the powers-that-be are furiously opposed to you enjoying the sport you grew up loving, and are lucky enough to play for a living?).

Case in point:
Like the other 21.9 million viewers watching the Dallas Cowboys face the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday night, you probably missed it. But the brand name known for spiced rum achieved the rare feat of sneaking an advertising fastball by the NFL – in the middle of a nationally televised game, no less. During the third quarter of Dallas’ 20-16 win, Eagles tight end Brent Celek(notes) caught an 11-yard touchdown pass from Donovan McNabb(notes), then appeared to purposefully back up and align himself in front of television cameras. Putting his hands on his hips, Celek raised his right leg, mimicking a pose similar to the pirate on Captain Morgan’s label.

As far as anyone knows, it’s the first time we’ve seen that type of guerilla-style advertising campaign in an NFL end zone. And if the league has its way, it will be the last, too. The “Captain Morgan” was effectively banned this week after the league learned of a wider campaign meant to get players to repeatedly strike the pose during NFL games.

[the full article can be read here]

At first glance, you might say, “This is different—this is a company trying to promote its product on the field and that’s why it’s wrong.” But take a moment to examine the facts more closely: The money rewarded for each Captain pose would not have gone to the individuals themselves, but rather to a charity. Not only that, but a charity dedicated to helping retired players with post-football hardships. This comes at a time when the NFL is under heavy scrutiny for the lingering medical problems endured by players—including conditions as serious as brain damage—after they move on in life. By shutting down the promotion, the league has actually made two blunders:

(1.) They have further cemented themselves as wanting a field full of corporate robots instead of emotionally engaged athletes.
(2.) The NFL has taken money away from a foundation whose purpose is to aid the very corporate robots that the league has drawn criticism for endangering.

And the excuse offered by Greg Aiello (“The issue is that players are specifically prohibited under our policies from wearing, displaying, promoting or otherwise conveying their support of a commercially identified product during a game while they’re on the field”) is laughable, to say the least. The NFL has turned itself into one large marketing campaign these days—I dare you to watch a game without seeing the brand names of at least 10 different companies strategically placed on and around the players themselves, not to mention the litany of television and radio commercials that come at you during league-mandated “TV timeouts” and other breaks in the action. Yet Aiello expects us to swallow the assertion that Captain Morgan has somehow threatened the purity of sport that is the modern professional football game?

Don’t get it twisted. The real reason that the NFL didn’t like the promotion is quite simple: they weren’t in line to benefit from it in any way. No money would have poured into their already-overflowing coffers, and no publicity would be focused on them, only their lowly minions the players.

And that, in the NFL’s eyes, is truly no fun.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009

WSOP Main Event Final Table tomorrow - Go Ivey

Will he do it?

Since the poker boom, there has never been so much anticipation regarding one player and one final table. But as Phil Ivey looks to complete an incredible World Series, the poker community will eagerly watch to see if he will add the finishing touches to a magical WSOP run.

Although he enters the World Series of Poker main-event final table just seventh in chips, Ivey is the overwhelming favorite in the fans’ minds. A WSOP poll showed that 78 percent of fans expected him to come back and win. Some bookmakers only give two players better odds — chip leader Darvin Moon and Eric Buchman, who is second in chips — despite the fact that six people come into the final table with bigger stacks than him.

Of course, all of that may just be fans’ wishful thinking, but the fact remains that the pressure will be on Ivey. This is the first time he has ever made the WSOP main-event final table, and he knows how huge that is.

“So far, I’ve just made the final table, which is a pretty big accomplishment. Winning it would be the top of the line for me,” said Ivey. “I can taste it now … I’m right in the hunt.”

Although the pressure will be intense, it seems doubtful it will affect one of the most feared men in poker. He has played in some of the biggest cash games on the planet, and has publicly said that “there is no amount of money that makes me sweat.”

Coming into the 2009 WSOP, Ivey hadn’t won a bracelet since 2005. Now, that may not seem like that long of a cold stretch for the common man, but for Ivey it was an eternity. Since he won his first bracelet in 2000, never before had three World Series passed without Ivey taking home one of the events. Many people blamed Ivey’s lack of success on the emphasis he placed on the much more lucrative cash games.

But entering 2009, with a fervent buzz about the number of prop bets that Ivey had made on his ability to win a bracelet, all eyes were on the former New Jersey native to see if he could make good on his bets. The answer came fairly quickly, as Ivey won a $2,500 deuce-to-seven event in early June.

But before the “congratulations” even seemed to subside, Ivey did it again — winning an Omaha eight-or-better/seven card stud eight-or-better mixed event for his second bracelet of the summer.

via cardplayer

In a weird way...

...this chick turns me on. What a beast.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"Up in the sky--It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's...an Idiot!"

Flying in a fighter plane is serious business. If you ever get the chance to do so, and the pilot gives you some instructions before takeoff, you should probably pay close attention to them.

You may think that goes without saying. But apparently one civilian in South Africa had to learn that the hard way.

It probably is best not to fiddle with switches or controls when riding in the back seat of an air force plane.

A man who failed to obey that principle found himself hurtling out of the cockpit, smashing through the Perspex canopy and into space after grabbing the black- and yellow-striped handle between his legs. He had inadvertently pulled the eject lever and found himself blasted 100 metres into the sky on his rocket-powered seat.

The South African air force has confirmed the incident that took place last Wednesday, when the passenger took off for a flight with an experienced pilot from South Africa's Silver Falcons air display team. Investigators are assuming that the passenger tried to steady himself while the pilot was putting the Pilatus PC-7 Mk II through its paces by grabbing the eject lever.

The full article can be read here.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


If you're male and put on a costume last night, it was probably in hopes of meeting one the girls in COED Magazine's special gallery of sexy Halloween costumes. Here are a few examples:

If you want to check out the full gallery (and you know you do) click here.